(Let me first offer a little backgroup on this. On Sunday, October 23, we had a special family service at our church. It involved a pancake breakfast before the service and the kids helping to lead praise. The Mr. Jeff referred to in the skit is me, and Miss Kelli is my wife.)
Cast: OZZIE – an excitable little monster MISS KELLI – the praise leader who sets him straight
(OZZIE is on stage with the praise band and kids singing Every Move I Make. When the song ends, OZZIE continues.)
OZZIE: Na na na na… (Slowly ends as he realized no one else is singing.) Well, that’s embarrassing.
MISS KELLI: Don’t be embarrassed, Ozzie. You should hear some of my mistakes. I’m just glad to hear you make a joyful noise.
OZZIE: That’s nothing, Miss Kelli. If you really want to hear noisy, you should hear Mr. Jeff.
MISS KELLI: What do you mean?
OZZIE: He can’t carry a tune in a paper sack.
MISS KELLI: That’s not nice, and you can’t tell me that you just came here to pick on Mr. Jeff.
OZZIE: I can’t?
MISS KELLI: No.
OZZIE: I guess that's just a bonus then.
MISS KELLI: Well, then what brought you here this morning?
OZZIE: My mom’s car.
MISS KELLI: Very funny, Ozzie. Why did you come here this morning?
OZZIE: Oh! The pancakes.
MISS KELLI: You can’t tell me the only reason you came this morning was the pancakes.
OZZIE: I can’t?
MISS KELLI: No. What about the kids singing?
OZZIE: That was sweet!
MISS KELLI: What about the other people?
OZZIE: I see ‘em. What about ‘em?
MISS KELLI: Well, did any of them greet you at the door this morning?
OZZIE: Yeah! Mr. Mike gave me a hug. Hi, Mr. Mike!
MISS KELLI: Did you meet Pastor John?
OZZIE: He’s really nice, and I’m sure his message today will be inspiring.
MISS KELLI: I’m sure it will be, too.
OZZIE: And he’s really tall.
MISS KELLI: He is tall.
OZZIE: I had to get my mountain climbing gear just to look him in the eyes.
MISS KELLI: Oh really?
OZZIE: I only made it part way up before I had to setup base camp.
MISS KELLI: How does that have anything to do with him being a good preacher?
OZZIE: I guess ‘cause his head is closer to heaven.
MISS KELLI: I don't know about that. Do you know anyone else here?
OZZIE: I know Mr. Jeff.
MISS KELLI: I already knew that. You help in children’s’ church.
OZZIE: He’s swell. (after each compliment, OZZIE gets slipped a dollar)
MISS KELLI: Yeah, but…
OZZIE: Handsome.
MISS KELLI: OK.
OZZIE: Talented.
MISS KELLI: Ozzie.
OZZIE: Funny.
MISS KELLI: Ozzie!
OZZIE: A great puppeteer.
MISS KELLI: OZZIE!
OZZIE: Yes. (drops money)
MISS KELLI: Just tell me what Mr. Jeff wants you to say?
OZZIE: He says you're one hot mama.
MISS KELLI: Tell Mr. Jeff he could have picked a better time to tell me that. Anything else?
OZZIE: (leans down then turns to MISS KELLI) Nopers.
MISS KELLI: You can’t tell me the only reason you're here this morning is pancakes.
OZZIE: I can’t?
MISS KELLI: Ozzie, there are lots of non-pancake reason to be here this morning. You get to spend the morning with loving people, worship God, and hear the Word preached.
OZZIE: Well, there are certainly are lots of reasons to be here.
MISS KELLI: So if someone else were to ask you why you came here this morning are you still going to say pancakes?
OZZIE: No, ma’am. Besides, pancakes are special just for this morning.
MISS KELLI: That’s right.
OZZIE: There’s something that’s here week after week that really brings me back.
PASTOR JOHN: Looks like you're in a good mood this morning.
DILLY: Why I'm finer than frog hair.
PASTOR JOHN: I like the maracas.
DILLY: Gracias. I got these darling things on my vacation to Mehico.
PASTOR JOHN: And the sombrero is very festive.
DILLY: I do declare, you sweet talkin' thing. Are you flirtin' with me, sir?
PASTOR JOHN: What? No, I...
DILLY: You are one tall drink of water.
PASTOR JOHN: Thanks, but I...
DILLY: And as handsome as a TV anchor man.
PASTOR JOHN: Thinks – I guess – but really...
DILLY: But I don't think it'll work out.
PASTOR JOHN: Huh?
DILLY: I know I am an FDA-approved, grade A chick, but you've got to forget about me.
PASTOR JOHN: But I never...
DILLY: My daddy would never approve of a mixed marriage.
PASTOR JOHN: I don't think...
DILLY: Let's speak of our forbidden love no more.
PASTOR JOHN: That'll suit me just fine.
DILLY: (dramatic pause) You were saying.
PASTOR JOHN: (snapping out of it) Oh, yeah. You got those on your vacation in Mexico?
DILLY: Si. I wanted something to help me remember my splendid vacation.
PASTOR JOHN: So it was a good vacation?
DILLY: It was the kind of vacation that'll knock your socks clean off and into the washer.
PASTOR JOHN: Wow! That must have been some trip. Where in Mexico did you go?
DILLY: I don't rightly recall. I reckon it has some Spanish name. But we had the most splendid time. ¡La cucaracha, la cucaracha!
PASTOR JOHN: Did you try any yummy food while you were there?
DILLY: I don't rightly recall, but I'm certain we did. I think it was some sort of foreign food. But we had the most splendid time. ¡La cucaracha, la cucaracha!
PASTOR JOHN: What did you do while you were there?
DILLY: Well...
TOGETHER: I don't rightly recall.
DILLY: But we had...
TOGETHER: the most splendid time.
DILLY: How in the name of Col. Sanders did you know I was going to say that?
PASTOR JOHN: Because you can't seem to remember much about your "splendid vacation."
DILLY: But I have this adorable sombrero and maracas.
PASTOR JOHN: Those are the things you bought to help you remember your vacation. If you don't actually remember your vacation, they are just a hat and a couple of rattles.
DILLY: Well, don't that just pepper my gumbo. You are right, sir. (getting excited) I spent all that money on a vacation, and I don't recall it. That could depress a hyena. I must go directly to my friend Flora and have her tell me about our vacation. Flora! Flora! (exits quickly)
PASTOR JOHN: (stares at stage surprised at Dilly’s sudden departure)
DILLY: (reappears) I almost forgot – bye, y’all! (exits)
A skit illustrating that life is empty without God. Cast: OZZIE – an excitable little monster SQUIGGLY – Ozzie’s pet worm (all of Squiggly’s lines are “said” with a kazoo) MR. MATT – the teacher who sets him straight THE PUPPETEER – the one who brings life to the puppets
Props: None
(As MR. MATT ends prayer time, OZZIE is lying on stage motionless.)
MR. MATT: Good morning, Ozzie. How are you doing?
OZZIE:
MR. MATT: Ozzie?
OZZIE:
MR. MATT: Ozzie!
OZZIE:
MR. MATT: Are you OK, Ozzie?
OZZIE:
MR. MATT: (walks over and shakes OZZIE knocking him to the ground) What in the…? (stares at ground in shock)
SQUIGGLY: (enters) Yoohoo!
MR. MATT: Oh. Hey, Squiggly. (glancing at OZZIE) What’s wrong with Ozzie?
SQUIGGLY: (gives a long unintelligible answer; MR. MATT peppers in Yeah’s and Uh-huh’s like he understands)
MR. MATT: Why in the world would Ozzie think he could do anything without the puppeteer?
SQUIGGLY: I don’t know.
MR. MATT: He’s a puppet. He should know he has no life without the puppeteer.
SQUIGGLY: (speaks)
MR. MATT: That’s right. He’s just a lump of fabric without the hand of the puppeteer.
SQUIGGLY: Uh-huh.
MR. MATT: I’m sure the puppeteer would be happy to give Ozzie another chance. Would you take Ozzie to him?
SQUIGGLY: OK
(MR. MATT picks up OZZIE and passes him into the puppet stage; SQUIGGLY exits)
SQUIGGLY: (speaks offstage)
PUPPETEER: (offstage) Of course, I would, but it’s really up to Ozzie. Ozzie, do want my life in you?
OZZIE: (offstage) Yes, sir. (after a beat, OZZIE enters full of life and with a paroxysm) That’s much better!
MR. MATT: Glad to see you back to your old self, Ozzie.
OZZIE: Me too, Mr. Matt.
MR. MATT: I hope you’ve learned your lesson.
OZZIE: And how! I was such a silly little monster. I know now that I need the hand of the puppeteer to give me life.
MR. MATT: And you’re very blessed that he was willing to give you a second chance.
OZZIE: Yeah, he’s a swell guy that way. There’s just one thing I want to know. Whose hand gives life to the puppeteer?
MR. MATT: (gets ready to say “Ozzie!” then realizes that it’s a good question) You know, that’s a very good question, Ozzie.
(Let me first offer a little backgroup on this. On Sunday, October 23, we had a special family service at our church. It involved a pancake breakfast before the service and the kids helping to lead praise. The Mr. Jeff referred to in the skit is me, and Miss Kelli is my wife.)
Cast:
