Salt of the Earth

Scripture Reference: Matthew 5:13-16

A lesson on being a salty Christian.

Cast:

D.B. – a good albeit not very bright bunny

MR. MIKE – the teacher who sets him straight

Props:

Bible

(MR. MIKE starts on stage.)

MR. MIKE: This morning we are going to start a five-week study of Jesus' Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5-7. This morning we are going to learn about…

D.B.: Hi, Mr. Mike. Whatcha doin'?

MR. MIKE: Hi, D.B. I was just about to read our verse for today.

D.B.: Oh, goody. I love to hear Bible verses. What is it?

MR. MIKE: Matthew 5:13 says, " You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot."

D.B.: I like that verse.

MR. MIKE: It's a good verse. Do you know what it means?

D.B.: Yes, I do, and I even have the perfect Bible story to go with it.

MR. MIKE: You do?

D.B.: Oh, yes. I have been reading the book of Genesis.

MR. MIKE: That's great, D.B. What story is it? Noah? Abraham?

D.B.: Sodom & Gomorrah.

MR. MIKE: That doesn't sound like…

D.B.: Trust me. There is a connection.

MR. MIKE: (warily) OK. Go ahead.

D.B.: God destroyed Sodom & Gomorrah, because they were so evil. But God spared Lot and his family. God warned them not to look back, but Lot's wife did look back and…

TOGETHER: …turned into a pillar of salt.

D.B.: Yeah.

MR. MIKE: That’s not the kind of salt…

D.B.: Do you think Lot kept his wife in a salt shaker on the mantle?

MR. MIKE: I don't know, but that's not…

D.B.: That is very possible. My mom was driving one time, and she looked back and turned into a telephone pole.

MR. MIKE: No, I mean the verse from Matthew doesn’t mean we have to turn into salt.

D.B.: Well, that is a good thing. I would be in a real PINCH if were SALT. Get it? Pinch. Salt. It is a little joke.

MR. MIKE: Jokes that little should still be in the nursery.

D.B.: I just got told by Mr. Mike.

MR. MIKE: What Jesus meant was that just like salty food makes us thirsty for water, we are to be salty to make others thirsty for Living Water, which is Jesus. Do you understand?

D.B.: Oh, I get it now. And I am not even in-SALT-ed that you thought I might not get it. Did you hear what I did? In-SALT-ed. I made another funny.

MR. MIKE: You better stop, or I will a-SALT you.

D.B.: MR. MIKE made a funny, too. Good one, Mr. Mike.

MR. MIKE: Thank you, D.B.

D.B.: You are welcome, Mr. Mike.

MR. MIKE: Bye, D.B.

D.B.: Bye, Mr. Mike. (exits)

Trinity Trip Up

Scripture Reference: Matthew 3:13-17, Luke 3:21-22


A lesson on the Trinity.

Cast:
GRANNY GRACE – a sweet old storyteller who doesn't always get the facts straight
MR. MIKE – the teacher who sets him straight

Props:
none

(MR. MIKE starts on stage.)

GRANNY: Good morning, dears.

MR. MIKE: Good morning, Granny.

GRANNY: What are you folks doing this morning?

MR. MIKE: Well, I was just about to tell the kids what we're going to be studying today.

GRANNY: It would mean the world to me if you'd let me do that – if it's no imposition.

MR. MIKE: If it means that much to you, please go ahead.

GRANNY: Thank you, dearie. (turns to kids, stares for a moment with mouth open as if about to speak, then turns to MR. MIKE) What are we studying today?

MR. MIKE: If you don't know, why'd you ask to tell them?

GRANNY: Because it is such a delight imparting knowledge to these bright young minds.

MR. MIKE: I understand.

GRANNY: Or at least most of them.

MR. MIKE: Granny!

GRANNY: I'm just saying…

MR. MIKE: Well, we are going to be studying the Trinity today.

GRANNY: Boys and girls. Boys and girls. Please pay attention. I have something very important to tell you. Today we will be studying the Trinity.

MR. MIKE: Very nice.

GRANNY: The Trinity is a 710-mile long river located in northeast Texas.

MR. MIKE: Wait…

GRANNY: It was discovered by the French explorer La Salle in 1687 and named "the Most Holy Trinity" in 1690 by Alonso De León.

MR. MIKE: That's not the right…

GRANNY: The Trinity has five branches: the West Fork, the Clear Fork, the North Wedge, the Elm Fork, and the East Fork.

MR. MIKE: I didn't mean the river…

GRANNY: It had become so polluted by the 70's that it was the subject of many jokes, including a song by the Folkel Minority.

MR. MIKE: Granny!

GRANNY: ♫♪ Roll mighty river/Roll on Trinity/Through the Texas blacklands/It oozes toward the sea./Roll on Muddy Buddy/Captain, ring your bell/We'll be to the Gulf by tomorrow night/If we can stand the smell. ♪♫

MR. MIKE: Granny!!

GRANNY: (unphased) Yes, dear?

MR. MIKE: We're not studying the Trinity River. We are studying the doctrine of the Trinity.

GRANNY: Well, that's completely different. The Trinity River is quite important but not compared studying the nature of God.

MR. MIKE: I can't argue with that.

GRANNY: Well, then I guess my work here is done.

MR. MIKE: Thank you for visiting with us today, Granny.

GRANNY: My pleasure. And remember, children: Don't cut your own bangs and read your Bible every day. Bye, dears. (exits):

Just Down the Romans Road

Scripture Reference:  Romans, Ephesians 2:8

A lesson on what it takes to be saved.

Cast:
 DILLY – a southern fried chicken who doesn’t always get things straight
 MISS REBECCA – the teacher who sets him straight

Props:
 none

(MISS REBECCA starts on stage.)

DILLY:  How y’all doin’, Miss Rebecca?

MISS REBECCA:  Very well.  How are you, Dilly?

DILLY:  I’m finer than frog hair.

MISS REBECCA:  It’s been a while.  I remember you were having some problems with that bantam rooster.  How are things going with him these days?

DILLY:  I would prefer that you not speak about that scoundrel.

MISS REBECCA:  Why?  What happened?

DILLY:  I have been trying to witness to his sad self, but he could try the patience of an oyster.

MISS REBECCA:  What’s the problem?

DILLY:  He says he’s already saved.

MISS REBECCA:  Maybe he is.

DILLY:  He’s meaner than a skilletful of rattlesnakes.  There’s no way he could be saved.

MISS REBECCA:  Being mean doesn’t really prove anything one way or the other.  Does he admit he’s a sinner.

DILLY:  I don’t see how he couldn’t.  He’s as sinful as a pan o’ chocolate.

MISS REBECCA:  Is that a yes?

DILLY:  Yes, bless his heart.

MISS REBECCA:  Does he believe Jesus died for his sins?

DILLY:  I reckon he does.

MISS REBECCA:  Has he prayed for salvation?

DILLY:  He says he has, but he thinks all his geese are swans.

MISS REBECCA:  I say that I have to agree with him that he’s already saved.

DILLY:  He’s about as Christian as peanut butter.

MISS REBECCA:  How can you say that?

DILLY:  He’s never been to a tent revival.

MISS REBECCA:  That’s not really a requirement.

DILLY:  He doesn’t serve on any church committees.

MISS REBECCA:  We encourage everyone to be active, but it’s not a condition of salvation.

DILLY:  He doesn’t know all of the words to Amazing Grace.

MISS REBECCA:  That’s OK.

DILLY:  And… (dramatically) he brought ice cream to the last potluck.

MISS REBECCA:  I like ice cream.  What’s wrong with that?

DILLY:  Everyone knows you have to bring a covered dish.

MISS REBECCA:  I don’t think that’s true.

DILLY:  I think it says that somewhere in the Bible.  Maybe in one of the little books near the back.

MISS REBECCA:  Dilly, all you need to do to be saved is have faith in Jesus.

DILLY:  Pull the other one; it’s got bells.

MISS REBECCA:  Ephesians 2:8 says, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.”

DILLY:  Well, shut the barn door, Newt, she’s headin’ for the rhubarb!  (excitedly) I must make amends directly, or I will be making another grievous mistake.  Like they say, “Two wrongs don't make a right, but six left turns will get you around the block and back in the driveway again.”  I’ve got to go find him now.   (exits quickly)

MISS REBECCA:  (stares at stage surprised at Dilly’s sudden departure)

DILLY:  (reappears) I almost forgot – bye, y’all!  (exits)

The Sword of the Spirit

Scripture Reference: Ephesians 6:10-20

A lesson on the Armor of God.

Cast:
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
MR. MATT – the teacher who sets him straight

Props:
none

(MR. MATT starts on stage. OZZIE enters distracted & upset, mumbling to himself.)

MR. MATT: What’s the matter, Ozzie?

OZZIE: Oh. Hi, Mr. Matt. This is the worst day ever.

MR. MATT: That’s pretty bad. What happened?

OZZIE: As you may have heard, I’m trying to be a superhero.

MR. MATT: I heard about that.

OZZIE: Well, I’m trying to put on the full armor of God. Every week, I’ve come out here to show off some new piece of my armor. Each piece has been specially crafted and is quite creative and stylish, if I do say so myself.

MR. MATT: I’m sure it is, but so far, I don’t hear a problem.

OZZIE: The problem is that Mr. Mike and Miss Rebecca poopooed by armor.

MR. MATT: That doesn’t sound like them.

OZZIE: Well, they did. Mr. Mike said poo, and Miss Rebecca said poo. And that makes a poopoo. They said the armor was a metaphor or a symbol or some such silly thing.

MR. MATT: Oh, I see.

OZZIE: And that I don’t need to wear all my nifty armor. So now I’m a superhero without a name or a costume, and my friends won’t say ooh and aah, cause they don’t even know I’m supposed to be a superhero.

MR. MATT: But God’s armor is much better, because it helps you defend against evil and fight for God.

OZZIE: But it’s not as shiny as real armor.

MR. MATT: It’s not as shiny.

OZZIE: Then I’m finally ready to get the last piece of armor: (dramatically) THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT!

MR. MATT: The sword of the Spirit?

OZZIE: Not the sword of the Spirit. (dramatically) THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT!

MR. MATT: (dramatically) THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT!

OZZIE: Yeah. Don’t worry, Mr. Mike had the same problem. Anyway, I got my (dramatically) SWORD OF THE SPIRIT, and my mom makes me leave it at home. She says it’s too dangerous.

MR. MATT: You had a real sword?

OZZIE: Yeah.

MR. MATT: Really?

OZZIE: Well, it was a pointy stick, but it looked a lot like a real sword.

MR. MATT: I hate to tell you this, but you don’t need a real sword. Paul was just using…

OZZIE: Don’t say it!

MR. MATT: …a metaphor.

OZZIE: Oh, no! Not you too. Mr. Matt.

MR. MATT: Sorry, Ozzie, but I gotta call ‘em like I see ‘em.

OZZIE: But I thought you were so cool.

MR. MATT: I’m sorry if you don’t’ think I’m cool any more, but the sword of the spirit…

OZZIE: (clears throat)

MR. MATT: Sorry. (dramatically) THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT is the Word of God. It’s the Bible.

OZZIE: So wait. In this case, (dramatically) THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT is a real thing? It’s my Bible?

MR. MATT: That’s right.

OZZIE: Sweet! Then I do have my superhero costume: invisible armor and a sword, which is my Bible.

MR. MATT: I like it.

OZZIE: Thanks, Mr. Matt. I guess you’re cool, after all.

MR. MATT: Thanks. So what’s next?

OZZIE: I heard you’re studying the Fruit of the Spirit next.

MR. MATT: I believe we are.

OZZIE: Swell. ‘Cause I have a spiffy kiwi costume that would be just perfect. (exits)

MR. MATT: Ozzie!

The Shoes of the Gospel of Peace

Scripture Reference: Ephesians 6:10-20

A lesson on the Armor of God.

Cast:
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
MISS REBECCA – the teacher who sets him straight

Props:
most hideous pair of shoes that can be found

(MISS REBECCA starts on stage.)

OZZIE: (without zesty jolliness) Hi, Miss Rebecca.

MISS REBECCA: Hi, Ozzie. You seem a little down. What's wrong?

OZZIE: you know how I've been trying to be a superhero?

MISS REBECCA: Right. And you've been trying to put on the armor of God. Which reminds me, you're not wearing anything new this week.

OZZIE: That's the problem. I'm kinda scared.

MISS REBECCA: You're scared of the armor of God?

OZZIE: Not all of it. Just the gospel of peace.

MISS REBECCA: Why is that so scary?

OZZIE: 'Cause the Bible says I have to get shot!

MISS REBECCA: Are you sure about that, sweetie?

OZZIE: Yes! It's very specific. It says I have to be shot in the feet!

MISS REBECCA: Shot it the feet? (realizes what it really is) Oh. Not shot, shod. Your feet shod with the gospel of peace.

OZZIE: Shot. Shod. Either way, it scares me.

MISS REBECCA: Shod means to fit with shoes. It's the past tense of the verb shoe.

OZZIE: Wouldn't that be shoed?

MISS REBECCA: That's what we'd say now, but in the time the King James Bible was written, they said shod.

OZZIE: Like they said Thee and Thou and didst?

MISS REBECCA: Exactly.

OZZIE: That's stupendous.

MISS REBECCA: Putting on shoes is much better than getting shot.

OZZIE: Oh yeah, there is that, but I meant... (exits and returns with shoes) now I can wear these!

MISS REBECCA: What are those?

OZZIE: (dramatically) THE SHOES OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE!

MISS REBECCA: And of all the shoes there are to pick from, are those really the ones you want to wear?

OZZIE: Yeah! I figure they'd really scare the devil.

MISS REBECCA: Trust me that they scare more that the devil.

OZZIE: Can you please help me put them on?

MISS REBECCA: I could, but you don't need those shoes.

OZZIE: But I really want to put them on.

MISS REBECCA: But I really don't want to see them on you.

OZZIE: Huh?

MISS REBECCA: What I mean is – the shoes symbolize our readiness to go into the world to share the Gospel and spread God's peace.

OZZIE: Oh! And these wouldn't be very useful for that.

MISS REBECCA: I'm not sure those things are useful for anything by scaring crows.

OZZIE: And this is Texas.

MISS REBECCA: What does that have to do with anything?

OZZIE: I need to go get my (dramatically) FLIP FLOPS OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE! (exits)

MISS REBECCA: Ozzie!