A lesson on what it takes to be saved.
Cast:
DILLY – a southern fried chicken who doesn’t always get things straight
MISS REBECCA – the teacher who sets him straight
Props:
none
(MISS REBECCA starts on stage.)
DILLY: How y’all doin’, Miss Rebecca?
MISS REBECCA: Very well. How are you, Dilly?
DILLY: I’m finer than frog hair.
MISS REBECCA: It’s been a while. I remember you were having some problems with that bantam rooster. How are things going with him these days?
DILLY: I would prefer that you not speak about that scoundrel.
MISS REBECCA: Why? What happened?
DILLY: I have been trying to witness to his sad self, but he could try the patience of an oyster.
MISS REBECCA: What’s the problem?
DILLY: He says he’s already saved.
MISS REBECCA: Maybe he is.
DILLY: He’s meaner than a skilletful of rattlesnakes. There’s no way he could be saved.
MISS REBECCA: Being mean doesn’t really prove anything one way or the other. Does he admit he’s a sinner.
DILLY: I don’t see how he couldn’t. He’s as sinful as a pan o’ chocolate.
MISS REBECCA: Is that a yes?
DILLY: Yes, bless his heart.
MISS REBECCA: Does he believe Jesus died for his sins?
DILLY: I reckon he does.
MISS REBECCA: Has he prayed for salvation?
DILLY: He says he has, but he thinks all his geese are swans.
MISS REBECCA: I say that I have to agree with him that he’s already saved.
DILLY: He’s about as Christian as peanut butter.
MISS REBECCA: How can you say that?
DILLY: He’s never been to a tent revival.
MISS REBECCA: That’s not really a requirement.
DILLY: He doesn’t serve on any church committees.
MISS REBECCA: We encourage everyone to be active, but it’s not a condition of salvation.
DILLY: He doesn’t know all of the words to Amazing Grace.
MISS REBECCA: That’s OK.
DILLY: And… (dramatically) he brought ice cream to the last potluck.
MISS REBECCA: I like ice cream. What’s wrong with that?
DILLY: Everyone knows you have to bring a covered dish.
MISS REBECCA: I don’t think that’s true.
DILLY: I think it says that somewhere in the Bible. Maybe in one of the little books near the back.
MISS REBECCA: Dilly, all you need to do to be saved is have faith in Jesus.
DILLY: Pull the other one; it’s got bells.
MISS REBECCA: Ephesians 2:8 says, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.”
DILLY: Well, shut the barn door, Newt, she’s headin’ for the rhubarb! (excitedly) I must make amends directly, or I will be making another grievous mistake. Like they say, “Two wrongs don't make a right, but six left turns will get you around the block and back in the driveway again.” I’ve got to go find him now. (exits quickly)
MISS REBECCA: (stares at stage surprised at Dilly’s sudden departure)
DILLY: (reappears) I almost forgot – bye, y’all! (exits)
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