Scripture Reference: 1 Samuel 25
A lesson in kindness and humility.
OZZIE – a mischievous little monster
MR. MATT – the teacher who sets him straight
Bible (for Mr. Matt)
(MR. MATT is on stage when OZZIE enters.)
OZZIE: Mr. Matt, Mr. Matt, I need your help.
MR. MATT: Hey, Ozzie. What’s up?
OZZIE: There’s a kid at school named Alfonso Pasquale, and he doesn’t believe in God. I need a Bible verse to use with him.
MR. MATT: Let’s see. A verse that proves God exists…
OZZIE: No, I’m looking for a verse that proves Alfonso Pasquale is a numbskull.
MR. MATT: Ozzie! You’re not going to find a verse like that.
OZZIE: Now you tell me. I’ve read all of Paul’s letters, and he never once uses the word numbskull.
MR. MATT: Of course not.
OZZIE: Maybe I should use a concordance. How do you spell “knucklehead”?
MR. MATT: No, Ozzie.
OZZIE: Is "lamebrain" one or two words?
MR. MATT: Ozzie!
OZZIE: Or maybe…
MR. MATT: Ozzie! You’re not going to find any of those words in the Bible.
OZZIE: Well, then how am I gonna prove that not believing in God makes him a numbskull?
MR. MATT: You can’t. Besides, that’s completely the wrong approach.
OZZIE: It is? Maybe I should bonk him in the head. Hi-ya!
MR. MATT: Don’t bonk him in the head.
OZZIE: How about I poke him in the eyes?
MR. MATT: Why would you poke him in the eyes?
OZZIE: That’s what Moe on the Three Stooges would do.
MR. MATT: I don’t think Moe is a very good role model for evangelism.
OZZIE: Probably not. Then what should I do?
MR. MATT: Be nice.
OZZIE: Be nice. Be nice. Be nice. That’s all you ever say.
MR. MATT: That’s because it works. Haven’t you ever heard it’s easier to catch flies with honey than with vinegar?
OZZIE: What’s that gotta do with anything? I’m not trying to convince flies to believe in God!
MR. MATT: I mean that your friend sees God in your words and your actions.
MR. MATT: Exactly. You’re going to do a better job convincing him that God exists by being nice to him than by trying to prove he is a numbskull or giving him an eye gouge.
OZZIE: Because God is about loving people, not poking them in the eye.
MR. MATT: Right.
OZZIE: But love takes such a long time. Are you sure I can’t bonk him in the head just once?
MR. MATT: Not even once.
OZZIE: How about if I bonk him softly?
MR. MATT: Not even softly.
OZZIE: How about if…
MR. MATT: Ozzie! Don’t bonk him at all.
OZZIE: Okay, okay. No bonking.
MR. MATT: No eye gouging.
OZZIE: No eye gouging.
MR. MATT: No nothing.
MR. MATT: Nothing!
OZZIE: Then I better go.
MR. MATT: Go where?
OZZIE: I gotta go get the pepper-flavored gum from Alfonso Pasquale before he eats it. (exits)
MR. MATT: Ozzie!