Speck in My Eye Blues

Scripture Reference: Matthew 7:1-6

A blues song about not judging others.

Cast:
FAT DADDY THORNTON – an old blues singer (this name can be changed to match the person doing the character)
[Blues Name Generator The Blues Name Generator]

Costume:
Something to evoke Fats Waller, Muddy Waters, or John Lee Hooker.

Props:
A guitar, harmonica, etc. for the blues chords. Could also use an accompanist. I use a kazoo.

(FAT DADDY THORNTON enters and sits down.)

FAT DADDY THORNTON: Hello, chillen. My name is Fat Daddy Thornton, and I've been singing the blues since before any of you was born. If fact, I think I have underwear old than you.
This evening, I will be accompanying myself on the traditional blues kazoo. I'd like to do my latest song for y'all; I wrote while I was walking over to the chair: It is about one of the darkest, most tragic times of my life. It is about an event that plunged me into the depths of despair and misery. I hope you enjoy it:

(wa waaa waa wa) Woke up this mo'nin'
(wa waaa waa wa) Thought I would die
(wa waaa waa wa) Started moaning and groaning
Got a speck in my eye

I got those speck in my eye
Think I'm gonna cry-y-y blues.

(I tell ya, it hurts much too much.)

(wa waaa waa wa) Got me some Visine
(wa waaa waa wa) I sprayed and I sprayed
(wa waaa waa wa) Despite my ocular hygiene
That speck just stayed and it stayed

I got those speck in my eye
Ain't there nothin' else I can buy-uy-uy blues.

(I'm in need of some serious help.)

(wa waaa waa wa) I saw my buddy
(wa waaa waa wa) My buddy Frank
(wa waaa waa wa) He said he would help me
But in his eye was a plank

I got those speck in the eye
Why me, oh why-y-y blues.

(I'm fadin' fast, baby.)

(wa waaa waa wa) He said he would snatch it
(wa waaa waa wa) Never mind the board
(wa waaa waa wa) He was a-grabbin' and a-scratchin'
Oh help me, Lord

I got those speck in the eye
Please send some other guy-uy-uy blues.

(Oh please, Lord, send someone else.)

(wa waaa waa wa) I grabbed his neck
(wa waaa waa wa) As I started to groan
(wa waaa waa wa) You can't take out my speck
When you gotta plank of your own

I got those speck in the eye
Least I don't have a plank in mi-i-ine blues.

(Oh yeah, you gotta get rid of that log.)

(wa waaa waa wa) So this is the moral
(wa waaa waa wa) Of my story today
(wa waaa waa wa) You see, that door'll
Hit you when you go away.

Cause you got those plank in your eye
You gotta fly-y-y blues.

(I'm outta here, baby. Thank you very much.)
(wa wawawawawawawa)

(FAT DADDY THORNTON exits to thunderous applause.)