Compelling Like Hotcakes

(Let me first offer a little backgroup on this. On Sunday, October 23, we had a special family service at our church. It involved a pancake breakfast before the service and the kids helping to lead praise. The Mr. Jeff referred to in the skit is me, and Miss Kelli is my wife.)

Cast:
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
MISS KELLI – the praise leader who sets him straight

(OZZIE is on stage with the praise band and kids singing Every Move I Make. When the song ends, OZZIE continues.)

OZZIE: Na na na na… (Slowly ends as he realized no one else is singing.) Well, that’s embarrassing.

MISS KELLI: Don’t be embarrassed, Ozzie. You should hear some of my mistakes. I’m just glad to hear you make a joyful noise.

OZZIE: That’s nothing, Miss Kelli. If you really want to hear noisy, you should hear Mr. Jeff.

MISS KELLI: What do you mean?

OZZIE: He can’t carry a tune in a paper sack.

MISS KELLI: That’s not nice, and you can’t tell me that you just came here to pick on Mr. Jeff.

OZZIE: I can’t?

MISS KELLI: No.

OZZIE: I guess that's just a bonus then.

MISS KELLI: Well, then what brought you here this morning?

OZZIE: My mom’s car.

MISS KELLI: Very funny, Ozzie. Why did you come here this morning?

OZZIE: Oh! The pancakes.

MISS KELLI: You can’t tell me the only reason you came this morning was the pancakes.

OZZIE: I can’t?

MISS KELLI: No. What about the kids singing?

OZZIE: That was sweet!

MISS KELLI: What about the other people?

OZZIE: I see ‘em. What about ‘em?

MISS KELLI: Well, did any of them greet you at the door this morning?

OZZIE: Yeah! Mr. Mike gave me a hug. Hi, Mr. Mike!

MISS KELLI: Did you meet Pastor John?

OZZIE: He’s really nice, and I’m sure his message today will be inspiring.

MISS KELLI: I’m sure it will be, too.

OZZIE: And he’s really tall.

MISS KELLI: He is tall.

OZZIE: I had to get my mountain climbing gear just to look him in the eyes.

MISS KELLI: Oh really?

OZZIE: I only made it part way up before I had to setup base camp.

MISS KELLI: How does that have anything to do with him being a good preacher?

OZZIE: I guess ‘cause his head is closer to heaven.

MISS KELLI: I don't know about that. Do you know anyone else here?

OZZIE: I know Mr. Jeff.

MISS KELLI: I already knew that. You help in children’s’ church.

OZZIE: He’s swell. (after each compliment, OZZIE gets slipped a dollar)

MISS KELLI: Yeah, but…

OZZIE: Handsome.

MISS KELLI: OK.

OZZIE: Talented.

MISS KELLI: Ozzie.

OZZIE: Funny.

MISS KELLI: Ozzie!

OZZIE: A great puppeteer.

MISS KELLI: OZZIE!

OZZIE: Yes. (drops money)

MISS KELLI: Just tell me what Mr. Jeff wants you to say?

OZZIE: He says you're one hot mama.

MISS KELLI: Tell Mr. Jeff he could have picked a better time to tell me that. Anything else?

OZZIE: (leans down then turns to MISS KELLI) Nopers.

MISS KELLI: You can’t tell me the only reason you're here this morning is pancakes.

OZZIE: I can’t?

MISS KELLI: Ozzie, there are lots of non-pancake reason to be here this morning. You get to spend the morning with loving people, worship God, and hear the Word preached.

OZZIE: Well, there are certainly are lots of reasons to be here.

MISS KELLI: So if someone else were to ask you why you came here this morning are you still going to say pancakes?

OZZIE: No, ma’am. Besides, pancakes are special just for this morning.

MISS KELLI: That’s right.

OZZIE: There’s something that’s here week after week that really brings me back.

MISS KELLI: Finally, you get it. What is it?

OZZIE: The doughnuts. (exits)

MISS KELLI: Ozzie!