A lesson in humility.
Cast:
MISS REBECCA – the teacher who sets him straight
Props:
none
(MISS REBECCA is on stage.)
DILLY: How y'all doin', Miss Rebecca?
MISS REBECCA: Very well. How are you doing?
DILLY: I'm finer than frog hair.
MISS REBECCA: I hear you won a golf tournament.
DILLY: I'm so happy you brought that up, cher, because one should not brag on oneself. But please feel free to brag on me in my stead.
MISS REBECCA: Are you a good golfer?
DILLY: I'm fair to middlin'. I play to scratch.
MISS REBECCA: Really?
DILLY: No, of course not. I'm a wondrous golfer. I am undoubtedly the best chicken golfer in the country. (pause) The world. (pause) The universe. (pause) Ever. (pause) Forever and ever. But one should not brag on oneself.
MISS REBECCA: Are you really that good?!?
DILLY: Have you herd of Nancy Lopez and Babe Didrikson Zaharias?
MISS REBECCA: Yes, they're a couple of the best women golfers ever.
DILLY: I could beat 'em both with one wing tied behind my back. I won't even bring up those chumps Arnold Palmer or Jack Nicklaus, because one should not brag on oneself.
MISS REBECCA: You know, Dilly, for some who doesn't like to brag, you sure aren't very humble.
DILLY: What in the name of Col. Sanders are you talking about? I'm as humble as a toothless bumble.
MISS REBECCA: When you keep bragging about how great you are at golf, you're showing a lack of humility.
DILLY: I am great with humility.
MISS REBECCA: Dilly! You're even bragging about how humble you are.
DILLY: I'm just too humble to lie.
MISS REBECCA: Do you even listen to yourself?
DILLY: I try, but sometimes my mind wanders.
MISS REBECCA: You keep saying you don't like to brag on yourself, but you keep bragging on yourself about how great you are. And it’s not humble to boast about how humble you are.
DILLY: Well, paint me green and call me a pickle. I see what you mean. I've been prouder than a prize tomato. (getting more agitated) Oh my! My speech for the golf tournament banquet. I must go directly and change it, or I will look as foolish as a man chasing a hat. (exits quickly)
MISS REBECCA: (stares at stage surprised at Dilly’s sudden departure)
DILLY: (reappears) I almost forgot – bye, y’all! (exits)
No comments:
Post a Comment