Tuesday, July 30, 2013

He's a Prophet, Dude

Scripture Reference:  OT Prophets

A skit about Biblical prophecy.

            PROPHET – an OT prophet
            DUDE – a lizard


(PROPHET enters.)

PROPHETGood morning.  I am an Old Testament prophet.  I understand that you will be studying Old Testament prophets, (DUDE enters) so I thought I'd make myself available to see if you have…

DUDE:  (nudges PROPHET) Hey!

PROPHET:  …to see if you have any…

DUDE:  (nudges PROPHET) Hey, prophet man!

PROPHET:  (quickly) …see if you have any questions.  (turning to DUDE, annoyed) Yes?

DUDE:  I have a question.

PROPHET:  Very good.  What is it young…  Um.  Uh.

DUDE:  Dude.  My name is Dude.

PROPHET:  What is it, Dude?

DUDE:  So you're a profit?

PROPHET:  Yes, I am.

DUDE:  Great!  I'm trying to buy a new Nintendo DS and could use some profit.

PROPHET:  Not P-R-O-F-I-T profit.  P-R-O-P-H-E-T prophet.  A person who speaks for God.

DUDE:  So you can't help me make money?

PROPHET:  I'm afraid not, Dude.  Most prophets lead a humble life.  At one point, the prophet Elijah was eating food brought to him by ravens.

DUDE:  Do you think you could get one of those ravens to bring me a Nintendo DS?


DUDE:  A Chase McCain video game?


DUDE:  Then can you tell me when I'll have enough money to buy a Nintendo DS?

PROPHET:  I'm not a fortune teller.

DUDE:  But I thought prophets could see the future.

PROPHET:  Prophets speak for God.  Sometimes God gives us a glimpse at the future to warn people to change their ways or to give hope to people feeling hopeless.

DUDE:  It would make me feel a lot less hopeless if I knew when I'd have enough money to get my Nintendo DS.

PROPHET:  Sorry, that's not the way God works, Dude.

DUDE:  Hmmm.  Well, do you have any gold?


DUDE:  Or silver or diamonds or rubies?

PROPHET:  What are you talking about now?

DUDE:  I just thought maybe you were a miner prophet and had some gold or gems or something.

PROPHET:  Not M-I-N-E-R miner.  M-I-N-O-R minor.  It refers to prophets who wrote shorter books and has nothing to do with mining.

DUDE:  Bummer.  So can you do anything to help me get a Nintendo DS?

PROPHET:  I can tell you that if you continue to make a Nintendo DS your idol, you will come to ruin.

DUDE:  Not really what I was looking for.

PROPHET:  That's all I got, Dude.

DUDE:  Oh, well.  Dude abides.  (exits)

PROPHET:  Thank you for your time this morning, children.  And remember you are loved with an everlasting love and underneath are the everlasting arms!  (exits)

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

This Looks Like a Job for Job

Scripture Reference: Job 1:13-22

A skit that demonstrates that we should worship in times of trouble.

TURQ – an energetic little monster from the hills
MISS REBECCA – the teacher who sets him straight

Bible for MISS REBECCA opened to the book of Job.

(During the third song (God You're Good to Me), TURQ enters but does not sing. He looks sad and dejected.)

MISS REBECCA: What are you doing, Turq? Don’t tell me you're still embarrassed by singing?


MISS REBECCA: You don’t still think it’s girly or undignified?


MISS REBECCA: Then what is it?

TURQ: Nuttin'.

MISS REBECCA: It’s not nothing. You look like someone popped your balloon.

TURQ: I’ve just had a bad week. I don’t want to go into detail.

MISS REBECCA: Well, if you want to talk…

TURQ: It’s just that I had to take my yearly bath this week…

MISS REBECCA: That doesn’t sound so bad.

TURQ: Well, I is youngest of 13 young'uns. That means I get in the warsh tub after everyone else. By the time I get there, it's like bathin' in murky pond water.

MISS REBECCA: I’m glad you don’t want to go into detail.

TURQ: Wut? Oh, sorry. Anyways, I just ain't up to worshipin'. Worship is all about feelin's, and I'm feelin' lower'n a bowlegged caterpillar.

MISS REBECCA: Worship is a lot more than just about your feelings. It isn’t just supposed to engage your heart, it's supposed to engage your mind, body, and spirit. In the book of John, Jesus says that “true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth.”

TURQ: Yeah, but if'n you had a bad day…

MISS REBECCA: Ever heard of Jōb? [NB: ō indicates to use a long O, as in "robe".]

TURQ: I don’t reckon I have.

MISS REBECCA: You know, Jōb – in the Bible. J-O-B, Jōb.

TURQ: I thought it was pro-nounced job.

MISS REBECCA: No, it’s Jōb.

TURQ: Did he have a brother named Bōb?


TURQ: Bōb. B-O-B.

MISS REBECCA: That would be Bob.

TURQ: And did he eat corn on the cōb?


TURQ: What about him?

MISS REBECCA: What about who?


MISS REBECCA: That’s Jōb, and he had a REALLY bad day. One day a messenger came to him and told him that his enemy had stolen all his oxen & donkeys and killed all his servants working in the fields.

TURQ: I bet that made him sōb.

MISS REBECCA: That’s sob. Then another messenger came to tell him that fire had fallen from the sky and killed all the sheep and shepherds.

TURQ: That’s bad, but…

MISS REBECCA: Then another messenger came to tell him that raiders had carried off his camels and killed his servants.

TURQ: That’s really bad, but…

MISS REBECCA: Then another messenger…

TURQ: Not another messenger!

MISS REBECCA: Yep, another messenger. This one came to tell him that while his sons and daughters were all together, a huge wind came up, blew down the house, and killed them all.

TURQ: Hoo wee! That's stanks worse than an ole polecat!

MISS REBECCA: That's probably one of the worst days anyone’s ever had.

TURQ: And you’re a-tellin' me that Jōb worshiped God after all that?!?

MISS REBECCA: Yes. Jōb 1:20-21 says: Then he fell to the ground in worship and said, "The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."

TURQ: How could he do that? He just had his family wiped out?

MISS REBECCA: When we remember that God is our Redeemer and that He truly loves us, we can rest in the knowledge that He is in control even when we don’t understand the reasons for what is happening.

TURQ: But how can I do that?

MISS REBECCA: You have to prepare. You can’t wait until things get hard to trust God. You have to practice that when things are good. Spend time in His Word, talk with Him in prayer, stand in His presence in worship. You have to KNOW you can trust Him BEFORE the bad times. In the bad times, you will want to doubt, it’s only natural. But if you have a foundation of trust already, you can stand on that foundation when the trust is hard.

TURQ: So worship is like getting' into shape. You cain’t wait til you is in the middle of a football game to start workin' out. You gotta do that before the game, so that you is pre pared.

MISS REBECCA: Exactly. Worship is part of what makes us healthy Christians. And when we are in difficult times in our lives, it reminds us that God is our Rock and our Redeemer.

TURQ: Well, doggies! If Jōb can worship after all of that, I guess I can, too.

MISS REBECCA: That’s our jōb.

TURQ: Now don’t YOU start that!

(The last song plays (10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord)) and TURQ participates. After the song…)

TURQ: (exiting) ♫ Bless the Lord, O my soul, I want a sausage roll, put it in the microwave… ♫

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Sprite As Rain

Scripture Reference: 2 Kings 20:1-11, 2 Chronicles 32:24-26, Isaiah 38

A lesson in following God and prayer.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. – Proverbs 3:5


 TURQ – an energetic little monster from the hills
 MR. MIKE – the teacher who sets him straight


(MR. MIKE is on stage when TURQ enters.)

TURQ: Hoo wee! Howdy-do, Mr. Mike.

MR. MIKE: Hi, Turq. What's up?

TURQ: Well, I've been reading the Good Book fer a piece now.

MR. MIKE: Reading the Bible is always a good thing. How's it going?

TURQ: I've been right taken with how the Lord answers prayers.

MR. MIKE: Yes, He does. God hears all of our prayers and answers them.

TURQ: That's what it sez, but I gotta notion that may not be truthful.

MR. MIKE: Why do you say that?

TURQ: 'Cuz my prayers ain't a-comin' true.

MR. MIKE: What are you praying for?

TURQ: I'm a-prayin' that it'd rain sody pop.

MR. MIKE: It's not going to rain soda pop.

TURQ: Is you a-sayin' the Lord cain't make it rain sody pop?

MR. MIKE: He could, but He isn't going to.

TURQ: Is you a-sayin' the Lord don't luv me 'nough to answer ma prayers?

MR. MIKE: No, I'm saying God doesn't work that way. First, think of the mess that would be caused if it rain Coke.

TURQ: It could be Dat Coke. It ain't as sticky.

MR. MIKE: More importantly, God isn't a vending machine or genie. He's not there to grant your wishes.

TURQ: He ain't?

MR. MIKE: He ain't – I mean, He isn’t.

TURQ: Well, bust ma legs and call me shorty. If'n the Lord ain't gonna give me what I want, why am I a-prayin'?

MR. MIKE: We pray for lots of reasons. We pray because, as followers of God, He has told us to.

TURQ: Well, I'm a-follerin', but He ain't lead me to no sody pop.

MR. MIKE: And one of the most important reasons is to get GOD's solutions and to know HIS will. It is not so we can get God to do our will.

TURQ: I reckon that's cause the Lord is whole mess smarter'n we'uns.

MR. MIKE: Yes, He is. But it's OK to come to God with specific requests, and we have God's promise that our prayers are not in vain, even if we don't receive specifically what we asked for. He has promised that when we ask for things that are in accordance with His will, He'll give us what we ask for. Sometimes He delays His answers according to His wisdom and for our benefit. In these situations, we need to be persistent in prayer.

TURQ: So if'n if the Lord's a-willin' fer me to have sody pop, He could make it rain sody pop.

MR. MIKE: I suppose, but…

TURQ: Then I reckon the problem is that I just ain't been per-sis-tent enuff.

MR. MIKE: That's not really what I meant when…

TURQ: I think I'm gonna head down to the fishin' hole and do me some prayin' about sody pop rain.

MR. MIKE: Before you go, I need to clarify…

TURQ: See y'all later. Bye!

MR. MIKE: (giving up) Bye, Turq.