Monday, June 28, 2010
A lesson in God’s provision.
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
SQUIGGLY – Ozzie’s pet worm
MISS STARR – the teacher who sets him straight
(MISS STARR is on stage when OZZIE excitedly enters.)
OZZIE: Miss Starr! Miss Starr! Emergency! Help! Help! It’s terrible! It’s terrible!
MISS STARR: Slow down, Ozzie. What’s the matter?
OZZIE: My dad might lose his job! It’s terrible! It’s terrible!
MISS STARR: That certainly is bad.
OZZIE: Not bad – it’s terrible! It’s tragic! It’s a travesty!
MISS STARR: Ozzie, slow down. First of all, you’re borrowing trouble. Your dad hasn’t actually lost his job yet.
OZZIE: No, but if he does, it will be TERRIBLE! We’ll have no money! We’ll lose our house! We’ll starve! And Squiggly will try up to a string and blow away!
MISS STARR: Ozzie! Calm down. It’s not that bad.
OZZIE: Not that bad?!? Squiggly drying up to a withered little string and blowing away in a puff of dust isn’t just bad – IT’S TERRIBLE!
MISS STARR: That would be pretty terrible, buy why do you think that will happen?
OZZIE: Aren’t you listening?!? If my dad loses his job, WE’LL HAVE NO MONEY!
MISS STARR: But why are you putting all your faith in your dad’s job?
OZZIE: Because that’s where the money comes from!
MISS STARR: No, the money comes from God.
OZZIE: They why does my dad go to work everyday?
MISS STARR: Because that’s how God has chosen to provide for your family. If your dad loses his job, God will provide for your family in a different way.
OZZIE: So God is going to take care of us?
MISS STARR: Not only is he going to take care of you, He’s been taking care of you. That’s what the Bible promises.
OZZIE: So will God buy me a PlayStation?
MISS STARR: The Bible doesn’t promise that.
MISS STARR: God promises to supply our daily needs. Sometimes he does this through natural means like a job. Sometimes He does it in supernatural ways that we can’t always understand. So do feel any better about the situation, Ozzie?
OZZIE: Yes, I do, Miss Starr. There’s just one thing.
MISS STARR: What’s that?
OZZIE: Squiggly wants to know if God will buy him PlayStation?
(OZZIE quickly exists. SQUIGGLY looks between Ozzie and Miss Starr, gets scared, then exists quickly.)
MISS STARR: Squiggly!
Monday, June 21, 2010
A lesson in choices and consequences.
DILLY – a southern fried chicken who doesn’t always get things straight
MISS STARR – the teacher who sets her straight
(MISS STARR is on stage when DILLY enters.)
DILLY: Good morning, Miss Starr.
MISS STARR: Hi, Dilly. How’re you doing?
DILLY: I’m just finer than frog hair, but my life has sho’ been a whirlwind lately.
MISS STARR: Oh really? What’s going on?
DILLY: Well, about a year ago the Lord laid it on my heart to help the homeless chickens.
MISS STARR: That sounds like a wonderful thing to do.
DILLY: Well, I know it is, but some of those homeless chickens smell a might… Miss Starr, have you ever smelled an old sneaker?
MISS STARR: Yes. They don’t smell too good.
DILLY: Well, imagine if it had been worn by a fish…
MISS STARR: Dilly!
DILLY: covered in stinky cheese and cabbage.
MISS STARR: That’s not nice at all!
DILLY: Well, it’s just the truth. It doesn’t make them bad, but I’m just saying…
MISS STARR: So did you help them?
DILLY: Well, I spent a lot of time in God’s Word and praying, and I felt convicted to do it. I didn't want to do it, but I did it anyway.
MISS STARR: That’s wonderful. How’d it go?
DILLY: I got together with some other hens, and we raised money and built the most darling chicken coops you ever saw.
MISS STARR: I bet God really blessed you for your obedience.
DILLY: Oh, He has! I met the loveliest bunch of hens, and we absolutely adore spending time with one another.
MISS STARR: That’s great.
DILLY: Oh, it is. We have lunch with one another, go shopping, play pinochle. We have had more fun than a flea at a dog show.
MISS STARR: I’m so happy for you. Are you still raising money to build chicken coops?
DILLY: Well, we’ve been spending so much time at our hen parties that we really don’t have time for that any more.
MISS STARR: Have you prayed about that?
DILLY: I’ve been intendin’ to, but I’ve been busier than a bee in tar bucket.
MISS STARR: And how’s that working out for you?
DILLY: Well, now that you mention it, none too well. My friend Flora and I were remarking just the other day that we were happier when we were busy raising money for those smelly chickens that we are now just having fun.
MISS STARR: That’s because you are outside of God’s plan for you. He loves it that you’re blessed with good friends, but you can’t let those friends take the place of God.
DILLY: (excitedly) I declare that I do believe y’all are right. I need to mend my ways. I am going to call Flora and the girls directly and get to work raising money for chicken coops again. (exits quickly)
MISS STARR: (stares at the stage surprised by DILLY’s sudden departure)
DILLY: (reappears) I almost forgot – bye, y’all!
MISS STARR: Bye, Dilly.
Monday, June 14, 2010
D.B. is a good albeit not very bright bunny. He is a kid of about 8-9 years old, the median age of my current class.
His voice was originally based on Benny from the Warner Brothers George and Benny cartoons. After I started doing D.B., the Pixar movie Up came out, and Dug's voice is also very similar.
To help me maintain his voice and character, I over-pronounce all words and never use contractions.
D.B. often goes down a rabbit trail when he misunderstands something that is said. His skits nearly always end with him saying thank you to his comic foil.
Ozzie is an an excitable little monster. He also is a kid of about 8 or 9.
His voice could be described as a cross between Wallace Shawn and Sylvester the Cat. He has an exaggerated interdental lisp. He gets worked up easily and often repeats words or phrases.
Ozzie enters and exits quickly, often just popping up or disappearing quickly. He typically makes an outrageous statement or comment that shows he didn't really completely understand the lesson before disappearing.
Ozzie has a pet worm named Squiggly.
Squiggly is Ozzie's pet worm. He is played by one of the finger funzles (the green one with the orange hair.) Squiggly's voice is done with a kazoo, because pet worms don't actually speak.
Ozzie makes it sound like Squiggly runs the show, but he is actually just along for the ride.
Ozzie has mentioned Squiggly in previous skits, but he will make is debut in two weeks.
Dilly is the newest addition. She is a southern fried chicken who doesn’t always get things straight. While she is older than the boys, she of an indeterminate age.
She has a very definite drawl. Her dialog is full of southern expressions and church clichés. She is well meaning and sweet, but she is easily led astray and often misunderstands what she is told.
She often refers to her friend Flora in her stories. They are old friends, and neither has ever met a bad idea.
Dilly makes her debut this Sunday.
Monday, June 7, 2010
A lesson about having the courage to stand alone.
D.B. – a good albeit not very bright bunny
MR. MIKE – the teacher who sets him straight
(Opens with D.B. offstage, and MR. MIKE at the back of the room.)
SFX: Glass breaking
SFX: “Run away!”
(MR. MIKE comes to the front holding a baseball. D.B. peaks over the top of the stage and spots MR. MIKE looking at him.)
D.B.: (reluctantly) Hi, Mr. Mike.
MR. MIKE: (seriously) Hello, D.B.
D.B.: It is a nice day.
MR. MIKE: It’s a very nice day.
D.B.: (after an awkward pause) Yes, very nice.
MR. MIKE: Where did all your friends go, D.B.?
MR. MIKE: I heard other kids outside playing. Where’d they go?
D.B.: Oh, those kids. They are not here any more.
MR. MIKE: I can see that. What happened to them?
D.B.: Um, they ran away.
MR. MIKE: Why did they run away?
D.B.: I do not know. Maybe their moms called them home for dinner.
MR. MIKE: Are you sure about that, D.B.?
D.B.: (dropping head) No. They ran away, because the baseball got hit really hard and broke someone’s window.
MR. MIKE: And whose window do you suppose got broken?
D.B.: (looking at the baseball) Yours?
MR. MIKE: Mine.
D.B.: (becoming upset) I am sorry, Mr. Mike. It was an accident.
MR. MIKE: I’m sure it was. I broke plenty of stuff when I was a kid, so I understand.
D.B.: You were a kid once?
MR. MIKE: (amused) Of course I was. Everyone was a kid at some time.
D.B.: Oh, yeah.
MR. MIKE: I’m angry, because all those kids ran away without taking responsibility for their actions.
D.B.: But they were scared.
MR. MIKE: Aren’t you scared too, D.B.?
D.B.: Yeah, but staying is the right thing to do.
MR. MIKE: All of your friends ran away. You could have run away too.
D.B.: Yeah, but being honest is the right thing to do even if no one else does it.
MR. MIKE: I’m proud of you, D.B.
D.B.: For breaking your window?
MR. MIKE: No, for having the courage to stand alone and do the right thing.
D.B.: Courage?!? I am so very frightened that my furry little knees are knocking together.
MR. MIKE: I know, and I appreciate that. Courage means doing what’s right even when it is hard.
D.B.: Thank you, Mr. Mike. What are you going to do with our ball?
MR. MIKE: I think I will hold on to it for now, until I have a chance to talk to the other kids’ parents.
D.B.: Are you going to talk to my parents?
MR. MIKE: No, we’re good.
D.B.: Thanks, Mr. Mike.
MR. MIKE: You’re welcome, D.B.
D.B.: Bye, Mr. Mike.
MR. MIKE: Bye, D.B.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
A lesson in worship.
JEFF – the worship leader
MATT – doesn’t know how to worship
(During City on Our Knees, the first song, MATT becomes less and less involved in the song. This continues until the song ends.)
JEFF: (looking at MATT, who ignores him) I want to see everyone singing this next song.
(During Big House, MATT completely stops singing and sits down. After the song…)
JEFF: Mr. Matt, what are you doing?
MATT: What? I’m singing. Didn’t you see my lips move?
JEFF: Praising God is more than just moving your lips. It’s thanking God for being our Provider. It’s thanking him with your whole heart.
MATT: Yeah, but it’s kinda embarrassing. I mean, singing in front of people. What if they hear my voice? I couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket. And as far hand motions and dancing around, I don’t think so.
JEFF: But you’re not suppose to be singing to any of these people.
MATT: (stage whisper) There the only ones here.
JEFF: You’re suppose to be singing to God.
MATT: Oh, yeah. But singing and raising your arms and dancing around is kinda… girly.
JEFF: What about a football player who dances in the end zone after a touchdown? Are you saying Marion Barber and Felix Jones are girly?
MATT: Well, not to their faces. But that’s football. Aren’t you suppose to be quiet and dignified in church?
JEFF: Yes, there are times when we need to be quiet. We don’t want people dancing around while Pastor Chris is preaching, but there is also a time to celebrate God.
MATT: Yeah, but…
JEFF: What if I told you that I know a famous warrior who danced for God?
MATT: David who?
JEFF: King David, who’ve been studying.
MATT: The King David? David-and-Goliath David?
JEFF: That’s the one. A few weeks ago we talked about how the Philistines had captured the Ark of the Covenant and placed it in a tent with an idol.
MATT: Carrie Underwood?
MATT: Daughtry? Jennifer Hudson?
JEFF: Not American Idol. A statue of their fish-god Dagon. When they came in the next morning, Dagon was lying on the ground.
MATT: I guess he wasn’t an idle idol.
JEFF: They put it back up, but the next morning it was on the ground with its arms and legs broken off.
MATT: Talk about it costing an arm and a leg.
MATT: Dagon was dis-armed.
MATT: I guess he didn’t have a leg to stand on.
JEFF: Any more?
MATT: One more: Did anyone give him a leg up?
JEFF: Are you done now?
MATT: Um… Yes.
JEFF: Thank you. So the Philistines sent word to David to come get the Ark, because Israel’s God was more powerful than Dagon.
JEFF: David led thirty thousand men to get the Ark. They all danced and sang and played instruments all the way back.
MATT: Kinda like the Polka Festival.
JEFF: King David took off his kingly robes and celebrated with everyone else.
MATT: He was naked?!?
JEFF: No, he was dressed like everyone else, because he want to be just part of the parade. It was about God, not him.
MATT: I bet the people loved that.
JEFF: Well, not everyone. His wife Michal thought it was vulgar and undignified. Because of her attitude, God cursed her.
JEFF: David on the other hand humbled himself. He didn’t praise God to impress anyone or to show how spiritual he was. He wanted to celebrate God’s provision. 2 Samuel 6:14 says that David “danced before the Lord with all of this might.”
MATT: And the Bible says that David was a man after God’s own heart. I guess this is part of the reason why.
JEFF: You got it.
MATT: Okay, if David can do it, so can I. Let’s praise God!
(During Come on and Dance, MATT sings whole-heartedly and even dances.)