Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Vanity, Thy Name Is Ozzie

Scripture Reference: Ecclesiastes

A skit illustrating that life is empty without God.
'Vanity of vanities,' says the Preacher; 'Vanity of vanities, all is vanity.' - Ecclesiastes 1:2
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
SQUIGGLY – Ozzie’s pet worm (all of Squiggly’s lines are “said” with a kazoo)
MAX – Ozzie’s boisterous pal
THE PUPPETEER – the one who brings life to the puppets

(The scene opens with OZZIE lying on stage motionless when MAX enters.)

MAX: Good morning, Ozzie. How are you doing?


MAX: Yeah, I have days like that too, where I don’t feel much like talking. That’s why I start my day off with a coffee IV.


MAX: You look lower than a bow legged caterpillar.Lemme tell you a joke to cheer you up. How does that sound?


MAX: Great! You know how to make a tissue dance? (pause) Blow a little boogie into it. (laughs at his own joke)


MAX: No. How about this one: What did Obi-Wan say to Luke Skywalker at dinner? (pause) May the forks be with you. (laughs at his own joke)


MAX: Hmmm. I know, I know. Why did the chicken cross the playground? (pause) To get to the other slide. (laughs at his own joke)


MAX: Hey, this is my best stuff, and you’re being quieter than a mouse sleeping in cotton. It’s time to bring out the big guns. Knock, knock.


MAX: I said, “Knock, knock.”


MAX: I said… (walks over and shakes OZZIE knocking him to the ground) Uh oh! (stares at ground in shock)

SQUIGGLY: (enters) Yoohoo!

MAX: Oh. Hey, Squiggly. (glancing at OZZIE) What’s wrong with Ozzie?

SQUIGGLY: (gives a long unintelligible answer; MAX peppers in Yeah’s and Uh-huh’s like he understands)

MAX: What in the name of Charlie McCarthy was he thinking. How does Ozzie think he could do anything without the puppeteer?

SQUIGGLY: (speaks)

MAX: That’s right. He’s just a lifeless lump of fabric without the hand of the puppeteer.


MAX: I’m sure the puppeteer would be happy to give Ozzie another chance. Would you take Ozzie to him?


(SQUIGGLY exits)

SQUIGGLY: (speaks offstage)

PUPPETEER: (offstage) Of course, I would, but it’s really up to Ozzie. Ozzie, do want my life in you?

OZZIE: (offstage) Yes, sir. (after a beat, OZZIE enters full of life and with a paroxysm) That’s much better!

MAX: Glad to see you back to your old self, Ozzie.

OZZIE: Me too, Max.

MAX: I hope you’ve learned your lesson.

OZZIE: And how! I was such a silly little monster. I know now that I need the hand of the puppeteer to give me life.

MAX: And you’re very blessed that he was willing to give you a second chance.

OZZIE: Yeah, he’s a swell guy that way. There’s just one thing I want to know. Whose hand gives life to the puppeteer?

MAX: That’s the silliest thing you’ve ever… (then realizes that it’s a good question) You know, that’s a very good question, Ozzie.

OZZIE: Of course it is. How?

MAX: We need the puppeteer's hand to bring us life; puppeteers need God's hand to bring them life.

OZZIE: Otherwise they're just lifeless lumps of fabric?

MAX: Something like that. Their sin takes away their life. When they become Christians, they are filled with God's life.

OZZIE: That's sweet!

MAX: Sweeter than my mama’s banana cream pie. Now that you’re back to yourself, lemme tell you that knock- knock joke.

OZZIE: (frantic) Oh snap! I may have been better off as lifeless lump of fabric! (runs of screaming)

MAX: Ozzie! (chases after OZZIE) Knock, knock! Knock, knock!

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