Friday, December 21, 2012

Moses in the Bulrushes

Scripture Reference:  Exodus 1:1-2:11

A skit about Moses and God's Provision.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. – Deuteronomy 6:5
GRANNY GRACE – a sweet old storyteller who doesn't always get the facts straight
MR. JUSTIN – the teacher who sets her straight

(MR. JUSTIN is on stage alone talking to the kids.)

MR. JUSTIN: Granny Grace is going to be here today. You know she's as old as Moses' toes and twice as corny.

GRANNY: (enters) Good morning, dears.

MR. JUSTIN: Oh! Good morning, Granny. Do you have a story for us today?

GRANNY: Oh, yes. It’s a lovely story about the little baby Moses.

MR. JUSTIN: Did you know Moses?

GRANNY: Oh my, young man, Moses was born about 3400 years ago. How old do you think I am?

MR. JUSTIN: Oh, well… I, um… It was… It was Sophie. Yeah, that's it. It was Sophie who said you're old as Moses' toes.

GRANNY: Sophie! I can’t believe it. Such a nice, quiet young lady being so disrespectful to her elder. (If Sophie or the other kids react, engage them but don't take too long.)
(to Sophie or Justin) Well, 40 lashes with a wet noodle for you.

MR. JUSTIN: Anyway, you were going to tell us a story about baby Moses.

GRANNY: Oh yes, dear. As you remember, Joseph brought his whole family to Egypt during the famine. Well, eventually Joseph died when he was 110. Many years passed, and a Pharaoh who didn't know Joseph reigned over Egypt. He was very worried that there were so many Israelites, so he made them slaves and made them do hard labor. But the king was still afraid, so he ordered the Egyptian midwives to kill all of the baby boys. They didn't do it. They told Pharaoh that the Hebrew women were strong and gave birth before the could get there. God blessed them for not killing the baby boys.

MR. JUSTIN: That was very nice of them.

GRANNY: Oh yes, dear. Very nice. But Pharaoh wasn't done. He ordered every baby boy to be thrown in the river and drowned.

MR. JUSTIN: That Pharaoh was one bad dude.

GRANNY: He was a very bad dude, indeed. Well, about this time little baby Moses was born. He was so adorable and cuddly that his mama hid him. After three months, he was just too noisy and couldn’t be hidden any longer. So his mama took him down to the river and suddenly a bull rushed them.

MR. JUSTIN: What?!? That doesn't sound right.

GRANNY: It's right there in the Bible, dear. It says there was an "ark of bulrushes." You know how a group of lions is called a pride, and a group of geese is a gaggle? Well, apparently a group of rushes from a bull is called an ark.

MR. JUSTIN: I don’t think…

GRANNY: I'm sure little baby Moses must have been terrified. I mean, to suddenly have a big old, mean bull rushing at you like that? I can just picture it: The bull saying, (snort, snort). And little baby Moses saying, "Waa! Waa!" It must have been horrifying.

MR. JUSTIN: Granny!

GRANNY: Yes, dear?

MR. JUSTIN: An ark is not a bunch of rushes by a bull.

GRANNY: It's not?

MR. JUSTIN: No, it's a chest or a basket.

GRANNY: Really? How did they get a bull in a basket?

MR. JUSTIN: There was no bull. The ark was made of bulrushes. Bulrushes are reeds or papyrus. Moses' mom coated it with tar and pitch to make it waterproof.

GRANNY: Well, wasn't that clever.

MR. JUSTIN: Yes, it was. Then Moses' mom sent him down the river, and his life was saved.

GRANNY: Well, that makes for a much nicer story.

MR. JUSTIN: Much nicer.

GRANNY: Well, I'm glad I could help. I'd better be going now. Remember, children, don't tweet just for the sake of tweeting and read your Bibles every day. Bye, dears. (exits)

Monday, December 17, 2012

Jacob Wrestles with God

Scripture Reference: Genesis 32:22-32

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. – Genesis 50:20
A lesson in struggle and blessing.

Cast:MR. JEFF – the larger, stronger storyteller
ABIGAIL – the tenacious albeit smaller student

(While reading the story below, MR. JEFF and ABIGAIL will be arm wrestling to illustrate God and Jacob wrestling.)

During the night Jacob rose and crossed the Jabbok River at the crossing, taking with him his two wives, his two slave girls, and his eleven sons. He sent his family and everything he had across the river. So Jacob was alone, and a man came and wrestled with him until the sun came up. When the man saw he could not defeat Jacob, he struck Jacob's hip and put it out of joint. (MR. JEFF touches ABIGAIL's hip [or shoulder], and her arm drops. But she does not let go!) Then he said to Jacob, "Let me go. The sun is coming up."

But Jacob said, "I will let you go if you will bless me."

The man said to him, "What is your name?"

And he answered, "Jacob."

Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob. Your name will now be Israel, because you have wrestled with God and with people, and you have won."

Then Jacob asked him, "Please tell me your name."

But the man said, "Why do you ask my name?" Then he blessed Jacob there. (ABIGAIL releases MR. JEFF.)

So Jacob named that place Peniel, saying, "I have seen God face to face, but my life was saved." Then the sun rose as he was leaving that place, and Jacob was limping because of his leg. So even today the people of Israel do not eat the muscle that is on the hip joint of animals, because Jacob was touched there.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Great with Humility

Scripture Reference: Genesis 11:1-9

A lesson in humility.


In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. – Genesis 1:1
DILLY – a southern fried chicken who doesn’t always get things straight
MISS REBECCA – the teacher who sets him straight



(MISS REBECCA is on stage.)

DILLY: How y'all doin', Miss Rebecca?

MISS REBECCA: Very well. How are you doing?

DILLY: I'm finer than frog hair.

MISS REBECCA: I hear you won a golf tournament.

DILLY: I'm so happy you brought that up, cher, because one should not brag on oneself. But please feel free to brag on me in my stead.

MISS REBECCA: Are you a good golfer?

DILLY: I'm fair to middlin'. I play to scratch.


DILLY: No, of course not. I'm a wondrous golfer. I am undoubtedly the best chicken golfer in the country. (pause) The world. (pause) The universe. (pause) Ever. (pause) Forever and ever. But one should not brag on oneself.

MISS REBECCA: Are you really that good?!?

DILLY: Have you herd of Nancy Lopez and Babe Didrikson Zaharias?

MISS REBECCA: Yes, they're a couple of the best women golfers ever.

DILLY: I could beat 'em both with one wing tied behind my back. I won't even bring up those chumps Arnold Palmer or Jack Nicklaus, because one should not brag on oneself.

MISS REBECCA: You know, Dilly, for some who doesn't like to brag, you sure aren't very humble.

DILLY: What in the name of Col. Sanders are you talking about? I'm as humble as a toothless bumble.

MISS REBECCA: When you keep bragging about how great you are at golf, you're showing a lack of humility.

DILLY: I am great with humility.

MISS REBECCA: Dilly! You're even bragging about how humble you are.

DILLY: I'm just too humble to lie.

MISS REBECCA: Do you even listen to yourself?

DILLY: I try, but sometimes my mind wanders.

MISS REBECCA: You keep saying you don't like to brag on yourself, but you keep bragging on yourself about how great you are. And it’s not humble to boast about how humble you are.

DILLY: Well, paint me green and call me a pickle. I see what you mean. I've been prouder than a prize tomato. (getting more agitated) Oh my! My speech for the golf tournament banquet. I must go directly and change it, or I will look as foolish as a man chasing a hat. (exits quickly)

MISS REBECCA: (stares at stage surprised at Dilly’s sudden departure)

DILLY: (reappears) I almost forgot – bye, y’all! (exits)

Monday, July 9, 2012

The Friend at Midnight

Scripture Reference: Luke 11:5-13

So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. - Luke 11:9
The lesson about the persistence in prayer.

FRIEND – a persistent friend with no sense of time
NEIGHBOR – the neighbor who is just trying to get some shut eye

Pots, pans, and/or anything else to make lots of noise.
Frozen pizza box


NEIGHBOR: (crashing sounds) What?!?


NEIGHBOR: Well, I am now. What time is it?


NEIGHBOR: Please keep it down. Everyone is asleep.

FRIEND: (stage whisper) Sorry.

NEIGHBOR: What on earth to you want?

FRIEND: I just picked my friend up at the airport, and all they fed him on the plane was a little bag of pretzels. He's starving, and all I have in my fridge is a bottle of flat Coke and half a loaf of moldy bread.

NEIGHBOR: Why are you telling me all of this?

FRIEND: Well, I was wondering if you might have a frozen pizza you could spare?

NEIGHBOR: A FROZEN PIZZA! Shhhh! What do I look like? A fast food place?

FRIEND: Well, no, but he’s really hungry.

NEIGHBOR: Look, it’s the middle of the night, the house is locked up, and the kids are finally asleep – which is no easy task. I am not going to go traipsing through the house TO GET YOU A PIZZA! Shhhh! Come back in the morning.

FRIEND: But he’s hungry now. C’mon, be a pal. All I’m asking for is one lousy little pizza. I’d even take one with pineapple on it – but no anchovies. Hairy fish on pizza is gross. Yuck! C’mon, buddy.

NEIGHBOR: I am not your pal. I am not your buddy. I am not your friend! I CAN’T EVEN HEAR YOU! (Putting fingers in ears) LA-LA-LA-LA. Shhhh!

FRIEND: Just walk down to the kitchen, pull a pizza out of the freezer, and toss it out the window, then you can go back to bed. No biggie.

NEIGHBOR: Have you no shame? You just won’t give up. Will you? Fine, let me get your pizza. (Disappear from the window. Start crashing and shushing. Without coming back to the window, toss the pizza box out of the window. Then start crashing and shushing again.)

FRIEND: THANKS! Oops! Shhhh! (stage whisper) Thanks. (Looking at box) Anchovies?! Some people just don’t think about other people’s feelings.

The Good Samaritan

Scripture Reference: Luke 10:30-37

The expert in the law replied, 'The one who had mercy on him.'  Jesus told him, 'Go and do likewise.' - Luke 10:37
 The story of the Good Samaritan updated for children.

VICTIM – ordinary boy (or girl) who has been set upon by bullies

Modern dress. Clothes are torn and bloodied to show signs of a struggle. Should also be bandaged.

(The VICTIM stumbles into room bandaged and moaning. This can be done while a teacher or other person is talking, interrupting the class.)

VICTIM: Oh, it hurts so much. I was on my way here this morning, when I was jumped by these big kids. These bullies stole my offering and beat the tar out of me. (waving off assistance) I’ll be fine. It only hurts when I laugh. Ha ha – oh! (miming hits and kicks) They hit me and kicked me and spit on me and called me names. I thought I was going to die. Then they just left me there by the road.

I don’t know how long I had been lying there when I saw Biff. Biff is the minister's son. He's always busy doing something around church. I called out to him to help me. He said he was really busy, and maybe he could help me on his way back. But there may not be any me by the time he gets back!

A few minutes later I saw Holly. She's in the choir and has the most beautiful singing voice. I was in the Christmas play with her last year. She's so nice. She once said 'hi' to me. I just knew she would help me. I called out to her, but she got this look of disgust on her face. I know I was all bloody and bruised – but how rude! When I asked her for help, she looked at me like I'd asked her to eat kitty litter. She said something about her new dress and her nails, then she just crossed over to the other side of the street.

What was I going to do? I was feeling weak. I think I even saw part of my life flash before my eyes, and I didn’t like the ending. I kept thinking, “Don’t go into the light.”

I lay there for what felt like hours when I saw Lewis. Not Lewis! He is the biggest nerd in the school. No one likes Lewis. He is SO strange! He goes to some weirdo church. He always wears dress pants, and they don’t even come down to his ankles. And he carries this Star Wars lunch box (rolls eyes). Everyone is always so mean to him. I’ve never said anything mean to him – in fact, I usually try to avoid eye contact with him – but I have laughed when others have made fun of him. I didn’t even bother to call out to him. Everyone is always so mean to him, why would he be nice to anyone else. When he saw me, he ran right over – man, he even runs like a dork – and got down on one knee and asked how I was. Boy, do I feel bad now. I told him what happened. He opened his Star Wars lunch box and gave me a drink from his R2D2 Thermos. He used the water from the Thermos and his handkerchief to clean my wounds. He had some Band-Aids in his lunch box and put them on me. He said he had to be somewhere but that the school nurse lived right around the corner. He took me there, so she could finish bandaging me up and make sure I was okay. He said he would be back later to check on me.

He was so nice to me. Why?!? I’ve never been nice to him. I’ve never even spoken to him. He has every reason in the world to be mad at everyone in school and could have – and maybe should have – just left me there like Biff and Holly did, but he didn’t.

Anyway, I think I want to catch up to Lewis. I think I can learn a lot from Lewis about what it means to be a good neighbor.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Mirror, Mirror

Scripture Reference: James 1:22-25

But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does. - James 1:25A lesson about listening and doing.

CHARLIE – a mindful puppet
GEORGE – a forgetful puppet

a mirror (or something shiny to represent a mirror) on the side of the stage

(The stage is empty except for the mirror when CHARLIE enters and starts walking n the direction of the mirror. He is messy and disheveled; maybe a sock or sucker stuck to his back.)

CHARLIE: (singing)  I've got the joy, joy, joy down in my heart / Where? / Down in my heart / Where? / Down in my heart / I got the…  (catches sight of himself in the mirror) Oh, goodness. I'm a mess. I can't believe I left the house like this. I've got to back home and get cleaned up. (leaves the stage)

(The stage is empty except for the mirror when GEORGE enters and starts walking n the direction of the mirror. He is messy and disheveled; maybe a sock or sucker stuck to his back.)

GEORGE: (singing)  Hey, hey, good lookin' / Whatcha got cookin'? / How's about cookin' somethin' up with me? / Hey, sweet baby…  (catches sight of himself in the mirror) Oh, my. I'm messier than a monkey's birthday. I need to go comb my hair. (he starts to leave then pauses) Now, where was I going? (thinks for a minute) Oh, yeah. (turns around and starts singing again)  Hey, hey, good lookin' / Whatcha got cookin'?…  (sees himself in the mirror again) Oh, dear. Look at me. I'm messier than a soup sandwich. I need to go comb my hair. (he starts to leave then pauses) Now, where was I going? (thinks for a minute) Oh, yeah. (turns around and starts singing again)  Hey, hey, good lookin' / Whatcha got cookin'?…  (sees himself in the mirror again) Oh, lands. I'm messier than a molting Wookie. I need to go comb my hair.

CHARLIE: (returns cleaned up and quietly watches GEORGE)

GEORGE: (he starts to leave then pauses) Now, where was I going? (thinks for a minute) Oh, yeah. (turns around and starts singing again)  Hey, hey, good lookin' / Whatcha got cookin'?…  (sees himself in the mirror again) Oh, my stars. I'm messier than a teenager's bedroom. I need to comb my hair. (he starts to leave then pauses) Now, where was I going? (thinks for a minute) Oh, yeah. (turns around and starts singing again)  Hey, hey, good lookin' / Whatcha got cookin'?…  (sees himself in the mirror again) Oh, my word. I'm messier than a pig eating a sloppy Joe. I need to comb my hair. (he starts to leave then pauses) Now, where was I going?

CHARLIE: George, what are you doing?

GEORGE: I was just trying to remember. I think I was going to… going to… going to… sing!  Hey, hey, good lookin'… 

CHARLIE: What about the mirror? I thought you were going to comb your hair.

GEORGE: Why what's wrong with my hair? What mirror?

CHARLIE: That mirror over there. (walks GEORGE to the mirror)

GEORGE: (at the mirror) Oh, my goodness. I'm messier than a birds nest. I need to comb my hair.

CHARLIE: Exactly.

GEORGE: How did I not know about this?

CHARLIE: (leading GEORGE offstage) Let's get you cleaned up, and I'll explain everything.

GEORGE: Thanks, Charlie. Bless you.

NARRATOR: James 1:22-25 – Do not merely listen to the Word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the Word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect Law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it — he will be blessed in what he does. (NIV)

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Good Gifts

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. – Matthew 6:33
Scripture Reference: Matthew 7:7-12

A lesson about good things from God.

D.B. – a good albeit not very bright bunny
MISS REBECCA – the teacher who sets him straight


(MISS REBECCA starts on stage.)

D.B.: Good morning, Miss Rebecca.

MISS REBECCA: Hi, D.B. I hear someone is going to have a birthday.

D.B.: Oh, really? Who? Who is going to have a birthday? I love birthdays. Who is it? Who? Who? Who?

MISS REBECCA: You are, silly.

D.B.: Oh, that is right. I am going to have a birthday. I am so excited!

MISS REBECCA: Do you want anything special for your birthday?

D.B.: I was going to ask my dad for a Lego Bionic Bunny video game, but I decided not to.

MISS REBECCA: That sounds like fun. Why didn't you ask him?

D.B.: Because I was afraid he'd give me a tarantula instead.

MISS REBECCA: Why would he…

D.B.: I do not like tarantulas.

MISS REBECCA: I don't blame you, but…

D.B.: They are creepy.

MISS REBECCA: That's a matter of opinion.

D.B.: They are big, hairy spiders.


D.B.: Ew!

MISS REBECCA: D.B., why would your dad give you a tarantula instead of a video game?

D.B.: I do not know, but he might.

MISS REBECCA: Does your dad love you?

D.B.: (insulted) Of course he loves me.

MISS REBECCA: Then why would he give you something bad when you asked for something good?

D.B.: I had not thought of that.

MISS REBECCA: Loving parents don't give their kids bad things.

D.B.: Then why do they make me eat Brussels sprouts?

MISS REBECCA: That's different. Brussels sprouts are good for you. Are tarantulas good for you?

D.B.: Oh, no. They can bite.

MISS REBECCA: Then your parents won't give you a tarantula.

D.B.: But what if I wanted one?

MISS REBECCA: Do you want one?

D.B.: No.

MISS REBECCA: Then it doesn’t matter. Are you going to ask your dad for the Bionic Bunny game now?

D.B.: Oh, yes. I feel much better about it now.

MISS REBECCA: Good. Happy birthday, D.B.

D.B.: Thanks, Miss Rebecca.

MISS REBECCA: You're welcome, D.B.

D.B.: Bye, Miss Rebecca.


Tuesday, May 15, 2012

But I Don't Look Good in Lilies

Scripture ReferenceMatthew 6:19-34
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. – Matthew 6:33

A lesson about worry and trusting God.

 DILLY – a southern fried chicken who doesn’t always get things straight
 MR. MATT – the teacher who sets him straight

 a Bible

(MR. MATT starts on stage.)

DILLY:  (enters) Oh my lands!  Whatever will I do?

MR. MATT:  Hey, Dilly.  What's wrong?

DILLY:  Hi, Mr. Matt.  I'm gong to a party at Flora's.

MR. MATT:  That sounds like a good thing.

DILLY:  Oh, it is.  All the right hens will be there.  No riffraff or hoi polloi.  It'll be better than sweet tea on a summer day in Texas.

MR. MATT:  So what's the problem?

DILLY:  I don't know what to wear.  I want to have just the right look.  I don't want to look to highfalutin, but I also don't want to look like I'm wearing something that came off the scarecrow.

MR. MATT:  Can I help?

DILLY:  (laughs)

MR. MATT:  What's so funny?

DILLY:  Cause you're a man.  You don't know haute couture from a hot dog.

MR. MATT:  Dilly!  I'm offended.

DILLY:  But do you deny it?

MR. MATT:  No, but I'm still offended.  What about Mr. Jeff?

DILLY:  You must be pulling my leg.  He's the one who picked out those tacky bowling shirts you wear.

MR. MATT:  I like these shirts.

DILLY:  And my point is proven.  (returns to panic mode) Oh, whatever will I do?  All is lost, lost, lost!  I'll never find the right outfit.  I'll be an outcast, a social pariah, all for want of the right outfit.  I think it would take a miracle from God right now.

MR. MATT:  (having an idea) How about a Bible verse?

DILLY:  What in the name of Gucci are you talking about?

MR. MATT:  Today's Bible verse Matthew 6 says, "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?"

DILLY:  Well, that makes about as much sense as two bald men fighting over a comb.

MR. MATT:  How so?

DILLY:  I'm just not going to wear grass.  Do I look like some sort of hoochie-coochie hula girl?

MR. MATT:  No, but that's not…

DILLY:  And lilies?!?  Flower prints are so last season, and you want me to wear actual flowers?

MR. MATT:  Dilly!  That's not what it means.  Jesus was saying not to worry about what you are going to wear or eat or drink, because God will take care of you.  In other words, stop worrying.

DILLY:  (sarcastically)  Stop worrying.  Just like that.  You make sound as easy as selling umbrellas in a rainstorm.

MR. MATT:  It's not necessarily easy, but do you trust God?

DILLY:  Does a one-legged duck swim in circles?

MR. MATT:  And the more you trust God, the less you'll worry, because you'll know God is in charge.

DILLY:  Don't that just take the rag off the bush.  I reckon I do fret a bit much.  I also reckon it would show a decided lack of trust in God if I get my beak all bent out of shape and scurry out of here.

MR. MATT:  I reckon.

DILLY:  Then I'll just say bye, y’all!  (exits)

MR. MATT:  Bye, Dilly.

Monday, May 7, 2012

A Pie for a Pie

Scripture Reference: Matthew 5:38-48

A lesson about loving your enemies.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. – Matthew 6:21
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
MR. MATT – the teacher who sets him straight


(MR. MATT starts on stage.)

OZZIE: (enters & makes sound like he is going to hock up a big one) Kkkkkkkkkkkkkkk…

MR. MATT: Ozzie?

OZZIE: Kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk…

MR. MATT: (sternly) Ozzie!

OZZIE: (louder) Kkkkkkkkk…

MR. MATT: What are you doing?

OZZIE: Kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk…

MR. MATT: Cut it out!

OZZIE: (softly) Kkkk.

MR. MATT: Stop.



OZZIE: Fine! I'll stop.

MR. MATT: What were you doing?

OZZIE: Trying to spit.

MR. MATT: Why are you trying to spit?

OZZIE: Because I'm so mad.

MR. MATT: If you're mad enough to spit, you're not supposed to actually spit.

OZZIE: (looking behind the stage) Now you tell me. (looking back up) I have already spit so much that I've gone dry.

MR. MATT: Who made you so mad?

OZZIE: Alfonso Pasquale.

MR. MATT: The school bully.


MR. MATT: Is he picking on you again?


MR. MATT: What did he do that made you so mad?

OZZIE: He hit me with a pie.

MR. MATT: A pie?

OZZIE: A cream pie right in the puss.

MR. MATT: That's terrible.

OZZIE: Then he kicked me with his big old boot.

MR. MATT: His boot?

OZZIE: His boot right in my bootie.

MR. MATT: What did you do?

OZZIE: Nothing yet, but I plan on getting even. As soon as I can buy a pie and a big pair of boots, I'll get him back.

MR. MATT: I don't think that's a good choice.

OZZIE: You have heard that it was said, "A pie for a pie and a boot for a boot."

MR. MATT: I don't think that's quite right. Regardless, you need to be nice.

OZZIE: But I hate that despicable bully.

MR. MATT: Ozzie!

OZZIE: What?!?

MR. MATT: Is that what the Bible says you're supposed to do?

OZZIE: Yes. Well, probably. OK, maybe. No.

MR. MATT: Right. Jesus said, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."

OZZIE: But he's such a meanie.

MR. MATT: I understand. It's easy to love nice people, but Jesus calls us to do something harder: Love people who are mean to us.

OZZIE: But I really want to throw a pie in his face.

MR. MATT: Then you'd be no different that the bully. If someone who knows you're a Christian sees you do that, what are they going to think about Christians?

OZZIE: Yeah, but I have some really swell boots I want to buy. They're huge and would really…

MR. MATT: Ozzie!

OZZIE: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I'll forget about getting even and start praying for Alfonso Pasquale.

MR. MATT: That's much better.

OZZIE: And I'll start by praying he gets hit by a pie and kicked with a boot. (exits quickly)

MR. MATT: Ozzie!

Monday, April 30, 2012

Salt of the Earth

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. – Matthew 6:21Scripture Reference: Matthew 5:13-16

A lesson on being a salty Christian.

D.B. – a good albeit not very bright bunny
MR. MIKE – the teacher who sets him straight


(MR. MIKE starts on stage.)

MR. MIKE: This morning we are going to start a five-week study of Jesus' Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5-7. This morning we are going to learn about…

D.B.: Hi, Mr. Mike. Whatcha doin'?

MR. MIKE: Hi, D.B. I was just about to read our verse for today.

D.B.: Oh, goody. I love to hear Bible verses. What is it?

MR. MIKE: Matthew 5:13 says, " You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot."

D.B.: I like that verse.

MR. MIKE: It's a good verse. Do you know what it means?

D.B.: Yes, I do, and I even have the perfect Bible story to go with it.

MR. MIKE: You do?

D.B.: Oh, yes. I have been reading the book of Genesis.

MR. MIKE: That's great, D.B. What story is it? Noah? Abraham?

D.B.: Sodom & Gomorrah.

MR. MIKE: That doesn't sound like…

D.B.: Trust me. There is a connection.

MR. MIKE: (warily) OK. Go ahead.

D.B.: God destroyed Sodom & Gomorrah, because they were so evil. But God spared Lot and his family. God warned them not to look back, but Lot's wife did look back and…

TOGETHER: …turned into a pillar of salt.

D.B.: Yeah.

MR. MIKE: That’s not the kind of salt…

D.B.: Do you think Lot kept his wife in a salt shaker on the mantle?

MR. MIKE: I don't know, but that's not…

D.B.: That is very possible. My mom was driving one time, and she looked back and turned into a telephone pole.

MR. MIKE: No, I mean the verse from Matthew doesn’t mean we have to turn into salt.

D.B.: Well, that is a good thing. I would be in a real PINCH if were SALT. Get it? Pinch. Salt. It is a little joke.

MR. MIKE: Jokes that little should still be in the nursery.

D.B.: I just got told by Mr. Mike.

MR. MIKE: What Jesus meant was that just like salty food makes us thirsty for water, we are to be salty to make others thirsty for Living Water, which is Jesus. Do you understand?

D.B.: Oh, I get it now. And I am not even in-SALT-ed that you thought I might not get it. Did you hear what I did? In-SALT-ed. I made another funny.

MR. MIKE: You better stop, or I will a-SALT you.

D.B.: MR. MIKE made a funny, too. Good one, Mr. Mike.

MR. MIKE: Thank you, D.B.

D.B.: You are welcome, Mr. Mike.

MR. MIKE: Bye, D.B.

D.B.: Bye, Mr. Mike. (exits)

Monday, April 23, 2012

Trinity Trip Up

Scripture Reference: Matthew 3:13-17, Luke 3:21-22

A lesson on the Trinity.

And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. - John 14:16-17
GRANNY GRACE – a sweet old storyteller who doesn't always get the facts straight
MR. MIKE – the teacher who sets him straight


(MR. MIKE starts on stage.)

GRANNY: Good morning, dears.

MR. MIKE: Good morning, Granny.

GRANNY: What are you folks doing this morning?

MR. MIKE: Well, I was just about to tell the kids what we're going to be studying today.

GRANNY: It would mean the world to me if you'd let me do that – if it's no imposition.

MR. MIKE: If it means that much to you, please go ahead.

GRANNY: Thank you, dearie. (turns to kids, stares for a moment with mouth open as if about to speak, then turns to MR. MIKE) What are we studying today?

MR. MIKE: If you don't know, why'd you ask to tell them?

GRANNY: Because it is such a delight imparting knowledge to these bright young minds.

MR. MIKE: I understand.

GRANNY: Or at least most of them.

MR. MIKE: Granny!

GRANNY: I'm just saying…

MR. MIKE: Well, we are going to be studying the Trinity today.

GRANNY: Boys and girls. Boys and girls. Please pay attention. I have something very important to tell you. Today we will be studying the Trinity.

MR. MIKE: Very nice.

GRANNY: The Trinity is a 710-mile long river located in northeast Texas.

MR. MIKE: Wait…

GRANNY: It was discovered by the French explorer La Salle in 1687 and named "the Most Holy Trinity" in 1690 by Alonso De León.

MR. MIKE: That's not the right…

GRANNY: The Trinity has five branches: the West Fork, the Clear Fork, the North Wedge, the Elm Fork, and the East Fork.

MR. MIKE: I didn't mean the river…

GRANNY: It had become so polluted by the 70's that it was the subject of many jokes, including a song by the Folkel Minority.

MR. MIKE: Granny!

GRANNY: ♫♪ Roll mighty river/Roll on Trinity/Through the Texas blacklands/It oozes toward the sea./Roll on Muddy Buddy/Captain, ring your bell/We'll be to the Gulf by tomorrow night/If we can stand the smell. ♪♫

MR. MIKE: Granny!!

GRANNY: (unphased) Yes, dear?

MR. MIKE: We're not studying the Trinity River. We are studying the doctrine of the Trinity.

GRANNY: Well, that's completely different. The Trinity River is quite important but not compared studying the nature of God.

MR. MIKE: I can't argue with that.

GRANNY: Well, then I guess my work here is done.

MR. MIKE: Thank you for visiting with us today, Granny.

GRANNY: My pleasure. And remember, children: Don't cut your own bangs and read your Bible every day. Bye, dears. (exits)

Monday, April 16, 2012

Just Down the Romans Road

Scripture ReferenceRomans, Ephesians 2:8
But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. – Romans 5:8

A lesson on what it takes to be saved.

 DILLY – a southern fried chicken who doesn’t always get things straight
 MISS REBECCA – the teacher who sets him straight


(MISS REBECCA starts on stage.)

DILLY:  How y’all doin’, Miss Rebecca?

MISS REBECCA:  Very well.  How are you, Dilly?

DILLY:  I’m finer than frog hair.

MISS REBECCA:  It’s been a while.  I remember you were having some problems with that bantam rooster.  How are things going with him these days?

DILLY:  I would prefer that you not speak about that scoundrel.

MISS REBECCA:  Why?  What happened?

DILLY:  I have been trying to witness to his sad self, but he could try the patience of an oyster.

MISS REBECCA:  What’s the problem?

DILLY:  He says he’s already saved.

MISS REBECCA:  Maybe he is.

DILLY:  He’s meaner than a skilletful of rattlesnakes.  There’s no way he could be saved.

MISS REBECCA:  Being mean doesn’t really prove anything one way or the other.  Does he admit he’s a sinner.

DILLY:  I don’t see how he couldn’t.  He’s as sinful as a pan o’ chocolate.

MISS REBECCA:  Is that a yes?

DILLY:  Yes, bless his heart.

MISS REBECCA:  Does he believe Jesus died for his sins?

DILLY:  I reckon he does.

MISS REBECCA:  Has he prayed for salvation?

DILLY:  He says he has, but he thinks all his geese are swans.

MISS REBECCA:  I say that I have to agree with him that he’s already saved.

DILLY:  He’s about as Christian as peanut butter.

MISS REBECCA:  How can you say that?

DILLY:  He’s never been to a tent revival.

MISS REBECCA:  That’s not really a requirement.

DILLY:  He doesn’t serve on any church committees.

MISS REBECCA:  We encourage everyone to be active, but it’s not a condition of salvation.

DILLY:  He doesn’t know all of the words to Amazing Grace.


DILLY:  And… (dramatically) he brought ice cream to the last potluck.

MISS REBECCA:  I like ice cream.  What’s wrong with that?

DILLY:  Everyone knows you have to bring a covered dish.

MISS REBECCA:  I don’t think that’s true.

DILLY:  I think it says that somewhere in the Bible.  Maybe in one of the little books near the back.

MISS REBECCA:  Dilly, all you need to do to be saved is have faith in Jesus.

DILLY:  Pull the other one; it’s got bells.

MISS REBECCA:  Ephesians 2:8 says, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.”

DILLY:  Well, shut the barn door, Newt, she’s headin’ for the rhubarb!  (excitedly) I must make amends directly, or I will be making another grievous mistake.  Like they say, “Two wrongs don't make a right, but six left turns will get you around the block and back in the driveway again.”  I’ve got to go find him now.   (exits quickly)

MISS REBECCA:  (stares at stage surprised at Dilly’s sudden departure)

DILLY:  (reappears) I almost forgot – bye, y’all!  (exits)

Monday, February 6, 2012

The Sword of the Spirit

Scripture Reference: Ephesians 6:10-20

A lesson on the Armor of God.
Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. - Ephesians 6:17
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
MR. MATT – the teacher who sets him straight


(MR. MATT starts on stage. OZZIE enters distracted & upset, mumbling to himself.)

MR. MATT: What’s the matter, Ozzie?

OZZIE: Oh. Hi, Mr. Matt. This is the worst day ever.

MR. MATT: That’s pretty bad. What happened?

OZZIE: As you may have heard, I’m trying to be a superhero.

MR. MATT: I heard about that.

OZZIE: Well, I’m trying to put on the full armor of God. Every week, I’ve come out here to show off some new piece of my armor. Each piece has been specially crafted and is quite creative and stylish, if I do say so myself.

MR. MATT: I’m sure it is, but so far, I don’t hear a problem.

OZZIE: The problem is that Mr. Mike and Miss Rebecca poopooed by armor.

MR. MATT: That doesn’t sound like them.

OZZIE: Well, they did. Mr. Mike said poo, and Miss Rebecca said poo. And that makes a poopoo. They said the armor was a metaphor or a symbol or some such silly thing.

MR. MATT: Oh, I see.

OZZIE: And that I don’t need to wear all my nifty armor. So now I’m a superhero without a name or a costume, and my friends won’t say ooh and aah, cause they don’t even know I’m supposed to be a superhero.

MR. MATT: But God’s armor is much better, because it helps you defend against evil and fight for God.

OZZIE: But it’s not as shiny as real armor.

MR. MATT: It’s not as shiny.

OZZIE: Then I’m finally ready to get the last piece of armor: (dramatically) THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT!

MR. MATT: The sword of the Spirit?

OZZIE: Not the sword of the Spirit. (dramatically) THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT!


OZZIE: Yeah. Don’t worry, Mr. Mike had the same problem. Anyway, I got my (dramatically) SWORD OF THE SPIRIT, and my mom makes me leave it at home. She says it’s too dangerous.

MR. MATT: You had a real sword?

OZZIE: Yeah.

MR. MATT: Really?

OZZIE: Well, it was a pointy stick, but it looked a lot like a real sword.

MR. MATT: I hate to tell you this, but you don’t need a real sword. Paul was just using…

OZZIE: Don’t say it!

MR. MATT: …a metaphor.

OZZIE: Oh, no! Not you too. Mr. Matt.

MR. MATT: Sorry, Ozzie, but I gotta call ‘em like I see ‘em.

OZZIE: But I thought you were so cool.

MR. MATT: I’m sorry if you don’t’ think I’m cool any more, but the sword of the spirit…

OZZIE: (clears throat)

MR. MATT: Sorry. (dramatically) THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT is the Word of God. It’s the Bible.

OZZIE: So wait. In this case, (dramatically) THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT is a real thing? It’s my Bible?

MR. MATT: That’s right.

OZZIE: Sweet! Then I do have my superhero costume: invisible armor and a sword, which is my Bible.

MR. MATT: I like it.

OZZIE: Thanks, Mr. Matt. I guess you’re cool, after all.

MR. MATT: Thanks. So what’s next?

OZZIE: I heard you’re studying the Fruit of the Spirit next.

MR. MATT: I believe we are.

OZZIE: Swell. ‘Cause I have a spiffy kiwi costume that would be just perfect. (exits)

MR. MATT: Ozzie!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

The Shoes of the Gospel of Peace

Scripture Reference: Ephesians 6:10-20

A lesson on the Armor of God.
And having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace. - Ephesians 6:15
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
MISS REBECCA – the teacher who sets him straight

most hideous pair of shoes that can be found

(MISS REBECCA starts on stage.)

OZZIE: (without zesty jolliness) Hi, Miss Rebecca.

MISS REBECCA: Hi, Ozzie. You seem a little down. What's wrong?

OZZIE: you know how I've been trying to be a superhero?

MISS REBECCA: Right. And you've been trying to put on the armor of God. Which reminds me, you're not wearing anything new this week.

OZZIE: That's the problem. I'm kinda scared.

MISS REBECCA: You're scared of the armor of God?

OZZIE: Not all of it. Just the gospel of peace.

MISS REBECCA: Why is that so scary?

OZZIE: 'Cause the Bible says I have to get shot!

MISS REBECCA: Are you sure about that, sweetie?

OZZIE: Yes! It's very specific. It says I have to be shot in the feet!

MISS REBECCA: Shot it the feet? (realizes what it really is) Oh. Not shot, shod. Your feet shod with the gospel of peace.

OZZIE: Shot. Shod. Either way, it scares me.

MISS REBECCA: Shod means to fit with shoes. It's the past tense of the verb shoe.

OZZIE: Wouldn't that be shoed?

MISS REBECCA: That's what we'd say now, but in the time the King James Bible was written, they said shod.

OZZIE: Like they said Thee and Thou and didst?


OZZIE: That's stupendous.

MISS REBECCA: Putting on shoes is much better than getting shot.

OZZIE: Oh yeah, there is that, but I meant... (exits and returns with shoes) now I can wear these!

MISS REBECCA: What are those?


MISS REBECCA: And of all the shoes there are to pick from, are those really the ones you want to wear?

OZZIE: Yeah! I figure they'd really scare the devil.

MISS REBECCA: Trust me that they scare more that the devil.

OZZIE: Can you please help me put them on?

MISS REBECCA: I could, but you don't need those shoes.

OZZIE: But I really want to put them on.

MISS REBECCA: But I really don't want to see them on you.


MISS REBECCA: What I mean is – the shoes symbolize our readiness to go into the world to share the Gospel and spread God's peace.

OZZIE: Oh! And these wouldn't be very useful for that.

MISS REBECCA: I'm not sure those things are useful for anything by scaring crows.

OZZIE: And this is Texas.

MISS REBECCA: What does that have to do with anything?

OZZIE: I need to go get my (dramatically) FLIP FLOPS OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE! (exits)


Monday, January 23, 2012

The Breastplate of Righteousness

Scripture Reference: Ephesians 6:10-20

A lesson on the Armor of God.
Stand firm then...with the breastplate of righteousness in place. - Ephesians 6:14
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
MISS REBECCA – the teacher who sets him straight

A paper plate attached to OZZIE

(MISS REBECCA starts on stage.)

OZZIE: (enters dramatically) There's no need to fear.... Snap!

MISS REBECCA: What's the matter, Ozzie?

OZZIE: I still don't have a superhero name, Miss Rebecca.

MISS REBECCA: Well, maybe I can help. Do you have any ideas?

OZZIE: Since I'm green, I figured my superhero name should have green in it.

MISS REBECCA: I like your thinking.

OZZIE: Since I'm going to be spreading the light of God, I was thinking... The Green Lantern.

MISS REBECCA: Sorry, but that's already taken, sweetie.

OZZIE: Oh. Well, since I going to be a straight shooter, what do you think of... The Green Arrow?

MISS REBECCA: I like it. I liked it when I first saw him on the Justice League.

OZZIE: That's OK, I've got more. Since I am going to be stinging evil, I could be... The Green Hornet.


OZZIE: Since I will be gobbling up my enemies, I could be The Green Goblin.

MISS REBECCA: Taken, and he's a villain.

OZZIE: The Green Giant?


OZZIE: The Green Grocer?


OZZIE: (giving up) It's not easy being green.



MISS REBECCA: Never mind. Tell me what your wearing.



OZZIE: Hey, sometimes you just gotta work with what you got.

MISS REBECCA: I understand, but you don't need to wear anything.

OZZIE: You mean I should be naked?!?

MISS REBECCA: No, I meant...

OZZIE: Oh, wait. I'm always naked. I'm a monster. I'm all covered with fur.

MISS REBECCA: I mean it's a metaphor.

OZZIE: Grown ups sure like to use that word.

MISS REBECCA: I don't know about that, but in this case, it applies. Paul used the image of a breastplate, because righteousness protects us from the enemy. When we are righteous, or in right standing with God, we are protected.

OZZIE: Then I'm in trouble, cause I'm too rotten to be right with God.

MISS REBECCA: Each of us is too rotten to be right with God?

OZZIE: Even you?


OZZIE: Even Jessie?

MISS REBECCA: Even Jessie.

OZZIE: But she's so quiet.

MISS REBECCA: The Bible tells us that everyone has sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

OZZIE: Oh, snap.

MISS REBECCA: But the good news is that Jesus died for us. If we accept Him as our Savior, then we are right with God.

OZZIE: Phew!

MISS REBECCA: So you see you are already wearing the breastplate of righteousness and didn't even know it.

OZZIE: That's nothing. I wore a strip of toilet paper on the bottom of my foot for a week and didn't even know it. (exits)


Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Helmet of Salvation/The Shield of Faith

Scripture Reference: Ephesians 6:10-20

A lesson on the Armor of God.

OZZIE – an excitable little monster
MR. MIKE – the teacher who sets him straight

Human-sized helmet (army, football, etc.)

(MR. MIKE starts on stage; OZZIE enters just high enough for the helmet to show.)

OZZIE: (muffled) Hey, Mr. Mike.

MR. MIKE: Is that you, Ozzie?

OZZIE: Yes, sir. Who’d you think it was?

MR. MIKE: I wasn’t sure. I thought it might be a turtle.

OZZIE: A turtle? Oh, that’s my (dramatically) HELMET OF SALVATION. It’s part of my superhero equipment. Take the helmet of salvation... - Ephesians 6:17a

MR. MIKE: That’s a mighty big helmet for you.

OZZIE: Well, I can be a pretty rotten little monster, so I need all the salvation I can get.

MR. MIKE: We ALL need all the all the salvation we can get, but the helmet doesn’t show how saved we are. It’s a symbol of how we are protected by God’s salvation.

OZZIE: Oh, it’s kinda like the belt of truth; it’s a meta-, meta-, meta-five.

MR. MIKE: A metaphor.

OZZIE: Meta-four, meta-five, whatever it takes.

MR. MIKE: Yes, it’s a metaphor. You really don’t need an army helmet.

OZZIE: Good! This thing is heavy and hurting my brain. Would you mind taking it off for me?

MR. MIKE: Sure.

OZZIE: (enters with a paroxysm; now can see OZZIE is holding a Frisbee) That’s better.

MR. MIKE: Now what’s that?

OZZIE: (dramatically) THE SHIELD OF FAITH. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. - Ephesians 6;16

MR. MIKE: The shield of faith?

OZZIE: Yes, sir. I’m ready to “quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.”

MR. MIKE: You are on the ball, but you don’t need a real shield.

OZZIE: Metaphor?

MR. MIKE: Metaphor.

OZZIE: And the fiery darts?

MR. MIKE: Metaphor.

OZZIE: Snap!

MR. MIKE: What’s the problem?

OZZIE: What am I going to do with an asbestos dartboard now?

MR. MIKE: I don’t know about that, but I am so happy that you’re taking your faith so seriously. Faith helps us stand resolute when our beliefs and values are attacked. It shields us from the fiery darts of fear and doubt and worry that the enemy constantly throws at us.

OZZIE: So faith in God and salvation through Jesus Christ are seriously important to protect us from Satan.

MR. MIKE: Exactly.

OZZIE: And it’s not a real helmet or shield. It’s a metaphor.

MR. MIKE: Right. Paul was using physical things to help us understand spiritual principles.

OZZIE: Well, that’s a good thing.

MR. MIKE: How so?

OZZIE: Now I can go back to playing with my (dramatically) FRISBEE OF FAITH. (exits)

MR. MIKE: Ozzie!

Monday, January 9, 2012

The Belt of Truth

Scripture Reference: Ephesians 6:10-20
Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist - Ephesians 6:14a
A lesson on the Armor of God.

OZZIE – an excitable little monster
MR. MIKE – the teacher who sets him straight

Man’s belt

(MR. MIKE starts on stage; OZZIE enters tangled in a belt.)

OZZIE: Mr. Mike! Mr. Mike! Help!

MR. MIKE: (crosses over to OZZIE and starts untangling him) Why in the world are tangled up in a belt?

OZZIE: I was trying to become a superhero.

MR. MIKE: Who? Beltman?


MR. MIKE: Ribbon?

OZZIE: Are you done yet?

MR. MIKE: One more: Or are you trying to be a swashBUCKLEr?

OZZIE: Is that it?

MR. MIKE: Yes.

OZZIE: You got it all out of your system?

MR. MIKE: For now. Why the belt?

OZZIE: I was reading in the Bible about the armor of God, and I thought that would be perfect for a superhero.

MR. MIKE: So the belt is…

OZZIE: (dramatically) THE BELT OF TRUTH!

MR. MIKE: It’s a little big for you.

OZZIE: It’s a lot big for me. I had to borrow it from Mr. Jeff, since I don’t wear pants and don’t need a belt.

MR. MIKE: How are you planning on using the belt of truth?

OZZIE: Not the belt of truth. (dramatically) THE BELT OF TRUTH!

MR. MIKE: OK. How are you planning on using (dramatically) THE BELT OF TRUTH!?

OZZIE: I figured it was like Wonder Woman’s Golden Lasso. I would use it to make bad guys tell the truth about their nefarious plans.

MR. MIKE: That’s not really what the belt of truth is.

OZZIE: (clears throat)

MR. MIKE: That’s not really what (dramatically) THE BELT OF TRUTH! is. In fact, it isn’t really a belt. It’s a metaphor.

OZZIE: Mr. Mike, I’m not as old as you, so I don’t know what a “meta” is, let alone what it’s for.

MR. MIKE: A metaphor is a literary device. It uses imagery to help us understand something hard to picture. In this case Truth. God’s Truth is like a belt. Just like a soldier’s belt surrounds and supports him, God’s Truth surrounds and protects us.

OZZIE: Oh, I see. So I really don’t need Mr. Jeff’s belt.

MR. MIKE: Nope.

OZZIE: It’s too big anyway.

MR. MIKE: Yes, it is.

OZZIE: Besides, I think I’d look much better in (dramatically) THE SUSPENDERS OF TRUTH! (exits)

MR. MIKE: Ozzie!