Monday, May 24, 2010

Ain’t No Moe

Scripture Reference: 1 Samuel 25
Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart. – 1 Samuel 13:7
A lesson in kindness and humility.

OZZIE – a mischievous little monster
MR. MATT – the teacher who sets him straight

Bible (for Mr. Matt)

(MR. MATT is on stage when OZZIE enters.)

OZZIE: Mr. Matt, Mr. Matt, I need your help.

MR. MATT: Hey, Ozzie. What’s up?

OZZIE: There’s a kid at school named Alfonso Pasquale, and he doesn’t believe in God. I need a Bible verse to use with him.

MR. MATT: Let’s see. A verse that proves God exists…

OZZIE: No, I’m looking for a verse that proves Alfonso Pasquale is a numbskull.

MR. MATT: Ozzie! You’re not going to find a verse like that.

OZZIE: Now you tell me. I’ve read all of Paul’s letters, and he never once uses the word numbskull.

MR. MATT: Of course not.

OZZIE: Maybe I should use a concordance. How do you spell “knucklehead”?

MR. MATT: No, Ozzie.

OZZIE: Is "lamebrain" one or two words?

MR. MATT: Ozzie!

OZZIE: Or maybe…

MR. MATT: Ozzie! You’re not going to find any of those words in the Bible.

OZZIE: Well, then how am I gonna prove that not believing in God makes him a numbskull?

MR. MATT: You can’t. Besides, that’s completely the wrong approach.

OZZIE: It is? Maybe I should bonk him in the head. Hi-ya!

MR. MATT: Don’t bonk him in the head.

OZZIE: How about I poke him in the eyes?

MR. MATT: Why would you poke him in the eyes?

OZZIE: That’s what Moe on the Three Stooges would do.

MR. MATT: I don’t think Moe is a very good role model for evangelism.

OZZIE: Probably not. Then what should I do?

MR. MATT: Be nice.

OZZIE: Be nice. Be nice. Be nice. That’s all you ever say.

MR. MATT: That’s because it works. Haven’t you ever heard it’s easier to catch flies with honey than with vinegar?

OZZIE: What’s that gotta do with anything? I’m not trying to convince flies to believe in God!

MR. MATT: I mean that your friend sees God in your words and your actions.

OZZIE: Yikes!

MR. MATT: Exactly. You’re going to do a better job convincing him that God exists by being nice to him than by trying to prove he is a numbskull or giving him an eye gouge.

OZZIE: Because God is about loving people, not poking them in the eye.

MR. MATT: Right.

OZZIE: But love takes such a long time. Are you sure I can’t bonk him in the head just once?

MR. MATT: Not even once.

OZZIE: How about if I bonk him softly?

MR. MATT: Not even softly.

OZZIE: How about if…

MR. MATT: Ozzie! Don’t bonk him at all.

OZZIE: Okay, okay. No bonking.

MR. MATT: No eye gouging.

OZZIE: No eye gouging.

MR. MATT: No nothing.

OZZIE: Nothing?

MR. MATT: Nothing!

OZZIE: Then I better go.

MR. MATT: Go where?

OZZIE: I gotta go get the pepper-flavored gum from Alfonso Pasquale before he eats it. (exits)

MR. MATT: Ozzie!

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