Monday, July 25, 2011

The Great Cow-mission

Scripture Reference: Acts 10:1-11:18

A lesson about who can be saved.
God has made these things clean, so don’t call them unholy! - Acts 10:15 (NCV)
DILLY – a southern fried chicken who doesn’t always get things straight
MR. MIKE– the teacher who sets her straight


(MR. MIKE begins on stage)

DILLY: How y’all doin’, Mr. Mike?

MR. MIKE: If I were any better I couldn’t stand it. How are you, Dilly?

DILLY: I’m finer than frog hair.

MR. MIKE: The last time I saw you I believe you were rushing off to carry out the Great Commission. How’s that going?

DILLY: I’ve been busier than a stump-tailed cow in fly season. I’ve been sharing the Good News and making disciples of all the chickens.

MR. MIKE: What about the other animals?

DILLY: What about them?

MR. MIKE: Aren’t you going to tell them the Good News?

DILLY: Whatever for? They’re just vulgar, dirty creatures, bless their hearts.

MR. MIKE: Dilly! That’s a terrible thing to say.

DILLY: I’m sure their mamas love them, but I’m just saying…

MR. MIKE: What about cows? They seem decent enough.

DILLY: Have you ever met a cow? Did you know they spit up their food and chew it again? Disgusting.

MR. MIKE: What about pigs?

DILLY: They’re even worse. You know what they say: When you fight with a pig you both get dirty, but the pig likes it.

MR. MIKE: Ducks?

DILLY: Mr. Mike, you’re not supposed to read the stage directions.

MR. MIKE: I’m not supposed to duck. I’m asking, what about ducks? They are birds like you?

DILLY: They are not birds like me. They are a few kernels shy of cob.

MR. MIKE: Sheep?

DILLY: Dirty. Nasty.

MR. MIKE: Dogs?

DILLY: Slobbery!

MR. MIKE: Cats?

DILLY: (sing-songy) Hairballs.

MR. MIKE: So there aren’t any animals other than chickens deserving of your attention?

DILLY: No! They are all dirtier than a college student’s laundry.

MR. MIKE: That sounds mighty dirty. But the Bible says, “God has made these things clean, so don’t call them unholy!” (Acts 10:15 NCV)

DILLY: Oh my! Don’t that just dill my pickle. I cannot believe I have so many folks to talk to . Where to start? Where to start? (running back & forth) The cows. No, the dog. No, the sheep. No, the poor, pitiful ducks. (exits quickly)

MR. MIKE: (stares at stage surprised at Dilly’s sudden departure)

DILLY: (reappears) I almost forgot – bye, y’all! (exits)

Monday, July 18, 2011

At the Other End of the Scales

Scripture Reference: Acts 9:1-22, 2 Timothy 1:3-7

A lesson about conversion.
Immediately, something like scales fell from Saul’s eyes, and he could see again. He got up and was baptized... - Acts 9:18
D.B. – a good albeit not very bright bunny
MISS REBECCA – the teacher who sets him straight

Balance or bathroom scales
2 or 3 toy fish
Sheet music

Truck horn

(MISS REBECCA begins on stage)

MISS REBECCA: While we are waiting for D.B., let’s take a look at our Bible story for today. It is the story about Saul’s conversion., and it can be found in Acts 9. (read Acts 9:1-19)

D.B.: (when MISS REBECCA reads about the scales falling from Saul’s eyes, moves the balance or bathroom scales out on stage; at the end of the reading start shouting) I can see! I can see! The scales have fallen from my eyes!

MISS REBECCA: What are you yelling about?

D.B.: The scales have fallen from my eyes, Miss Rebecca, just like Saul. See? (looks at the scales)

MISS REBECCA: It wasn’t those kind of scales.

D.B.: (disappointed) Oh. (having an idea) Oh. (exits, throws out fish, returns) I can see! I can see! The scales have fallen from my eyes!

MISS REBECCA: Not fish scales.

D.B.: Oh. Hmmm. Ah. (exits, throws out sheet music, returns) I can see! I can see! The scales have fallen from my eyes!

MISS REBECCA: Not musical scales.

D.B.: (dreading) OK. (exits, sounds of straining)

SFX: truck horn

MISS REBECCA: Not truck scales either.

D.B.: (enters) Phew! That’s a relief.

MISS REBECCA: What’s going on with all the different kinds of scales?

D.B.: I want to have a cool conversion like story like Saul.

MISS REBECCA: Sweetie, the important thing is that you’re saved, now how cool your story is.

D.B.: Yeah, but Saul’s story is SO cool.

MISS REBECCA: It is, but do you know who Timothy is?

D.B.: Is he that kid with eleven toes?

MISS REBECCA: What? No! Timothy was a friend of Saul’s. He didn’t have a dramatic conversion story, but he was a very influential in the early church.

D.B.: Really?

MISS REBECCA: Really. You don’t have to have a dramatic conversion to make a dramatic difference for God.

D.B.: I am so happy to hear that. It is a real pain to carry around all of these scales.

MISS REBECCA: I imagine it is.

D.B.: Thank you, Miss Rebecca.

MISS REBECCA: You’re welcome, D.B.

D.B.: Bye, Miss Rebecca.


Monday, July 11, 2011

Witless for Christ

Scripture Reference: Acts 8:26-40, Mark 13:11

A lesson about witnessing.
do not worry beforehand about what to say. Just say whatever is given you at the time, for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit. - Mark 13:11b
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
MISS REBECCA – the teacher who sets him straight


(MISS REBECCA begins on stage)

OZZIE: Hi, Miss Rebecca.

MISS REBECCA: Good morning, Ozzie. What’s up?

OZZIE: I’m glad you asked. Before class started, I saw… (starts listing things that happened before church that morning) Then I saw Pastor John…

MISS REBECCA: Ozzie, why are you telling me all of this?

OZZIE: I heard the lesson today is about witnessing, so I thought I would tell you all the stuff I witnessed this morning.
MISS REBECCA: Ah! We’re not talking about that kind of witnessing.

OZZIE: Are you certain? Cause I got lots more stuff I witnessed.

MISS REBECCA: I’m sure you do, but I’m certain that we are talking about something different this morning.

OZZIE: (disappointed) Oh. (confused) What other sort of witnessing is there?

MISS REBECCA: We are talking about sharing our faith in Jesus Christ with others.

OZZIE: How is that witnessing?

MISS REBECCA: Let me explain it this way: If there was a trial and you had information about the case, you’d be called as a witness to testify about the facts of the case.

OZZIE: Oh, so someone here broke the law. (stage whispers) Was it Nikki? She’s pretty suspicious.

MISS REBECCA: Nikki is not on trial. No one here broke the law.

OZZIE: Then what’s the trial about?

MISS REBECCA: The trial was hypothetical.

OZZIE: Is that against the law?

MISS REBECCA: No, I mean it is an analogy. As a witness for Christ, we tell others the facts about Jesus.

OZZIE: Like how he was born in a stable and died on a cross?

MISS REBECCA: Yes, but not just historical facts. We testify about how He has changed our lives.

OZZIE: That sounds really hard. I don’t think I’d know what to say.

MISS REBECCA: You just have to tell the truth, just like you would in a courtroom.

OZZIE: That doesn’t sound so bad.

MISS REBECCA: Jesus also tells us not to worry beforehand, because the Holy Spirit will speak for us.

OZZIE: That’s even better.

MISS REBECCA: So you understand now what we mean by witnessing?

OZZIE: I certainly do, and I’m glad it’s this kind of witnessing.

MISS REBECCA: Why’s that?

OZZIE: Cause I don’t want anyone witnessing me eating all the doughnuts. (exits quickly)


Tuesday, July 5, 2011

The Gift Card of God

Scripture Reference: Acts 8:9-25
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. – 1 Corinthians 16:13
A lesson about giftedness.

DILLY – a southern fried chicken who doesn’t always get things straight
MR. MATT – the teacher who sets her straight


(MR. MATT begins on stage)

DILLY: How y’all doin’, Mr. Matt?

MR. MATT: Great, dilly. How are you?

DILLY: I’m finer than frog hair, but I having a mite of trouble.

MR. MATT: Maybe I can help.

DILLY: I hope so. I’m looking for your gift shop.

MR. MATT: We don’t have a gift shop.

DILLY: Fiddle-dee-dee.

MR. MATT: Is that a problem?

DILLY: Flora’s birthday is coming up, and I wanted to get her something extra special.

MR. MATT: What did you have in mind?

DILLY: Well, I was reading in the Bible about the gift of God, so I thought I’d get that for her.

MR. MATT: Get what for her?

DILLY: The gift of God.

MR. MATT: (incredulous) The gift of God?

DILLY: Actually, I don’t know her size, so I thought I would just get her the gift card of God.

MR. MATT: You can’t get Flora the gift of God.

DILLY: My heavenly days! Why not? She’s sweeter than Tupelo honey.

MR. MATT: It’s not a question of how sweet she is. That’s just not how you get the gift of God.

DILLY: Oh, is it something I have to get off the interwebs?

MR. MATT: No. First, you can’t give someone else the gift of God. That’s something that only God can give.

DILLY: Do tell.

MR. MATT: Second, the gift has already been paid for by Jesus’ death on the cross. You just have to accept it. That’s why it is called a gift.

DILLY: Well, butter my tail and call me a biscuit. I’ll have to be sure to tell Flora that she can get this gift straight from God.


MR. MATT: Is that it?

DILLY: I believe so. Why?

MR. MATT: You usually get all worked up and go rushing out of here.

DILLY: I realized that I’d gotten into that rut, so I’m turning over a new leaf. I’ve decided not to run around like a squirrel in a cage any more.

MR. MATT: Good for you. I figured you’d be frantic about coming up with a different gift for Flora’s birthday.

DILLY: (frantic) A gift! For Flora! Oh my! It plum skipped my mind! And she’s so hard to shop for, bless her heart. I must get to the store directly. (exits quickly)

MR. MATT: (stares at stage surprised at Dilly’s sudden departure)

DILLY: (reappears) I almost forgot – bye, y’all! (exits)