Friday, December 23, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
Maggie Came from the East
Scripture Reference: Matthew 2:1-12
A skit introducing the Wise Men.
Cast:
GRANNY GRACE – a sweet old storyteller who doesn't always get the facts straight
MISS REBECCA – the teacher who sets her straight
(MISS REBECCA is on stage when GRANNY enters.)
GRANNY: Good morning, dears.
MISS REBECCA: Good morning, Granny. Do you have a story for us today?
GRANNY: Of course, young lady. Granny always has a story.
MISS REBECCA: What story do you have for us today?
GRANNY: Well, with Christmas coming up, I thought I’d tell you the story of the Wise Men Matthew 2.
MISS REBECCA: That sounds like a great idea.
GRANNY: Splendid! After Jesus was born, Wise Men came from the East following a star. Being astronomers and astrologers, they knew the star was a sign that a great king had been born. They headed west toward Judah. Since they were looking for a king, they went to the palace of King Herod. Imagine his surprise to hear there was a baby king when he and his wife had no baby. The scholars told them to look for the Christ child in Bethlehem. Herod told the Wise Men to return with the location of the child, so he could worship Him, too. Really, though, he was afraid of losing power, so he wanted to kill the baby king. They found the baby, and they gave him precious gifts and worshipped him. Being warned in a dream about Herod, they went home by a different route. When Herod found out, he was not a happy camper.
MISS REBECCA: That's all very interesting, Granny.
GRANNY: But that's not the most interesting part.
MISS REBECCA: Really?
GRANNY: Oh my lands, no. It seems that the Wise Men were all named Maggie.
MISS REBECCA: (dubious) Maggie?
GRANNY: Yes, dear. I know it’s a girl’s name today, but it must have been a man’s name back then.
MISS REBECCA: Granny...
GRANNY: In fact, it must have been a very popular man’s name, because they were ALL named Maggie.
MISS REBECCA: I don't think...
GRANNY: It must have been very confusing for them. Whose camel is this? It’s Maggie’s. It’s not my camel. No, I meant Maggie. Who has my myrrh? Maggie has it. Not me, check with Maggie. What is myrrh anyway. I don’t know, ask Maggie.
MISS REBECCA: Granny Grace!
GRANNY: Yes, dear?
MISS REBECCA: M-A-G-I is pronounced Magi not Maggie.
GRANNY: Are you quite sure, dearie?
MISS REBECCA: Yes, it’s pronounced Magi. It’s the plural of Magus.
GRANNY: Well, that's completely different. It's still a lovely story, no matter what their names were.
MISS REBECCA: Yes, it is.
GRANNY: And we should be like those wise men. We should bring our finest gifts to Jesus and worship Him.
MISS REBECCA: You are very right. Thank you for sharing the story of the Wise Men with us today, Granny.
GRANNY: My pleasure. And remember, children: wait at least 30 minutes after eating before you swim and read your Bible every day. Bye, dears. (exits)
A skit introducing the Wise Men.
Cast:GRANNY GRACE – a sweet old storyteller who doesn't always get the facts straight
MISS REBECCA – the teacher who sets her straight
(MISS REBECCA is on stage when GRANNY enters.)
GRANNY: Good morning, dears.
MISS REBECCA: Good morning, Granny. Do you have a story for us today?
GRANNY: Of course, young lady. Granny always has a story.
MISS REBECCA: What story do you have for us today?
GRANNY: Well, with Christmas coming up, I thought I’d tell you the story of the Wise Men Matthew 2.
MISS REBECCA: That sounds like a great idea.
GRANNY: Splendid! After Jesus was born, Wise Men came from the East following a star. Being astronomers and astrologers, they knew the star was a sign that a great king had been born. They headed west toward Judah. Since they were looking for a king, they went to the palace of King Herod. Imagine his surprise to hear there was a baby king when he and his wife had no baby. The scholars told them to look for the Christ child in Bethlehem. Herod told the Wise Men to return with the location of the child, so he could worship Him, too. Really, though, he was afraid of losing power, so he wanted to kill the baby king. They found the baby, and they gave him precious gifts and worshipped him. Being warned in a dream about Herod, they went home by a different route. When Herod found out, he was not a happy camper.
MISS REBECCA: That's all very interesting, Granny.
GRANNY: But that's not the most interesting part.
MISS REBECCA: Really?
GRANNY: Oh my lands, no. It seems that the Wise Men were all named Maggie.
MISS REBECCA: (dubious) Maggie?
GRANNY: Yes, dear. I know it’s a girl’s name today, but it must have been a man’s name back then.
MISS REBECCA: Granny...
GRANNY: In fact, it must have been a very popular man’s name, because they were ALL named Maggie.
MISS REBECCA: I don't think...
GRANNY: It must have been very confusing for them. Whose camel is this? It’s Maggie’s. It’s not my camel. No, I meant Maggie. Who has my myrrh? Maggie has it. Not me, check with Maggie. What is myrrh anyway. I don’t know, ask Maggie.
MISS REBECCA: Granny Grace!
GRANNY: Yes, dear?
MISS REBECCA: M-A-G-I is pronounced Magi not Maggie.
GRANNY: Are you quite sure, dearie?
MISS REBECCA: Yes, it’s pronounced Magi. It’s the plural of Magus.
GRANNY: Well, that's completely different. It's still a lovely story, no matter what their names were.
MISS REBECCA: Yes, it is.
GRANNY: And we should be like those wise men. We should bring our finest gifts to Jesus and worship Him.
MISS REBECCA: You are very right. Thank you for sharing the story of the Wise Men with us today, Granny.
GRANNY: My pleasure. And remember, children: wait at least 30 minutes after eating before you swim and read your Bible every day. Bye, dears. (exits)
Monday, December 5, 2011
The Big Hats
Scripture Reference: Matthew 1:1-17
A skit introducing Jesus' genealogy.
Cast:
GRANNY GRACE – a sweet old storyteller who doesn't always get the facts straight
MR. MIKE – the teacher who sets her straight
(MR. MIKE is on stage when GRANNY enters.)
GRANNY: Good morning, dears.
MR. MIKE: Good morning, Granny. Do you have a story for us today?
GRANNY: Of course, young man. Granny always has a story.
MR. MIKE: What story do you have for us today?
GRANNY: Well, with Christmas coming up, I thought we'd talk about Jesus' genealogy in Matthew 1.
MR. MIKE: That sounds like a great idea.
GRANNY: Splendid! Jesus' ancestors are a colorful bunch of characters: kings & queens, shepherds & farmers, prophets & even a giant killer. But don't think it's all a group of goodie two-shoes. Oh my lands, no. There were some real miscreants and ne'er-do-wells. Many of the kings were very naughty. Rehoboam, Abijah, Jeehoram, Ahaz, Manassah, Amon, and Jeconiah were all disobedient boys.
MR. MIKE: That's all very interesting, Granny.
GRANNY: But that's not the most interesting part.
MR. MIKE: Really?
GRANNY: Oh my lands, yes. It seems that all of Jesus' ancestors wore big hats.
MR. MIKE: (dubious) Big hats?
GRANNY: Yes, dear. In fact, that's what my old Sunday school teacher used to call this part of the book of Matthew: the big hats. I'd imagine Ruth wearing a big broad-rimmed hat with an enormous jaunty feather in it. I'm sure Boaz thought it was quite fetching.
MR. MIKE: Granny...
GRANNY: And David in a 10-gallon cowboy hat facing down the giant Goliath in a showdown.
MR. MIKE: I don't think...
GRANNY: And Abraham wearing a large festive sombrero to keep the sun out of his eyes while traveling in the desert.
MR. MIKE: Granny Grace!
GRANNY: Yes, dear?
MR. MIKE: It's not "big hat;" it's "begat."
GRANNY: Are you quite sure, dearie?
MR. MIKE: I'm not sure of a lot of things, but I'm sure about this. "To beget" means to create or to father. The begats is a list of who is the father of whom.
GRANNY: Well, that's completely different. It's still a lovely story, even without the hats.
MR. MIKE: Yes, it is.
GRANNY: And His ancestors show that it was not His pedigree that made Him special. His ancestors include liars and murderers and sinners of all sorts. But Jesus came for all of us, and we too are liars and murderers and sinners of all sorts.
MR. MIKE: Which shows just how much he loves us.
GRANNY: Well put, young man.
MR. MIKE: Thank you for sharing the story of Jesus' ancestors with us today, Granny.
GRANNY: My pleasure. And remember, children: Eat your vegetables and read your Bible every day. Bye, dears. (exits)
A skit introducing Jesus' genealogy.
Cast:
GRANNY GRACE – a sweet old storyteller who doesn't always get the facts straight
MR. MIKE – the teacher who sets her straight
(MR. MIKE is on stage when GRANNY enters.)
GRANNY: Good morning, dears.
MR. MIKE: Good morning, Granny. Do you have a story for us today?
GRANNY: Of course, young man. Granny always has a story.
MR. MIKE: What story do you have for us today?
GRANNY: Well, with Christmas coming up, I thought we'd talk about Jesus' genealogy in Matthew 1.
MR. MIKE: That sounds like a great idea.
GRANNY: Splendid! Jesus' ancestors are a colorful bunch of characters: kings & queens, shepherds & farmers, prophets & even a giant killer. But don't think it's all a group of goodie two-shoes. Oh my lands, no. There were some real miscreants and ne'er-do-wells. Many of the kings were very naughty. Rehoboam, Abijah, Jeehoram, Ahaz, Manassah, Amon, and Jeconiah were all disobedient boys.
MR. MIKE: That's all very interesting, Granny.
GRANNY: But that's not the most interesting part.
MR. MIKE: Really?
GRANNY: Oh my lands, yes. It seems that all of Jesus' ancestors wore big hats.
MR. MIKE: (dubious) Big hats?
GRANNY: Yes, dear. In fact, that's what my old Sunday school teacher used to call this part of the book of Matthew: the big hats. I'd imagine Ruth wearing a big broad-rimmed hat with an enormous jaunty feather in it. I'm sure Boaz thought it was quite fetching.
MR. MIKE: Granny...
GRANNY: And David in a 10-gallon cowboy hat facing down the giant Goliath in a showdown.
MR. MIKE: I don't think...
GRANNY: And Abraham wearing a large festive sombrero to keep the sun out of his eyes while traveling in the desert.
MR. MIKE: Granny Grace!
GRANNY: Yes, dear?
MR. MIKE: It's not "big hat;" it's "begat."
GRANNY: Are you quite sure, dearie?
MR. MIKE: I'm not sure of a lot of things, but I'm sure about this. "To beget" means to create or to father. The begats is a list of who is the father of whom.
GRANNY: Well, that's completely different. It's still a lovely story, even without the hats.
MR. MIKE: Yes, it is.
GRANNY: And His ancestors show that it was not His pedigree that made Him special. His ancestors include liars and murderers and sinners of all sorts. But Jesus came for all of us, and we too are liars and murderers and sinners of all sorts.
MR. MIKE: Which shows just how much he loves us.
GRANNY: Well put, young man.
MR. MIKE: Thank you for sharing the story of Jesus' ancestors with us today, Granny.
GRANNY: My pleasure. And remember, children: Eat your vegetables and read your Bible every day. Bye, dears. (exits)
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Vanity, Thy Name Is Ozzie
Scripture Reference: Ecclesiastes
A skit illustrating that life is empty without God.
Cast:
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
SQUIGGLY – Ozzie’s pet worm (all of Squiggly’s lines are “said” with a kazoo)
MAX – Ozzie’s boisterous pal
THE PUPPETEER – the one who brings life to the puppets
(The scene opens with OZZIE lying on stage motionless when MAX enters.)
MAX: Good morning, Ozzie. How are you doing?
OZZIE:
MAX: Yeah, I have days like that too, where I don’t feel much like talking. That’s why I start my day off with a coffee IV.
OZZIE:
MAX: You look lower than a bow legged caterpillar.Lemme tell you a joke to cheer you up. How does that sound?
OZZIE:
MAX: Great! You know how to make a tissue dance? (pause) Blow a little boogie into it. (laughs at his own joke)
OZZIE:
MAX: No. How about this one: What did Obi-Wan say to Luke Skywalker at dinner? (pause) May the forks be with you. (laughs at his own joke)
OZZIE:
MAX: Hmmm. I know, I know. Why did the chicken cross the playground? (pause) To get to the other slide. (laughs at his own joke)
OZZIE:
MAX: Hey, this is my best stuff, and you’re being quieter than a mouse sleeping in cotton. It’s time to bring out the big guns. Knock, knock.
OZZIE:
MAX: I said, “Knock, knock.”
OZZIE:
MAX: I said… (walks over and shakes OZZIE knocking him to the ground) Uh oh! (stares at ground in shock)
SQUIGGLY: (enters) Yoohoo!
MAX: Oh. Hey, Squiggly. (glancing at OZZIE) What’s wrong with Ozzie?
SQUIGGLY: (gives a long unintelligible answer; MAX peppers in Yeah’s and Uh-huh’s like he understands)
MAX: What in the name of Charlie McCarthy was he thinking. How does Ozzie think he could do anything without the puppeteer?
SQUIGGLY: (speaks)
MAX: That’s right. He’s just a lifeless lump of fabric without the hand of the puppeteer.
SQUIGGLY: Uh-huh.
MAX: I’m sure the puppeteer would be happy to give Ozzie another chance. Would you take Ozzie to him?
SQUIGGLY: OK
(SQUIGGLY exits)
SQUIGGLY: (speaks offstage)
PUPPETEER: (offstage) Of course, I would, but it’s really up to Ozzie. Ozzie, do want my life in you?
OZZIE: (offstage) Yes, sir. (after a beat, OZZIE enters full of life and with a paroxysm) That’s much better!
MAX: Glad to see you back to your old self, Ozzie.
OZZIE: Me too, Max.
MAX: I hope you’ve learned your lesson.
OZZIE: And how! I was such a silly little monster. I know now that I need the hand of the puppeteer to give me life.
MAX: And you’re very blessed that he was willing to give you a second chance.
OZZIE: Yeah, he’s a swell guy that way. There’s just one thing I want to know. Whose hand gives life to the puppeteer?
MAX: That’s the silliest thing you’ve ever… (then realizes that it’s a good question) You know, that’s a very good question, Ozzie.
OZZIE: Of course it is. How?
MAX: We need the puppeteer's hand to bring us life; puppeteers need God's hand to bring them life.
OZZIE: Otherwise they're just lifeless lumps of fabric?
MAX: Something like that. Their sin takes away their life. When they become Christians, they are filled with God's life.
OZZIE: That's sweet!
MAX: Sweeter than my mama’s banana cream pie. Now that you’re back to yourself, lemme tell you that knock- knock joke.
OZZIE: (frantic) Oh snap! I may have been better off as lifeless lump of fabric! (runs of screaming)
MAX: Ozzie! (chases after OZZIE) Knock, knock! Knock, knock!
A skit illustrating that life is empty without God.
Cast:
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
SQUIGGLY – Ozzie’s pet worm (all of Squiggly’s lines are “said” with a kazoo)
MAX – Ozzie’s boisterous pal
THE PUPPETEER – the one who brings life to the puppets
(The scene opens with OZZIE lying on stage motionless when MAX enters.)
MAX: Good morning, Ozzie. How are you doing?
OZZIE:
MAX: Yeah, I have days like that too, where I don’t feel much like talking. That’s why I start my day off with a coffee IV.
OZZIE:
MAX: You look lower than a bow legged caterpillar.Lemme tell you a joke to cheer you up. How does that sound?
OZZIE:
MAX: Great! You know how to make a tissue dance? (pause) Blow a little boogie into it. (laughs at his own joke)
OZZIE:
MAX: No. How about this one: What did Obi-Wan say to Luke Skywalker at dinner? (pause) May the forks be with you. (laughs at his own joke)
OZZIE:
MAX: Hmmm. I know, I know. Why did the chicken cross the playground? (pause) To get to the other slide. (laughs at his own joke)
OZZIE:
MAX: Hey, this is my best stuff, and you’re being quieter than a mouse sleeping in cotton. It’s time to bring out the big guns. Knock, knock.
OZZIE:
MAX: I said, “Knock, knock.”
OZZIE:
MAX: I said… (walks over and shakes OZZIE knocking him to the ground) Uh oh! (stares at ground in shock)
SQUIGGLY: (enters) Yoohoo!
MAX: Oh. Hey, Squiggly. (glancing at OZZIE) What’s wrong with Ozzie?
SQUIGGLY: (gives a long unintelligible answer; MAX peppers in Yeah’s and Uh-huh’s like he understands)
MAX: What in the name of Charlie McCarthy was he thinking. How does Ozzie think he could do anything without the puppeteer?
SQUIGGLY: (speaks)
MAX: That’s right. He’s just a lifeless lump of fabric without the hand of the puppeteer.
SQUIGGLY: Uh-huh.
MAX: I’m sure the puppeteer would be happy to give Ozzie another chance. Would you take Ozzie to him?
SQUIGGLY: OK
(SQUIGGLY exits)
SQUIGGLY: (speaks offstage)
PUPPETEER: (offstage) Of course, I would, but it’s really up to Ozzie. Ozzie, do want my life in you?
OZZIE: (offstage) Yes, sir. (after a beat, OZZIE enters full of life and with a paroxysm) That’s much better!
MAX: Glad to see you back to your old self, Ozzie.
OZZIE: Me too, Max.
MAX: I hope you’ve learned your lesson.
OZZIE: And how! I was such a silly little monster. I know now that I need the hand of the puppeteer to give me life.
MAX: And you’re very blessed that he was willing to give you a second chance.
OZZIE: Yeah, he’s a swell guy that way. There’s just one thing I want to know. Whose hand gives life to the puppeteer?
MAX: That’s the silliest thing you’ve ever… (then realizes that it’s a good question) You know, that’s a very good question, Ozzie.
OZZIE: Of course it is. How?
MAX: We need the puppeteer's hand to bring us life; puppeteers need God's hand to bring them life.
OZZIE: Otherwise they're just lifeless lumps of fabric?
MAX: Something like that. Their sin takes away their life. When they become Christians, they are filled with God's life.
OZZIE: That's sweet!
MAX: Sweeter than my mama’s banana cream pie. Now that you’re back to yourself, lemme tell you that knock- knock joke.
OZZIE: (frantic) Oh snap! I may have been better off as lifeless lump of fabric! (runs of screaming)
MAX: Ozzie! (chases after OZZIE) Knock, knock! Knock, knock!
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
You Fool!
Scripture Reference: Exodus 20:13, Matthew 5:21-22A lesson about the commandment not to kill.
Cast:
DILLY – a southern fried chicken who doesn’t always get things straight
MR. MIKE – the teacher who sets her straight
(MR. MIKE starts on stage.)
DILLY: (enters yelling to someone offstage) You foolish, foolish rooster! I cain't believe you carry on so! Good bye, sir!
MR. MIKE: Dilly! Who are you talking to like that?
DILLY: That fool of a little bantam rooster. He's about as sharp as a sack of wet mice, bless his heart.
MR. MIKE: That's not very nice.
DILLY: I'm sure his mamma loves him, but I'm just saying... Anyway, I didn't come here today to talk about that scoundrel. I understand you are teaching these young chicks about the 10 Commandments. Being the righteous and virtuous chicken I am, I thought I would offer my assistance.
MR. MIKE: I think we have it under control. Today we are talking about "You shall not murder."
DILLY: Well, I'm not sure I'd have much to offer on that anyway – having, of course, never murdered anyone. I don't even like stepping on ants. I do declare that I am quite innocent of this one.
MR. MIKE: Actually, Jesus said anyone who is angry with his (or her) brother is subject to judgement, and anyone who says "You fool!" will be answerable to God.
DILLY: You're joshing me.
MR. MIKE: Cross my heart. Jesus says you are just as guilty before God as a murderer if you call someone a fool.
DILLY: That don't rightly seem fair. Killing someone is much worse.
MR. MIKE: In one sense, that's true. No one is going to prison for name calling. But God cannot tolerate any sin, whether it's murder or calling someone a fool. All sin makes you guilty.
DILLY: Well, tie me to a pig and roll me in the mud. I've never heard such a thing.
MR. MIKE: The Pharisees thought they were more righteous, because they kept the commandments. Do you know anyone like that, Dilly?
DILLY: (whisper) You mean Flora?
MR. MIKE: (whisper) No! (normal voice) Jesus was teaching them – and you – that no one is righteous because of the Law. We are only counted as righteous by having faith in God.
DILLY: Don't that just sauté my gizzard. And there are so many that I've call a fool. I must go at once and make amends. Who to go to first? (running back & forth) That little bantam rooster... No, the cow... No, the pig... No, Mr. Mike... No, Flora... (exits quickly)
MR. MIKE: (stares at stage surprised at Dilly’s sudden departure)
DILLY: (reappears) I almost forgot – bye, y’all! (exits)
Monday, November 7, 2011
Sabbath and the Rest
Scripture Reference: Exodus 20:8-11
A lesson on keeping the Sabbath.
Cast:
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
MISS REBECCA – the teacher who sets him straight
(MISS REBECCA starts on stage.)
MISS REBECCA: (pauses after prayer; looks at watch) Ozzie should be here. I wonder where he is?
OZZIE: (from backstage) Yeah, pick me up from church... It's behind The Wall... Not a brick wall, silly. The Wall Chinese restaurant... OK, see you at noon. Bye.(enters and looks around) Why's everyone staring at me? Do I have something in my fur? This stuff attracts everything. The other day I found a slice of pizza in my fur.
MISS REBECCA: That's gross.
OZZIE: Actually, it was yummy. So why is everyone staring at me?
MISS REBECCA: We were just waiting on you. Sounds like you have big plans after church.
OZZIE: I got big plans all day.
MISS REBECCA: Oh, really? Like what?
OZZIE: Well, after church I got soccer practice. My friend Ernie's mom is going to take us.
MISS REBECCA: What else?
OZZIE: Then my folks are going to take Izzie and me to a movie.
MISS REBECCA: That sounds like fun. What are you going to see?
OZZIE: We're going to see Being Elmo. Ozzie like Elmo.
MISS REBECCA: Who doesn't?
OZZIE: Then I have play practice at school.
MISS REBECCA: Oh. What play are you doing?
OZZIE: Pinocchio.
MISS REBECCA: Who are you playing? Jiminy Cricket?
OZZIE: You're just saying that because I'm green.
MISS REBECCA: Well, I...
OZZIE: That's very colorist of you.
MISS REBECCA: Sorry, I shouldn't have made assumptions. Who are you playing?
OZZIE: Jiminy Cricket.
MISS REBECCA: But, I... Never mind. Is that all?
OZZIE: Oh, no! Then I'm going over to Bert's house to play video games. He thinks he can beat me at Monster Trucks.
MISS REBECCA: But he can't?
OZZIE: Of course not. I'm a monster!
MISS REBECCA: Makes sense. Anything else?
OZZIE: Yeah, then I gotta soccer game.
MISS REBECCA: I thought you already had soccer.
OZZIE: That was practice. This is a game. We're playing the Palmer Polecats.
MISS REBECCA: Are they any good?
OZZIE: They stink! (pauses for laughter from the kids) Cause a polecat is a skunk, and skunks stink. Get it? It's a joke. (pauses for laugh) Anyway – then I go home and do my homework & go to bed.
MISS REBECCA: That's awfully late to start homework. Why didn't you do it yesterday?
OZZIE: I was too busy.
MISS REBECCA: Too busy? Today seems too busy.
OZZIE: Yeah, I got a lot going on. I almost didn't make it to church.
MISS REBECCA: Well, that wouldn't have been good. Have you ever heard of Sabbath Rest?
OZZIE: Is that when my mom and dad take a nap on Sunday afternoon?
MISS REBECCA: No. It has to do with the fourth Commandment, which says to remember the Sabbath and keep it holy. That means setting aside one day of the week as different, where we focus on things of God and not of this world.
OZZIE: So my folks shouldn't take a nap?
MISS REBECCA: A nap is fine. In fact, I am a strong advocate of naps. It means you shouldn't push God out. You should focus on Him everyday, but more so on Sunday.
OZZIE: I see what you mean. I'm so busy, I have no time for God. I'll see about clearing my schedule for next Sunday.
MISS REBECCA: That would be great.
DILLY: (offstage) Ozzie, honey.
OZZIE: Just a second. (leans down to hear whisper then returns) Oh that’s right. I’ll have to start in two weeks.
MISS REBECCA: Why do you have to wait?
OZZIE: I forgot I have to help Dilly clean her house.
MISS REBECCA: Can’t she do it without you?
OZZIE: No, she says I’m the best dust mop she’s ever used. (exits)
MISS REBECCA: Ozzie!
A lesson on keeping the Sabbath.
Cast:
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
MISS REBECCA – the teacher who sets him straight
(MISS REBECCA starts on stage.)
MISS REBECCA: (pauses after prayer; looks at watch) Ozzie should be here. I wonder where he is?
OZZIE: (from backstage) Yeah, pick me up from church... It's behind The Wall... Not a brick wall, silly. The Wall Chinese restaurant... OK, see you at noon. Bye.(enters and looks around) Why's everyone staring at me? Do I have something in my fur? This stuff attracts everything. The other day I found a slice of pizza in my fur.
MISS REBECCA: That's gross.
OZZIE: Actually, it was yummy. So why is everyone staring at me?
MISS REBECCA: We were just waiting on you. Sounds like you have big plans after church.
OZZIE: I got big plans all day.
MISS REBECCA: Oh, really? Like what?
OZZIE: Well, after church I got soccer practice. My friend Ernie's mom is going to take us.
MISS REBECCA: What else?
OZZIE: Then my folks are going to take Izzie and me to a movie.
MISS REBECCA: That sounds like fun. What are you going to see?
OZZIE: We're going to see Being Elmo. Ozzie like Elmo.
MISS REBECCA: Who doesn't?
OZZIE: Then I have play practice at school.
MISS REBECCA: Oh. What play are you doing?
OZZIE: Pinocchio.
MISS REBECCA: Who are you playing? Jiminy Cricket?
OZZIE: You're just saying that because I'm green.
MISS REBECCA: Well, I...
OZZIE: That's very colorist of you.
MISS REBECCA: Sorry, I shouldn't have made assumptions. Who are you playing?
OZZIE: Jiminy Cricket.
MISS REBECCA: But, I... Never mind. Is that all?
OZZIE: Oh, no! Then I'm going over to Bert's house to play video games. He thinks he can beat me at Monster Trucks.
MISS REBECCA: But he can't?
OZZIE: Of course not. I'm a monster!
MISS REBECCA: Makes sense. Anything else?
OZZIE: Yeah, then I gotta soccer game.
MISS REBECCA: I thought you already had soccer.
OZZIE: That was practice. This is a game. We're playing the Palmer Polecats.
MISS REBECCA: Are they any good?
OZZIE: They stink! (pauses for laughter from the kids) Cause a polecat is a skunk, and skunks stink. Get it? It's a joke. (pauses for laugh) Anyway – then I go home and do my homework & go to bed.
MISS REBECCA: That's awfully late to start homework. Why didn't you do it yesterday?
OZZIE: I was too busy.
MISS REBECCA: Too busy? Today seems too busy.
OZZIE: Yeah, I got a lot going on. I almost didn't make it to church.
MISS REBECCA: Well, that wouldn't have been good. Have you ever heard of Sabbath Rest?
OZZIE: Is that when my mom and dad take a nap on Sunday afternoon?
MISS REBECCA: No. It has to do with the fourth Commandment, which says to remember the Sabbath and keep it holy. That means setting aside one day of the week as different, where we focus on things of God and not of this world.
OZZIE: So my folks shouldn't take a nap?
MISS REBECCA: A nap is fine. In fact, I am a strong advocate of naps. It means you shouldn't push God out. You should focus on Him everyday, but more so on Sunday.
OZZIE: I see what you mean. I'm so busy, I have no time for God. I'll see about clearing my schedule for next Sunday.
MISS REBECCA: That would be great.
DILLY: (offstage) Ozzie, honey.
OZZIE: Just a second. (leans down to hear whisper then returns) Oh that’s right. I’ll have to start in two weeks.
MISS REBECCA: Why do you have to wait?
OZZIE: I forgot I have to help Dilly clean her house.
MISS REBECCA: Can’t she do it without you?
OZZIE: No, she says I’m the best dust mop she’s ever used. (exits)
MISS REBECCA: Ozzie!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Compelling Like Hotcakes
(Let me first offer a little backgroup on this. On Sunday, October 23, we had a special family service at our church. It involved a pancake breakfast before the service and the kids helping to lead praise. The Mr. Jeff referred to in the skit is me, and Miss Kelli is my wife.)Cast:
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
MISS KELLI – the praise leader who sets him straight
(OZZIE is on stage with the praise band and kids singing Every Move I Make. When the song ends, OZZIE continues.)
OZZIE: Na na na na… (Slowly ends as he realized no one else is singing.) Well, that’s embarrassing.
MISS KELLI: Don’t be embarrassed, Ozzie. You should hear some of my mistakes. I’m just glad to hear you make a joyful noise.
OZZIE: That’s nothing, Miss Kelli. If you really want to hear noisy, you should hear Mr. Jeff.
MISS KELLI: What do you mean?
OZZIE: He can’t carry a tune in a paper sack.
MISS KELLI: That’s not nice, and you can’t tell me that you just came here to pick on Mr. Jeff.
OZZIE: I can’t?
MISS KELLI: No.
OZZIE: I guess that's just a bonus then.
MISS KELLI: Well, then what brought you here this morning?
OZZIE: My mom’s car.
MISS KELLI: Very funny, Ozzie. Why did you come here this morning?
OZZIE: Oh! The pancakes.
MISS KELLI: You can’t tell me the only reason you came this morning was the pancakes.
OZZIE: I can’t?
MISS KELLI: No. What about the kids singing?
OZZIE: That was sweet!
MISS KELLI: What about the other people?
OZZIE: I see ‘em. What about ‘em?
MISS KELLI: Well, did any of them greet you at the door this morning?
OZZIE: Yeah! Mr. Mike gave me a hug. Hi, Mr. Mike!
MISS KELLI: Did you meet Pastor John?
OZZIE: He’s really nice, and I’m sure his message today will be inspiring.
MISS KELLI: I’m sure it will be, too.
OZZIE: And he’s really tall.
MISS KELLI: He is tall.
OZZIE: I had to get my mountain climbing gear just to look him in the eyes.
MISS KELLI: Oh really?
OZZIE: I only made it part way up before I had to setup base camp.
MISS KELLI: How does that have anything to do with him being a good preacher?
OZZIE: I guess ‘cause his head is closer to heaven.
MISS KELLI: I don't know about that. Do you know anyone else here?
OZZIE: I know Mr. Jeff.
MISS KELLI: I already knew that. You help in children’s’ church.
OZZIE: He’s swell. (after each compliment, OZZIE gets slipped a dollar)
MISS KELLI: Yeah, but…
OZZIE: Handsome.
MISS KELLI: OK.
OZZIE: Talented.
MISS KELLI: Ozzie.
OZZIE: Funny.
MISS KELLI: Ozzie!
OZZIE: A great puppeteer.
MISS KELLI: OZZIE!
OZZIE: Yes. (drops money)
MISS KELLI: Just tell me what Mr. Jeff wants you to say?
OZZIE: He says you're one hot mama.
MISS KELLI: Tell Mr. Jeff he could have picked a better time to tell me that. Anything else?
OZZIE: (leans down then turns to MISS KELLI) Nopers.
MISS KELLI: You can’t tell me the only reason you're here this morning is pancakes.
OZZIE: I can’t?
MISS KELLI: Ozzie, there are lots of non-pancake reason to be here this morning. You get to spend the morning with loving people, worship God, and hear the Word preached.
OZZIE: Well, there are certainly are lots of reasons to be here.
MISS KELLI: So if someone else were to ask you why you came here this morning are you still going to say pancakes?
OZZIE: No, ma’am. Besides, pancakes are special just for this morning.
MISS KELLI: That’s right.
OZZIE: There’s something that’s here week after week that really brings me back.
MISS KELLI: Finally, you get it. What is it?
OZZIE: The doughnuts. (exits)
MISS KELLI: Ozzie!
Monday, October 24, 2011
My Splendid Vacation
Scripture Reference: Joshua 1, 3-4; Psalm 145:4-7
A lesson about memorials.
Cast:
DILLY – a southern fried chicken who doesn’t always get things straight
PASTOR JOHN – the preacher who sets her straight
Props:
Sombrero, maracas
(PASTOR JOHN is on stage talking when DILLY enters singing.)
DILLY: ¡La cucaracha, la cucaracha, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!
PASTOR JOHN: Oh. Hi, Dilly.
DILLY: (with a bad accent) Hola, Pastoro John.
PASTOR JOHN: Looks like you're in a good mood this morning.
DILLY: Why I'm finer than frog hair.
PASTOR JOHN: I like the maracas.
DILLY: Gracias. I got these darling things on my vacation to Mehico.
PASTOR JOHN: And the sombrero is very festive.
DILLY: I do declare, you sweet talkin' thing. Are you flirtin' with me, sir?
PASTOR JOHN: What? No, I...
DILLY: You are one tall drink of water.
PASTOR JOHN: Thanks, but I...
DILLY: And as handsome as a TV anchor man.
PASTOR JOHN: Thinks – I guess – but really...
DILLY: But I don't think it'll work out.
PASTOR JOHN: Huh?
DILLY: I know I am an FDA-approved, grade A chick, but you've got to forget about me.
PASTOR JOHN: But I never...
DILLY: My daddy would never approve of a mixed marriage.
PASTOR JOHN: I don't think...
DILLY: Let's speak of our forbidden love no more.
PASTOR JOHN: That'll suit me just fine.
DILLY: (dramatic pause) You were saying.
PASTOR JOHN: (snapping out of it) Oh, yeah. You got those on your vacation in Mexico?
DILLY: Si. I wanted something to help me remember my splendid vacation.
PASTOR JOHN: So it was a good vacation?
DILLY: It was the kind of vacation that'll knock your socks clean off and into the washer.
PASTOR JOHN: Wow! That must have been some trip. Where in Mexico did you go?
DILLY: I don't rightly recall. I reckon it has some Spanish name. But we had the most splendid time. ¡La cucaracha, la cucaracha!
PASTOR JOHN: Did you try any yummy food while you were there?
DILLY: I don't rightly recall, but I'm certain we did. I think it was some sort of foreign food. But we had the most splendid time. ¡La cucaracha, la cucaracha!
PASTOR JOHN: What did you do while you were there?
DILLY: Well...
TOGETHER: I don't rightly recall.
DILLY: But we had...
TOGETHER: the most splendid time.
DILLY: How in the name of Col. Sanders did you know I was going to say that?
PASTOR JOHN: Because you can't seem to remember much about your "splendid vacation."
DILLY: But I have this adorable sombrero and maracas.
PASTOR JOHN: Those are the things you bought to help you remember your vacation. If you don't actually remember your vacation, they are just a hat and a couple of rattles.
DILLY: Well, don't that just pepper my gumbo. You are right, sir. (getting excited) I spent all that money on a vacation, and I don't recall it. That could depress a hyena. I must go directly to my friend Flora and have her tell me about our vacation. Flora! Flora! (exits quickly)
PASTOR JOHN: (stares at stage surprised at Dilly’s sudden departure)
DILLY: (reappears) I almost forgot – bye, y’all! (exits)
A lesson about memorials.
Cast:DILLY – a southern fried chicken who doesn’t always get things straight
PASTOR JOHN – the preacher who sets her straight
Props:
Sombrero, maracas
(PASTOR JOHN is on stage talking when DILLY enters singing.)
DILLY: ¡La cucaracha, la cucaracha, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!
PASTOR JOHN: Oh. Hi, Dilly.
DILLY: (with a bad accent) Hola, Pastoro John.
PASTOR JOHN: Looks like you're in a good mood this morning.
DILLY: Why I'm finer than frog hair.
PASTOR JOHN: I like the maracas.
DILLY: Gracias. I got these darling things on my vacation to Mehico.
PASTOR JOHN: And the sombrero is very festive.
DILLY: I do declare, you sweet talkin' thing. Are you flirtin' with me, sir?
PASTOR JOHN: What? No, I...
DILLY: You are one tall drink of water.
PASTOR JOHN: Thanks, but I...
DILLY: And as handsome as a TV anchor man.
PASTOR JOHN: Thinks – I guess – but really...
DILLY: But I don't think it'll work out.
PASTOR JOHN: Huh?
DILLY: I know I am an FDA-approved, grade A chick, but you've got to forget about me.
PASTOR JOHN: But I never...
DILLY: My daddy would never approve of a mixed marriage.
PASTOR JOHN: I don't think...
DILLY: Let's speak of our forbidden love no more.
PASTOR JOHN: That'll suit me just fine.
DILLY: (dramatic pause) You were saying.
PASTOR JOHN: (snapping out of it) Oh, yeah. You got those on your vacation in Mexico?
DILLY: Si. I wanted something to help me remember my splendid vacation.
PASTOR JOHN: So it was a good vacation?
DILLY: It was the kind of vacation that'll knock your socks clean off and into the washer.
PASTOR JOHN: Wow! That must have been some trip. Where in Mexico did you go?
DILLY: I don't rightly recall. I reckon it has some Spanish name. But we had the most splendid time. ¡La cucaracha, la cucaracha!
PASTOR JOHN: Did you try any yummy food while you were there?
DILLY: I don't rightly recall, but I'm certain we did. I think it was some sort of foreign food. But we had the most splendid time. ¡La cucaracha, la cucaracha!
PASTOR JOHN: What did you do while you were there?
DILLY: Well...
TOGETHER: I don't rightly recall.
DILLY: But we had...
TOGETHER: the most splendid time.
DILLY: How in the name of Col. Sanders did you know I was going to say that?
PASTOR JOHN: Because you can't seem to remember much about your "splendid vacation."
DILLY: But I have this adorable sombrero and maracas.
PASTOR JOHN: Those are the things you bought to help you remember your vacation. If you don't actually remember your vacation, they are just a hat and a couple of rattles.
DILLY: Well, don't that just pepper my gumbo. You are right, sir. (getting excited) I spent all that money on a vacation, and I don't recall it. That could depress a hyena. I must go directly to my friend Flora and have her tell me about our vacation. Flora! Flora! (exits quickly)
PASTOR JOHN: (stares at stage surprised at Dilly’s sudden departure)
DILLY: (reappears) I almost forgot – bye, y’all! (exits)
Monday, October 10, 2011
Vanity, Thy Name Is Ozzie
Scripture Reference: Ecclesiastes
A skit illustrating that life is empty without God.
Cast:
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
SQUIGGLY – Ozzie’s pet worm (all of Squiggly’s lines are “said” with a kazoo)
MR. MATT – the teacher who sets him straight
THE PUPPETEER – the one who brings life to the puppets
Props:
None
(As MR. MATT ends prayer time, OZZIE is lying on stage motionless.)
MR. MATT: Good morning, Ozzie. How are you doing?
OZZIE:
MR. MATT: Ozzie?
OZZIE:
MR. MATT: Ozzie!
OZZIE:
MR. MATT: Are you OK, Ozzie?
OZZIE:
MR. MATT: (walks over and shakes OZZIE knocking him to the ground) What in the…? (stares at ground in shock)
SQUIGGLY: (enters) Yoohoo!
MR. MATT: Oh. Hey, Squiggly. (glancing at OZZIE) What’s wrong with Ozzie?
SQUIGGLY: (gives a long unintelligible answer; MR. MATT peppers in Yeah’s and Uh-huh’s like he understands)
MR. MATT: Why in the world would Ozzie think he could do anything without the puppeteer?
SQUIGGLY: I don’t know.
MR. MATT: He’s a puppet. He should know he has no life without the puppeteer.
SQUIGGLY: (speaks)
MR. MATT: That’s right. He’s just a lump of fabric without the hand of the puppeteer.
SQUIGGLY: Uh-huh.
MR. MATT: I’m sure the puppeteer would be happy to give Ozzie another chance. Would you take Ozzie to him?
SQUIGGLY: OK
(MR. MATT picks up OZZIE and passes him into the puppet stage; SQUIGGLY exits)
SQUIGGLY: (speaks offstage)
PUPPETEER: (offstage) Of course, I would, but it’s really up to Ozzie. Ozzie, do want my life in you?
OZZIE: (offstage) Yes, sir. (after a beat, OZZIE enters full of life and with a paroxysm) That’s much better!
MR. MATT: Glad to see you back to your old self, Ozzie.
OZZIE: Me too, Mr. Matt.
MR. MATT: I hope you’ve learned your lesson.
OZZIE: And how! I was such a silly little monster. I know now that I need the hand of the puppeteer to give me life.
MR. MATT: And you’re very blessed that he was willing to give you a second chance.
OZZIE: Yeah, he’s a swell guy that way. There’s just one thing I want to know. Whose hand gives life to the puppeteer?
MR. MATT: (gets ready to say “Ozzie!” then realizes that it’s a good question) You know, that’s a very good question, Ozzie.
OZZIE: Of course it is. Adios!
MR. MATT: Bye, Ozzie.
A skit illustrating that life is empty without God.
Cast:
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
SQUIGGLY – Ozzie’s pet worm (all of Squiggly’s lines are “said” with a kazoo)
MR. MATT – the teacher who sets him straight
THE PUPPETEER – the one who brings life to the puppets
Props:
None
(As MR. MATT ends prayer time, OZZIE is lying on stage motionless.)
MR. MATT: Good morning, Ozzie. How are you doing?
OZZIE:
MR. MATT: Ozzie?
OZZIE:
MR. MATT: Ozzie!
OZZIE:
MR. MATT: Are you OK, Ozzie?
OZZIE:
MR. MATT: (walks over and shakes OZZIE knocking him to the ground) What in the…? (stares at ground in shock)
SQUIGGLY: (enters) Yoohoo!
MR. MATT: Oh. Hey, Squiggly. (glancing at OZZIE) What’s wrong with Ozzie?
SQUIGGLY: (gives a long unintelligible answer; MR. MATT peppers in Yeah’s and Uh-huh’s like he understands)
MR. MATT: Why in the world would Ozzie think he could do anything without the puppeteer?
SQUIGGLY: I don’t know.
MR. MATT: He’s a puppet. He should know he has no life without the puppeteer.
SQUIGGLY: (speaks)
MR. MATT: That’s right. He’s just a lump of fabric without the hand of the puppeteer.
SQUIGGLY: Uh-huh.
MR. MATT: I’m sure the puppeteer would be happy to give Ozzie another chance. Would you take Ozzie to him?
SQUIGGLY: OK
(MR. MATT picks up OZZIE and passes him into the puppet stage; SQUIGGLY exits)
SQUIGGLY: (speaks offstage)
PUPPETEER: (offstage) Of course, I would, but it’s really up to Ozzie. Ozzie, do want my life in you?
OZZIE: (offstage) Yes, sir. (after a beat, OZZIE enters full of life and with a paroxysm) That’s much better!
MR. MATT: Glad to see you back to your old self, Ozzie.
OZZIE: Me too, Mr. Matt.
MR. MATT: I hope you’ve learned your lesson.
OZZIE: And how! I was such a silly little monster. I know now that I need the hand of the puppeteer to give me life.
MR. MATT: And you’re very blessed that he was willing to give you a second chance.
OZZIE: Yeah, he’s a swell guy that way. There’s just one thing I want to know. Whose hand gives life to the puppeteer?
MR. MATT: (gets ready to say “Ozzie!” then realizes that it’s a good question) You know, that’s a very good question, Ozzie.
OZZIE: Of course it is. Adios!
MR. MATT: Bye, Ozzie.
Monday, October 3, 2011
The LORD Is My Shepherd
Scripture Reference: Psalm 23
A skit showing the importance of the LORD being your shepherd.
Cast:
SHEEP – like King David, knows that the LORD is his shepherd
GOAT – tries to be the shepherd of his own life
(The SHEEP and the GOAT are standing next to each other facing the audience.)
SHEEP: The LORD is my shepherd.
GOAT: I’m in charge of my own life. I don't need a boss, I don't need a leader, and I sure don't need a shepherd. What do I look like, a sheep?
SHEEP: I shall not be in want.
GOAT: Life is hard. I have to work for everything I’ve got.
SHEEP: He makes me lie down in green pastures.
GOAT: My mom makes me mow our green pastures.
SHEEP: He leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.
GOAT: Life is crazy. Get up early, go to school, do my chores, do my homework, play video games, and no time for me. I need a vacation.
SHEEP: He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
GOAT: I go my own way for my own sake.
SHEEP: Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.
GOAT: (overly-confident) And let me tell you, going it alone… (far less confident) can be pretty scary.
SHEEP: Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
GOAT: I have a nightlight and my teddy bear, but they don’t always bring be comfort.
SHEEP: You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
GOAT: I prepare to run in the presence of my enemies. Run really fast.
SHEEP: You anoint my head with oil.
GOAT: I don’t wash my hair, so my head is already full of oil. I’m a rebel.
SHEEP: My cup overflows.
GOAT: My cup overflows, but my mom makes me mop it up.
SHEEP: Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.
GOAT: I don’t know who Shirley Goodness or this Mercy person is, but I don’t want anyone following me.
SHEEP: And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
GOAT: You know, I think I’d rather live with you. So who’s this shepherd guy you keep talking about?
(The SHEEP and the GOAT walk off quietly talking to each other.)
A skit showing the importance of the LORD being your shepherd.
Cast:
SHEEP – like King David, knows that the LORD is his shepherd
GOAT – tries to be the shepherd of his own life
(The SHEEP and the GOAT are standing next to each other facing the audience.)
SHEEP: The LORD is my shepherd.
GOAT: I’m in charge of my own life. I don't need a boss, I don't need a leader, and I sure don't need a shepherd. What do I look like, a sheep?
SHEEP: I shall not be in want.
GOAT: Life is hard. I have to work for everything I’ve got.
SHEEP: He makes me lie down in green pastures.
GOAT: My mom makes me mow our green pastures.
SHEEP: He leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.
GOAT: Life is crazy. Get up early, go to school, do my chores, do my homework, play video games, and no time for me. I need a vacation.
SHEEP: He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
GOAT: I go my own way for my own sake.
SHEEP: Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.
GOAT: (overly-confident) And let me tell you, going it alone… (far less confident) can be pretty scary.
SHEEP: Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
GOAT: I have a nightlight and my teddy bear, but they don’t always bring be comfort.
SHEEP: You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
GOAT: I prepare to run in the presence of my enemies. Run really fast.
SHEEP: You anoint my head with oil.
GOAT: I don’t wash my hair, so my head is already full of oil. I’m a rebel.
SHEEP: My cup overflows.
GOAT: My cup overflows, but my mom makes me mop it up.
SHEEP: Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.
GOAT: I don’t know who Shirley Goodness or this Mercy person is, but I don’t want anyone following me.
SHEEP: And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
GOAT: You know, I think I’d rather live with you. So who’s this shepherd guy you keep talking about?
(The SHEEP and the GOAT walk off quietly talking to each other.)
Monday, September 19, 2011
Adam's Nostrils (Puppet Version)
Scripture Reference: Proverbs 10:8
The Proverb is illustrated with auditions to the air band Adam's Nostrils.
The Proverb is illustrated with auditions to the air band Adam's Nostrils.
Note: I've done this skit before with two kids posing as the chattering fools. A new class and new circumstances meant reworking this skit with a puppet.
Cast:
MISS REBECCA – teacher
OZZIE – chattering air guitar wannabe
3-4 kids – lead singer, drummer, etc.
1 kid – to replace the chattering wannabe
Props:
Rock-style song (I am using I'm a Believer by Cadet)
MISS REBECCA: Today, we are going to start an air band. For those who don't know what an air band is, an air band is a band that uses no real instruments. All of the instruments are made of air. For example the air guitar (pantomimes playing guitar) or air drums (pantomimes playing drums). The band is going to be called "Adam's Nostrils." You know like how God breathed air into Adam's nostrils? (Pauses to see if anyone gets it then gives up.) Anyway…
I need some volunteers to audition for Adam's Nostrils. I need a lead singer (pick a volunteer), a guitarist…
OZZIE: Oh! I’ve always wanted to play guitar. (strums air guitar)
MISS REBECCA: OK.
OZZIE: Sweet!
MISS REBECCA: We also need a bass player (pick a volunteer) and a drummer (pick a volunteer).
(During the instructions, OZZIE chatters to other band members.)
MISS REBECCA: Okay, here are the instructions: I am going to play I'm a Believer by Cadet. When the song starts, you (pointing to the singer/singers) lip-synch the song, and the rest of you pretend to play your instruments. You don't sing, and you don't make any noise.
(MISS REBECCA starts the music.)
OZZIE: (looking around for instruments) MISS REBECCA! MISS REBECCA!
MISS REBECCA: (pausing the music) What is it, Ozzie?
OZZIE: Where are the instruments?
MISS REBECCA: As I just explained, this is an air band, so you just pretend to play your instruments.
OZZIE: Oh. OK.
(MISS REBECCA starts the music. OZZIE starts making guitar sounds. MISS REBECCA pauses the music.)
MISS REBECCA: What are you doing now?
OZZIE: I'm playing guitar – and rather well, I might add.
MISS REBECCA: But you are suppose to doing it without making any noise. If you hadn’t been chattering you would have heard me explain that.
OZZIE: Sorry. I have it now.
(MISS REBECCA starts the music. As soon as the singing starts, OZZIE starts singing along. MISS REBECCA pauses the music.)
MISS REBECCA: (obviously very frustrated) What part of "You don't sing, and you don't make any noise" did you not understand?
OZZIE: But it's a good song. I think they sang it in Shrek? Did you ever see that movie, Miss Rebecca? Izzie loves Donkey, because she thinks he’s so funny. I like Puss-in-Boots better. How about you?
MISS REBECCA: Excuse me. If you could have followed instructions, you would have known what to do. Hand in your air guitar.
(MISS REBECCA takes air guitar from OZZIE. OZZIE collapse in despair.)
MISS REBECCA: Who wants to take his place? (Pick another volunteer.) You are now the guitarist. Remember: No singing! No noise!
(MISS REBECCA start the music one last time. The kids perform the song with no further incidents.)
OZZIE: Proverbs 10:8
The wise person accepts instructions,
but a chattering fool comes to ruin.
(collapses again)
MISS REBECCA: Let's give our new air band Adam's Nostrils a big hand! You guys did a great job!
Cast:
MISS REBECCA – teacher
OZZIE – chattering air guitar wannabe
3-4 kids – lead singer, drummer, etc.
1 kid – to replace the chattering wannabe
Props:
Rock-style song (I am using I'm a Believer by Cadet)
MISS REBECCA: Today, we are going to start an air band. For those who don't know what an air band is, an air band is a band that uses no real instruments. All of the instruments are made of air. For example the air guitar (pantomimes playing guitar) or air drums (pantomimes playing drums). The band is going to be called "Adam's Nostrils." You know like how God breathed air into Adam's nostrils? (Pauses to see if anyone gets it then gives up.) Anyway…
I need some volunteers to audition for Adam's Nostrils. I need a lead singer (pick a volunteer), a guitarist…
OZZIE: Oh! I’ve always wanted to play guitar. (strums air guitar)
MISS REBECCA: OK.
OZZIE: Sweet!
MISS REBECCA: We also need a bass player (pick a volunteer) and a drummer (pick a volunteer).
(During the instructions, OZZIE chatters to other band members.)
MISS REBECCA: Okay, here are the instructions: I am going to play I'm a Believer by Cadet. When the song starts, you (pointing to the singer/singers) lip-synch the song, and the rest of you pretend to play your instruments. You don't sing, and you don't make any noise.
(MISS REBECCA starts the music.)
OZZIE: (looking around for instruments) MISS REBECCA! MISS REBECCA!
MISS REBECCA: (pausing the music) What is it, Ozzie?
OZZIE: Where are the instruments?
MISS REBECCA: As I just explained, this is an air band, so you just pretend to play your instruments.
OZZIE: Oh. OK.
(MISS REBECCA starts the music. OZZIE starts making guitar sounds. MISS REBECCA pauses the music.)
MISS REBECCA: What are you doing now?
OZZIE: I'm playing guitar – and rather well, I might add.
MISS REBECCA: But you are suppose to doing it without making any noise. If you hadn’t been chattering you would have heard me explain that.
OZZIE: Sorry. I have it now.
(MISS REBECCA starts the music. As soon as the singing starts, OZZIE starts singing along. MISS REBECCA pauses the music.)
MISS REBECCA: (obviously very frustrated) What part of "You don't sing, and you don't make any noise" did you not understand?
OZZIE: But it's a good song. I think they sang it in Shrek? Did you ever see that movie, Miss Rebecca? Izzie loves Donkey, because she thinks he’s so funny. I like Puss-in-Boots better. How about you?
MISS REBECCA: Excuse me. If you could have followed instructions, you would have known what to do. Hand in your air guitar.
(MISS REBECCA takes air guitar from OZZIE. OZZIE collapse in despair.)
MISS REBECCA: Who wants to take his place? (Pick another volunteer.) You are now the guitarist. Remember: No singing! No noise!
(MISS REBECCA start the music one last time. The kids perform the song with no further incidents.)
OZZIE: Proverbs 10:8
The wise person accepts instructions,
but a chattering fool comes to ruin.
(collapses again)
MISS REBECCA: Let's give our new air band Adam's Nostrils a big hand! You guys did a great job!
Monday, September 12, 2011
A Heap O' Burning Coals
Scripture Reference: Proverbs 25:21-22, Romans 12:9-21, Matthew 5:43-48
A puppet skit showing we should return kindness for unkindness.
Cast:
D.B. – a good albeit not very bright bunny
DUDE – a bully lizard
Props:
candy
glass of water
(Opens with D.B. on stage.)
D.B.: (imitating Elvis) It's just a heap o', a heap o' burning coals.
DUDE: What is that terrible sound? Is there some poor animal that's been injured? Oh, it's D.B. singing. What are you doing, furball?
D.B.: I am practicing my memory verse, Dude. Proverbs 25:21-22: If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you.
DUDE: That is the second stupidest thing I've ever seen.
D.B.: What is the stupidest?
DUDE: You. (laughs hysterically)
D.B.: That was not very nice.
DUDE: Oh, I'm sorry. Hey, you know why a rabbit’s nose is always shiny?
D.B.: Why?
DUDE: Because its powder puff is on the wrong end! (laughs) Get it, furball? Your tail looks like a powder puff, so you can't powder your nose.
D.B.: I get it.
DUDE: Of course with you (looks D.B. up and down) it's hard to tell one end from the other. (laughs) Get it, furball? It's because you're so ugly that your face looks like your backside.
D.B.: Would you like a piece of candy, Dude?
DUDE: (confused) Sure, thanks. Hey, did you hear about the rabbit who got a job in a watch factory?
D.B.: No.
DUDE: All he did was stand around making faces. (laughs) Get it, furball? Watch faces. Oh, I see you're making faces, too. No, wait, that is your regular face. (laughs)
D.B.: Would you like a glass of water?
DUDE: (more confused) Okay, I guess so. Do you know what you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower?
D.B.: What?
DUDE: A hare dryer. (laughs) Get it, furball? Like a rabbit is a hare.
D.B.: That is clever.
DUDE: Okay, what gives? This is my best material, and you ain't even gettin' mad. Are you having a bad hare day? (laughs) Get it, furball?
D.B.: I get it. Go on.
DUDE: Hmmm. What do you call a rabbit that sits on someone's forehead? Unsightly facial hare! (laughs) Get it, furball? Cause rabbits are so ugly, no one would want one on his face.
D.B.: I do not imagine that they would.
DUDE: Why you bein' so nice? It's no fun if you don't get hopping mad. (laughs) Get it, furball? HOPPING mad.
D.B.: Would you like to play my new PlayStation, Dude?
DUDE: (screams and leaves quickly)
D.B.: (looks after Dude then looks at memory verse) Wow! It worked. I offered him food and water, and it was like heaping burning coals on his head. Hey, and the LORD even rewarded me – Dude left. (snickers)
(exits imitating Elvis) It's just a heap o', a heap o' burning coals.
A puppet skit showing we should return kindness for unkindness.
Cast:
D.B. – a good albeit not very bright bunny
DUDE – a bully lizard
Props:
candy
glass of water
(Opens with D.B. on stage.)
D.B.: (imitating Elvis) It's just a heap o', a heap o' burning coals.
DUDE: What is that terrible sound? Is there some poor animal that's been injured? Oh, it's D.B. singing. What are you doing, furball?
D.B.: I am practicing my memory verse, Dude. Proverbs 25:21-22: If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you.
DUDE: That is the second stupidest thing I've ever seen.
D.B.: What is the stupidest?
DUDE: You. (laughs hysterically)
D.B.: That was not very nice.
DUDE: Oh, I'm sorry. Hey, you know why a rabbit’s nose is always shiny?
D.B.: Why?
DUDE: Because its powder puff is on the wrong end! (laughs) Get it, furball? Your tail looks like a powder puff, so you can't powder your nose.
D.B.: I get it.
DUDE: Of course with you (looks D.B. up and down) it's hard to tell one end from the other. (laughs) Get it, furball? It's because you're so ugly that your face looks like your backside.
D.B.: Would you like a piece of candy, Dude?
DUDE: (confused) Sure, thanks. Hey, did you hear about the rabbit who got a job in a watch factory?
D.B.: No.
DUDE: All he did was stand around making faces. (laughs) Get it, furball? Watch faces. Oh, I see you're making faces, too. No, wait, that is your regular face. (laughs)
D.B.: Would you like a glass of water?
DUDE: (more confused) Okay, I guess so. Do you know what you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower?
D.B.: What?
DUDE: A hare dryer. (laughs) Get it, furball? Like a rabbit is a hare.
D.B.: That is clever.
DUDE: Okay, what gives? This is my best material, and you ain't even gettin' mad. Are you having a bad hare day? (laughs) Get it, furball?
D.B.: I get it. Go on.
DUDE: Hmmm. What do you call a rabbit that sits on someone's forehead? Unsightly facial hare! (laughs) Get it, furball? Cause rabbits are so ugly, no one would want one on his face.
D.B.: I do not imagine that they would.
DUDE: Why you bein' so nice? It's no fun if you don't get hopping mad. (laughs) Get it, furball? HOPPING mad.
D.B.: Would you like to play my new PlayStation, Dude?
DUDE: (screams and leaves quickly)
D.B.: (looks after Dude then looks at memory verse) Wow! It worked. I offered him food and water, and it was like heaping burning coals on his head. Hey, and the LORD even rewarded me – Dude left. (snickers)
(exits imitating Elvis) It's just a heap o', a heap o' burning coals.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
God Wins
Scripture Reference: Revelation
A lesson about the meaning of the book of Revelation.
Cast:
MR. WISEMAN – a boxing rabbi and preterist
SISTER SOPHIA – a boxing nun and futurist
MISS REBECCA – the teacher who introduces the experts
JESSIE – the student who sets them straight
(The scene opens with MISS REBECCA on stage.)
MISS REBECCA: Today, we come to the end of our study of the New Testament with a look at the book of Revelation. This book can be very hard to understand, so we have brought in two experts to discuss its meaning and significance. Please welcome Mr. Wiseman and Sister Sophia.
MR. WISEMAN: Thank you, Miss Rebecca, for having me here today, and it's always a pleasure to see you, Sophia.
SISTER SOPHIA: And it's always nice to see you. Good morning, boys & girls.
MISS REBECCA: Let's start with you, Mr. Wiseman. What can you tell us about the book of Revelation?
MR. WISEMAN: The Revelation of John describes events that took place in the first century and culminated in the destruction of Temple in AD 70.
SISTER SOPHIA: Mr. Wiseman, sometimes you're not such a wise man with your preterist piffle. Revelation is clearly depicting future events – perhaps even near-future events.
MR. WISEMAN: Sophie, Sophie. You and your futurist folderol. How can you say these are future events? In the Olivet Discourse, Jesus said "this generation shall not pass till all these things be fulfilled." The Temple was destroyed within a 40-year generation. (punches SOPHIA)
SISTER SOPHIA: Really? Revelation describes an apocalypse complete with earthquakes, rivers turning to blood, everything in the sea dying, and people gnawing off their tongues – ew! I think if that had happened, someone might have mentioned it. (punches WISEMAN)
MR. WISEMAN: It's called symbolism. Or don't they us big words like that in the books you read? (several punches)
SISTER SOPHIA: Ooo! Nice one, fuzzball. What about the millennium? (several punches)
MR. WISEMAN: Millennium, shmillennium. Next you'll be talking about the antichrist. (more punches)
SISTER SOPHIA: That's right. The Antichrist will rise from the Middle East. (more punches)
MR. WISEMAN: Wrong! Nero was the antichrist.
(The punches now become non-stop.)
SISTER SOPHIA: Blasphemer!
MR. WISEMAN: Heretic!
SISTER SOPHIA: Dork!
MR. WISEMAN: Schmuck!
JESSIE: (standing) Hold it! I know what Revelation means.
(The punching stops, and they turn to JESSIE.)
SISTER SOPHIA: What are you talking about?
JESSIE: I know what Revelation means.
MR. WISEMAN: You know what Revelation means. I've studied this my whole adult life. I have a library full of books on the subject and have met with the greatest scholars of eschatology.
SISTER SOPHIA: She probably can't even spell eschatology.
MR. WISEMAN: So tell us, Miss Smartypants, what does Revelation mean?
JESSIE: In the end, God wins.
SISTER SOPHIA: Oh, yeah.
MR. WISEMAN: Well, I think I better be going. (exits quickly)
SISTER SOPHIA: Yeah, I gotta go to, uh... I've gotta do, uh... I have to be at the, uh... Bye. (exits quickly)
MISS REBECCA: Good job, Jessie. That is the right answer.
JESSIE: (waving) Thank you. Thank you very much. (sits)
A lesson about the meaning of the book of Revelation.
Cast:
MR. WISEMAN – a boxing rabbi and preterist
SISTER SOPHIA – a boxing nun and futurist
MISS REBECCA – the teacher who introduces the experts
JESSIE – the student who sets them straight
(The scene opens with MISS REBECCA on stage.)
MISS REBECCA: Today, we come to the end of our study of the New Testament with a look at the book of Revelation. This book can be very hard to understand, so we have brought in two experts to discuss its meaning and significance. Please welcome Mr. Wiseman and Sister Sophia.
MR. WISEMAN: Thank you, Miss Rebecca, for having me here today, and it's always a pleasure to see you, Sophia.
SISTER SOPHIA: And it's always nice to see you. Good morning, boys & girls.
MISS REBECCA: Let's start with you, Mr. Wiseman. What can you tell us about the book of Revelation?
MR. WISEMAN: The Revelation of John describes events that took place in the first century and culminated in the destruction of Temple in AD 70.
SISTER SOPHIA: Mr. Wiseman, sometimes you're not such a wise man with your preterist piffle. Revelation is clearly depicting future events – perhaps even near-future events.
MR. WISEMAN: Sophie, Sophie. You and your futurist folderol. How can you say these are future events? In the Olivet Discourse, Jesus said "this generation shall not pass till all these things be fulfilled." The Temple was destroyed within a 40-year generation. (punches SOPHIA)
SISTER SOPHIA: Really? Revelation describes an apocalypse complete with earthquakes, rivers turning to blood, everything in the sea dying, and people gnawing off their tongues – ew! I think if that had happened, someone might have mentioned it. (punches WISEMAN)
MR. WISEMAN: It's called symbolism. Or don't they us big words like that in the books you read? (several punches)
SISTER SOPHIA: Ooo! Nice one, fuzzball. What about the millennium? (several punches)
MR. WISEMAN: Millennium, shmillennium. Next you'll be talking about the antichrist. (more punches)
SISTER SOPHIA: That's right. The Antichrist will rise from the Middle East. (more punches)
MR. WISEMAN: Wrong! Nero was the antichrist.
(The punches now become non-stop.)
SISTER SOPHIA: Blasphemer!
MR. WISEMAN: Heretic!
SISTER SOPHIA: Dork!
MR. WISEMAN: Schmuck!
JESSIE: (standing) Hold it! I know what Revelation means.
(The punching stops, and they turn to JESSIE.)
SISTER SOPHIA: What are you talking about?
JESSIE: I know what Revelation means.
MR. WISEMAN: You know what Revelation means. I've studied this my whole adult life. I have a library full of books on the subject and have met with the greatest scholars of eschatology.
SISTER SOPHIA: She probably can't even spell eschatology.
MR. WISEMAN: So tell us, Miss Smartypants, what does Revelation mean?
JESSIE: In the end, God wins.
SISTER SOPHIA: Oh, yeah.
MR. WISEMAN: Well, I think I better be going. (exits quickly)
SISTER SOPHIA: Yeah, I gotta go to, uh... I've gotta do, uh... I have to be at the, uh... Bye. (exits quickly)
MISS REBECCA: Good job, Jessie. That is the right answer.
JESSIE: (waving) Thank you. Thank you very much. (sits)
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
In the Vase of Disaster
Scripture Reference: Hebrews 11, Romans 4:18-25
A lesson about faith.
Cast:
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
MISS REBECCA – the teacher who sets him straight
(The scene opens with MISS REBECCA on stage.)
OZZIE: Miss Rebecca! Miss Rebecca! I need to ask you something!
MISS REBECCA: What do you need, Ozzie?
OZZIE: If I were to ask if I could come live with you, what would you say?
MISS REBECCA: I'd say, why do you not want to live at your home anymore?
OZZIE: No reason. No one's in trouble. Nothing's broken. Just askin'?
MISS REBECCA: What did you break, Ozzie?
OZZIE: Break? Me? Nothing. Why do you ask?
MISS REBECCA: Call it mother's intuition.
OZZIE: No, no. I was just thinking. What if someone – not me – did something – say break something – and needed some place to lay low or maybe even live forever, would you be willing to help some one – who's not me - like that?
MISS REBECCA: What did you break, Ozzie?
OZZIE: Nothing! I didn't break my mom's favorite vase!
MISS REBECCA: You broke your mom's favorite vase?
OZZIE: How did you find out? Who told you? Was it Dalton?
MISS REBECCA: No. It's not important how I found out. What is important is why you think you need somewhere else to live?
OZZIE: Cause my mom loves that vase, and she'll hate me for breaking it. She'll probably kick me out of the house, and I'll be homeless and probably have to live in a cardboard box by the railroad track. I'll have to eat bugs and... and sticks and stones. I'll eventually wither away to fur and bones.
MISS REBECCA: I don't think any of that will happen to you.
OZZIE: But she will kick me out.
MISS REBECCA: I don't think she'll kick you out either. Was it an accident?
OZZIE: Yes, ma'am, but it was her favorite vase. I'm doomed! I'm doomed!
MISS REBECCA: You're not doomed. Tell you what, sweetie, I'll take care of it with your mom.
OZZIE: Really?!? How?
MISS REBECCA: Don't worry about how. Just trust me.
OZZIE: You're swell. Miss Rebecca. How can I ever repay you?
MISS REBECCA: Tell you what – have faith that I can take care of it, and we'll call it even.
OZZIE: Well, certainly. That's stupendous. Thanks!
MISS REBECCA: My pleasure. I'm glad I can help.
OZZIE: Oh, and one more thing.
MISS REBECCA: What's that?
OZZIE: When you talk to my mom don't mention her favorite lamp. (exits)
MISS REBECCA: Ozzie!
A lesson about faith.
Cast:
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
MISS REBECCA – the teacher who sets him straight
(The scene opens with MISS REBECCA on stage.)
OZZIE: Miss Rebecca! Miss Rebecca! I need to ask you something!
MISS REBECCA: What do you need, Ozzie?
OZZIE: If I were to ask if I could come live with you, what would you say?
MISS REBECCA: I'd say, why do you not want to live at your home anymore?
OZZIE: No reason. No one's in trouble. Nothing's broken. Just askin'?
MISS REBECCA: What did you break, Ozzie?
OZZIE: Break? Me? Nothing. Why do you ask?
MISS REBECCA: Call it mother's intuition.
OZZIE: No, no. I was just thinking. What if someone – not me – did something – say break something – and needed some place to lay low or maybe even live forever, would you be willing to help some one – who's not me - like that?
MISS REBECCA: What did you break, Ozzie?
OZZIE: Nothing! I didn't break my mom's favorite vase!
MISS REBECCA: You broke your mom's favorite vase?
OZZIE: How did you find out? Who told you? Was it Dalton?
MISS REBECCA: No. It's not important how I found out. What is important is why you think you need somewhere else to live?
OZZIE: Cause my mom loves that vase, and she'll hate me for breaking it. She'll probably kick me out of the house, and I'll be homeless and probably have to live in a cardboard box by the railroad track. I'll have to eat bugs and... and sticks and stones. I'll eventually wither away to fur and bones.
MISS REBECCA: I don't think any of that will happen to you.
OZZIE: But she will kick me out.
MISS REBECCA: I don't think she'll kick you out either. Was it an accident?
OZZIE: Yes, ma'am, but it was her favorite vase. I'm doomed! I'm doomed!
MISS REBECCA: You're not doomed. Tell you what, sweetie, I'll take care of it with your mom.
OZZIE: Really?!? How?
MISS REBECCA: Don't worry about how. Just trust me.
OZZIE: You're swell. Miss Rebecca. How can I ever repay you?
MISS REBECCA: Tell you what – have faith that I can take care of it, and we'll call it even.
OZZIE: Well, certainly. That's stupendous. Thanks!
MISS REBECCA: My pleasure. I'm glad I can help.
OZZIE: Oh, and one more thing.
MISS REBECCA: What's that?
OZZIE: When you talk to my mom don't mention her favorite lamp. (exits)
MISS REBECCA: Ozzie!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Apostle, Epistle, SpongeBob
Last Sunday, our lesson was on Paul's letter to Philemon, but we also did an overview of all of Paul's letters. I told them the letters were called epistles and discussed how they were used in the early church. To help them remember the epistles, and not confuse them with apostles, I came up with this game.
I put three hula hoops on the ground (you could use tape or some other way of creating a circle) and labeled the circles "Apostle," "Epistle," and "SpongeBob." I then read the names off the list below (in random order), and the kids had to decide if it was an apostle, an epistle, or a character from SpongeBob SquarePants. They did this by getting into the appropriate circle. For example, if I said Thomas, they should all get into the circle for Apostle, or if I said Squidward, they should all get in the circle for SpongeBob.
Here is the list I used:
Galatians (Epistle)
Romans (Epistle)
Titus (Epistle)
Ephesians (Epistle)
Philippians (Epistle)
Colossians (Epistle)
Philemon (Epistle)
Peter (Apostle)
John (Apostle)
Paul (Apostle)
Thomas (Apostle)
Simon (Apostle)
Andrew (Apostle)
Matthias (Apostle)
Patrick [Star] (Sponge Bob)
Squidward [Tentacles] (Sponge Bob)
Sandy [Cheeks] (Sponge Bob)
[Sheldon] Plankton (Sponge Bob)
Mermaid Man (Sponge Bob)
Barnacle Boy (Sponge Bob)
Mr. Krabs (Sponge Bob)
The game is actually pretty easy. Rarely did the kids miss a question. Titus, however, tricked a couple of them. The main point of the game was to have the kids do something active and fun to review the lesson, and this worked very well. I suspect I will use variations of this game to review other lessons. Maybe "Old Testament, New Testament, Dr. Seuss" is in the near future.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Good Feathers
Scripture Reference: Philemon, 2 Corinthians 5:21
A lesson about redemption.
Cast:
DILLY – a southern fried chicken who doesn’t always get things straight
BUGSY – a tough guy
Costume:
something that suggests a gangster
(BUGSY is out of sight; DILLY enters)
DILLY: Good mornin;, young 'uns' How y'all are? (improv/interact with the kids) Well, aren't y'all just cuter than a box of puppies.
BUGSY: (enters and approaches the stage) Hey, you! Chicken! Can you help me?
DILLY: I reckon I can. How may I help you, sir?
BUGSY: I'm lookin' for some chick named Flora. You know the dame?
DILLY: The lady you are referring to is my dearest friend. What in the name of Col. Sanders does a ruffian like you want with Flora?
BUGSY: It ain't none of your business, but she owes my employer chicken feed.
DILLY: If she doesn't owe him much money, why did he send his hired muscle to collect it?
BUGSY: Not money, you dizzy dame. Chicken feed. She actually owes some feed for chickens.
DILLY: Well, roll me over and call me tumbleweeds. Whatever happened?
BUGSY: Seems your pal is a doll with a big heart. There wasn't enough food at the orphanage, so she borrowed some from my employer. Now, he's sent me to collect her repayment.
DILLY: The thing sounds more crooked than a corkscrew, but I can guarantee that Flora will make good on her debts.
BUGSY: Your guarantee is all well and good, but it don't feed the monkey.
DILLY: You have a mighty peculiar way of express yourself. Anyway, if her word isn't good enough for you, perhaps mine will be.
BUGSY: What you talking about you crazy broad?
DILLY: I will cover Flora's debt. I will pay it for her.
BUGSY: Why in the world would you do that?
DILLY: Because she is my oldest and dearest friend.
BUGSY: (starting to get emotional) And you'd do that for her?
DILLY: As certain as God made little green apples. I love Flora like a sister.
BUGSY: (becoming more emotional) I've never heard of anyone doing that before. That's the sweetest thing ever.
DILLY: Love is always willing to sacrifice for others and give to help a friend.
BUGSY: (bawling) I wish I had a friend like that. Someone I could sacrifice for. Someone to have my back. Someone to go to gun show with. I'm getting too emotional. I'll come back tomorrow to collect the chicken feed. . (exits quickly)
DILLY: (stares at stage surprised at Bugsy's sudden departure)
BUGSY: (reappears) I almost forgot – bye, youse guys! (exits)
DILLY: Bye, y'all. (exits)
A lesson about redemption.
Cast:
DILLY – a southern fried chicken who doesn’t always get things straight
BUGSY – a tough guy
Costume:
something that suggests a gangster
(BUGSY is out of sight; DILLY enters)
DILLY: Good mornin;, young 'uns' How y'all are? (improv/interact with the kids) Well, aren't y'all just cuter than a box of puppies.
BUGSY: (enters and approaches the stage) Hey, you! Chicken! Can you help me?
DILLY: I reckon I can. How may I help you, sir?
BUGSY: I'm lookin' for some chick named Flora. You know the dame?
DILLY: The lady you are referring to is my dearest friend. What in the name of Col. Sanders does a ruffian like you want with Flora?
BUGSY: It ain't none of your business, but she owes my employer chicken feed.
DILLY: If she doesn't owe him much money, why did he send his hired muscle to collect it?
BUGSY: Not money, you dizzy dame. Chicken feed. She actually owes some feed for chickens.
DILLY: Well, roll me over and call me tumbleweeds. Whatever happened?
BUGSY: Seems your pal is a doll with a big heart. There wasn't enough food at the orphanage, so she borrowed some from my employer. Now, he's sent me to collect her repayment.
DILLY: The thing sounds more crooked than a corkscrew, but I can guarantee that Flora will make good on her debts.
BUGSY: Your guarantee is all well and good, but it don't feed the monkey.
DILLY: You have a mighty peculiar way of express yourself. Anyway, if her word isn't good enough for you, perhaps mine will be.
BUGSY: What you talking about you crazy broad?
DILLY: I will cover Flora's debt. I will pay it for her.
BUGSY: Why in the world would you do that?
DILLY: Because she is my oldest and dearest friend.
BUGSY: (starting to get emotional) And you'd do that for her?
DILLY: As certain as God made little green apples. I love Flora like a sister.
BUGSY: (becoming more emotional) I've never heard of anyone doing that before. That's the sweetest thing ever.
DILLY: Love is always willing to sacrifice for others and give to help a friend.
BUGSY: (bawling) I wish I had a friend like that. Someone I could sacrifice for. Someone to have my back. Someone to go to gun show with. I'm getting too emotional. I'll come back tomorrow to collect the chicken feed. . (exits quickly)
DILLY: (stares at stage surprised at Bugsy's sudden departure)
BUGSY: (reappears) I almost forgot – bye, youse guys! (exits)
DILLY: Bye, y'all. (exits)
Monday, August 8, 2011
Missing: Squiggly
Scripture Reference: Acts 27-28
A lesson about God’s provision.
Cast:
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
SQUIGGLY – Ozzie’s pet worm
MR. MATT – the teacher who sets him straight
Props:
None
(MR. MATT is on stage when OZZIE enters.)
OZZIE: (frantic) Mr. Matt! Mr. Matt!
MR. MATT: What is it, Ozzie?
OZZIE: He's missing! He's gone astray! I've searched high & low, hither & yon, betwixt & between! I can't fine him! He's lost! He's lost I tell you! He's gone!!
MR. MATT: Who's gone?
OZZIE: Squiggly's gone. I can't find him anywhere.
MR. MATT: I'm sorry to hear that.
OZZIE: Hey, Caleb! Have you seen, Squiggly? (Ask several kids taking time to interact & improvise.) How about you, Mr. Matt? Have you seen Squiggly?
MR. MATT: No, I haven't, but I'm sure he'll come back.
OZZIE: That's what my mama said. She said I needed to rely on God's pro-, pro-, pro volone.
MR. MATT: Provision?
OZZIE: That's what my mama said. To trust in God's provision to bring him back.
MR. MATT: Your mama sounds like a very wise woman.
OZZIE: That's what my mama said.
MR. MATT: So do you trust God to provide?
OZZIE: It's not easy, but I'll try.
(SQUIGGLY appears. MR. MATT notices; OZZIE does not.)
MR. MATT: I have a feeling it's all going to work out.
OZZIE: You think so?
MR. MATT: I know so.
(SQUIGGLY taps OZZIE.)
OZZIE: Squiggly!!
SQUIGGLY: (spoken with a kazoo) Ozzie!
OZZIE: Where have you been, you silly worm?
SQUIGGLY: (provides a long, unintelligible explanation)
OZZIE: (to MR. MATT) He says he was visiting his friend Squigbert, and he left me note by my hairbrush.
MR. MATT: And you didn't see it?
OZZIE: I forget to brush my hair.
MR. MATT: How long has he been gone?
OZZIE: Four days.
MR. MATT: You haven't brushed your hair in four days?
OZZIE: Do I look like I brush my hair everyday?
MR. MATT: True. I guess he should have put it my your toothbrush.
OZZIE: Do I look like I brush my teeth everyday? (exits quickly)
(SQUIGGLY exits quickly)
MR. MATT: Ozzie!
A lesson about God’s provision.
Cast:
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
SQUIGGLY – Ozzie’s pet worm
MR. MATT – the teacher who sets him straight
Props:
None
(MR. MATT is on stage when OZZIE enters.)
OZZIE: (frantic) Mr. Matt! Mr. Matt!
MR. MATT: What is it, Ozzie?
OZZIE: He's missing! He's gone astray! I've searched high & low, hither & yon, betwixt & between! I can't fine him! He's lost! He's lost I tell you! He's gone!!
MR. MATT: Who's gone?
OZZIE: Squiggly's gone. I can't find him anywhere.
MR. MATT: I'm sorry to hear that.
OZZIE: Hey, Caleb! Have you seen, Squiggly? (Ask several kids taking time to interact & improvise.) How about you, Mr. Matt? Have you seen Squiggly?
MR. MATT: No, I haven't, but I'm sure he'll come back.
OZZIE: That's what my mama said. She said I needed to rely on God's pro-, pro-, pro volone.
MR. MATT: Provision?
OZZIE: That's what my mama said. To trust in God's provision to bring him back.
MR. MATT: Your mama sounds like a very wise woman.
OZZIE: That's what my mama said.
MR. MATT: So do you trust God to provide?
OZZIE: It's not easy, but I'll try.
(SQUIGGLY appears. MR. MATT notices; OZZIE does not.)
MR. MATT: I have a feeling it's all going to work out.
OZZIE: You think so?
MR. MATT: I know so.
(SQUIGGLY taps OZZIE.)
OZZIE: Squiggly!!
SQUIGGLY: (spoken with a kazoo) Ozzie!
OZZIE: Where have you been, you silly worm?
SQUIGGLY: (provides a long, unintelligible explanation)
OZZIE: (to MR. MATT) He says he was visiting his friend Squigbert, and he left me note by my hairbrush.
MR. MATT: And you didn't see it?
OZZIE: I forget to brush my hair.
MR. MATT: How long has he been gone?
OZZIE: Four days.
MR. MATT: You haven't brushed your hair in four days?
OZZIE: Do I look like I brush my hair everyday?
MR. MATT: True. I guess he should have put it my your toothbrush.
OZZIE: Do I look like I brush my teeth everyday? (exits quickly)
(SQUIGGLY exits quickly)
MR. MATT: Ozzie!
Monday, August 1, 2011
Jail Bunny
Scripture Reference: Acts 16:16-36
A lesson about God’s power.
Cast:
D.B. – a good albeit not very bright bunny
MR. MIKE– the teacher who sets him straight
Props:
None
(MR. MIKE is on stage when D.B. enters.)
D.B.: Hi, Mr. Mike.
MR. MIKE: Hi, D.B. How’s it going?
D.B.: I am doing a lot better now.
MR. MIKE: You weren’t doing OK before now?
D.B.: No, I had a bad week at school.
MR. MIKE: What school do you go to, D.B.?
D.B.: Bugs Bunny Elementary School, and they are so unfair.
MR. MIKE: What happened?
D.B.: I had detention all week.
MR. MIKE: What did you do?
D.B.: That is just it. I did not do anything.
MR. MIKE: (incredulous) Really?
D.B.: Really. I know I do naughty stuff sometimes, but this time I am innocent, I tell ya.
MR. MIKE: Then I’m sorry to hear that.
D.B.: Plus the school bully was in there: Peter Bignose.
MR. MIKE: Peter Bignose?
D.B.: Do you know him?
MR. MIKE: No, it’s just a kind of unusual name.
D.B.: It is a pretty common rabbit name.
MR. MIKE: Really?
D.B.: Yes, there are lots of rabbits named Peter.
MR. MIKE: Oh. Well, that must have been pretty scary to be in detention with the school bully.
D.B.: It was at first, but then I got to know him.
MR. MIKE: And is he really a good kid?
D.B.: He is OK. He is really angry though. We talked a lot last week.
MR. MIKE: About what?
D.B.: Just stuff. Star Wars, Legos, comic books, sports, and even Jesus.
MR. MIKE: That’s great, D.B. What did you tell him about Jesus?
D.B.: About how wonderful he is and how he could help Peter not be so angry.
MR. MIKE: What did he say?
D.B.: He is thinking about it. I think it helped that I was not all grumpy frumpy about being unjustly put in detention.
MR. MIKE: You remind me of Paul & Silas.
D.B.: Did they have long ears and fuzzy tails, too?
MR. MIKE: No. In our Bible story today, they are unjustly put in prison. They prayed and sang hymns.
D.B.: Well, I did not sing any hymns.
MR. MIKE: That’s not what I…
D.B.: I did sing King of the Jungle. (sings)
Who's the king of the jungle? Hoo hoo!
Who's the king of the sea? Bubba bubba bubba...
MR. MIKE: Very nice.
D.B.: Thank you.
MR. MIKE: My point, however, was that Paul & Silas were in a bad situation, and by God’s power, something good came out of it. In their case, the jailer and his family were saved.
D.B.: Wow! And in my case Peter Bignose heard about Jesus.
MR. MIKE: Exactly.
D.B.: Thank you, Mr. Mike.
MR. MIKE: You’re welcome, D.B.
D.B.: Bye, Mr. Mike.
MR. MIKE: Bye, D.B.
A lesson about God’s power.
Cast:
D.B. – a good albeit not very bright bunny
MR. MIKE– the teacher who sets him straight
Props:
None
(MR. MIKE is on stage when D.B. enters.)
D.B.: Hi, Mr. Mike.
MR. MIKE: Hi, D.B. How’s it going?
D.B.: I am doing a lot better now.
MR. MIKE: You weren’t doing OK before now?
D.B.: No, I had a bad week at school.
MR. MIKE: What school do you go to, D.B.?
D.B.: Bugs Bunny Elementary School, and they are so unfair.
MR. MIKE: What happened?
D.B.: I had detention all week.
MR. MIKE: What did you do?
D.B.: That is just it. I did not do anything.
MR. MIKE: (incredulous) Really?
D.B.: Really. I know I do naughty stuff sometimes, but this time I am innocent, I tell ya.
MR. MIKE: Then I’m sorry to hear that.
D.B.: Plus the school bully was in there: Peter Bignose.
MR. MIKE: Peter Bignose?
D.B.: Do you know him?
MR. MIKE: No, it’s just a kind of unusual name.
D.B.: It is a pretty common rabbit name.
MR. MIKE: Really?
D.B.: Yes, there are lots of rabbits named Peter.
MR. MIKE: Oh. Well, that must have been pretty scary to be in detention with the school bully.
D.B.: It was at first, but then I got to know him.
MR. MIKE: And is he really a good kid?
D.B.: He is OK. He is really angry though. We talked a lot last week.
MR. MIKE: About what?
D.B.: Just stuff. Star Wars, Legos, comic books, sports, and even Jesus.
MR. MIKE: That’s great, D.B. What did you tell him about Jesus?
D.B.: About how wonderful he is and how he could help Peter not be so angry.
MR. MIKE: What did he say?
D.B.: He is thinking about it. I think it helped that I was not all grumpy frumpy about being unjustly put in detention.
MR. MIKE: You remind me of Paul & Silas.
D.B.: Did they have long ears and fuzzy tails, too?
MR. MIKE: No. In our Bible story today, they are unjustly put in prison. They prayed and sang hymns.
D.B.: Well, I did not sing any hymns.
MR. MIKE: That’s not what I…
D.B.: I did sing King of the Jungle. (sings)
Who's the king of the jungle? Hoo hoo!
Who's the king of the sea? Bubba bubba bubba...
MR. MIKE: Very nice.
D.B.: Thank you.
MR. MIKE: My point, however, was that Paul & Silas were in a bad situation, and by God’s power, something good came out of it. In their case, the jailer and his family were saved.
D.B.: Wow! And in my case Peter Bignose heard about Jesus.
MR. MIKE: Exactly.
D.B.: Thank you, Mr. Mike.
MR. MIKE: You’re welcome, D.B.
D.B.: Bye, Mr. Mike.
MR. MIKE: Bye, D.B.
Monday, July 25, 2011
The Great Cow-mission
Scripture Reference: Acts 10:1-11:18
A lesson about who can be saved.
Cast:
DILLY – a southern fried chicken who doesn’t always get things straight
MR. MIKE– the teacher who sets her straight
Props:
none
(MR. MIKE begins on stage)
DILLY: How y’all doin’, Mr. Mike?
MR. MIKE: If I were any better I couldn’t stand it. How are you, Dilly?
DILLY: I’m finer than frog hair.
MR. MIKE: The last time I saw you I believe you were rushing off to carry out the Great Commission. How’s that going?
DILLY: I’ve been busier than a stump-tailed cow in fly season. I’ve been sharing the Good News and making disciples of all the chickens.
MR. MIKE: What about the other animals?
DILLY: What about them?
MR. MIKE: Aren’t you going to tell them the Good News?
DILLY: Whatever for? They’re just vulgar, dirty creatures, bless their hearts.
MR. MIKE: Dilly! That’s a terrible thing to say.
DILLY: I’m sure their mamas love them, but I’m just saying…
MR. MIKE: What about cows? They seem decent enough.
DILLY: Have you ever met a cow? Did you know they spit up their food and chew it again? Disgusting.
MR. MIKE: What about pigs?
DILLY: They’re even worse. You know what they say: When you fight with a pig you both get dirty, but the pig likes it.
MR. MIKE: Ducks?
DILLY: Mr. Mike, you’re not supposed to read the stage directions.
MR. MIKE: I’m not supposed to duck. I’m asking, what about ducks? They are birds like you?
DILLY: They are not birds like me. They are a few kernels shy of cob.
MR. MIKE: Sheep?
DILLY: Dirty. Nasty.
MR. MIKE: Dogs?
DILLY: Slobbery!
MR. MIKE: Cats?
DILLY: (sing-songy) Hairballs.
MR. MIKE: So there aren’t any animals other than chickens deserving of your attention?
DILLY: No! They are all dirtier than a college student’s laundry.
MR. MIKE: That sounds mighty dirty. But the Bible says, “God has made these things clean, so don’t call them unholy!” (Acts 10:15 NCV)
DILLY: Oh my! Don’t that just dill my pickle. I cannot believe I have so many folks to talk to . Where to start? Where to start? (running back & forth) The cows. No, the dog. No, the sheep. No, the poor, pitiful ducks. (exits quickly)
MR. MIKE: (stares at stage surprised at Dilly’s sudden departure)
DILLY: (reappears) I almost forgot – bye, y’all! (exits)
A lesson about who can be saved.
Cast:
DILLY – a southern fried chicken who doesn’t always get things straight
MR. MIKE– the teacher who sets her straight
Props:
none
(MR. MIKE begins on stage)
DILLY: How y’all doin’, Mr. Mike?
MR. MIKE: If I were any better I couldn’t stand it. How are you, Dilly?
DILLY: I’m finer than frog hair.
MR. MIKE: The last time I saw you I believe you were rushing off to carry out the Great Commission. How’s that going?
DILLY: I’ve been busier than a stump-tailed cow in fly season. I’ve been sharing the Good News and making disciples of all the chickens.
MR. MIKE: What about the other animals?
DILLY: What about them?
MR. MIKE: Aren’t you going to tell them the Good News?
DILLY: Whatever for? They’re just vulgar, dirty creatures, bless their hearts.
MR. MIKE: Dilly! That’s a terrible thing to say.
DILLY: I’m sure their mamas love them, but I’m just saying…
MR. MIKE: What about cows? They seem decent enough.
DILLY: Have you ever met a cow? Did you know they spit up their food and chew it again? Disgusting.
MR. MIKE: What about pigs?
DILLY: They’re even worse. You know what they say: When you fight with a pig you both get dirty, but the pig likes it.
MR. MIKE: Ducks?
DILLY: Mr. Mike, you’re not supposed to read the stage directions.
MR. MIKE: I’m not supposed to duck. I’m asking, what about ducks? They are birds like you?
DILLY: They are not birds like me. They are a few kernels shy of cob.
MR. MIKE: Sheep?
DILLY: Dirty. Nasty.
MR. MIKE: Dogs?
DILLY: Slobbery!
MR. MIKE: Cats?
DILLY: (sing-songy) Hairballs.
MR. MIKE: So there aren’t any animals other than chickens deserving of your attention?
DILLY: No! They are all dirtier than a college student’s laundry.
MR. MIKE: That sounds mighty dirty. But the Bible says, “God has made these things clean, so don’t call them unholy!” (Acts 10:15 NCV)
DILLY: Oh my! Don’t that just dill my pickle. I cannot believe I have so many folks to talk to . Where to start? Where to start? (running back & forth) The cows. No, the dog. No, the sheep. No, the poor, pitiful ducks. (exits quickly)
MR. MIKE: (stares at stage surprised at Dilly’s sudden departure)
DILLY: (reappears) I almost forgot – bye, y’all! (exits)
Monday, July 18, 2011
At the Other End of the Scales
Scripture Reference: Acts 9:1-22, 2 Timothy 1:3-7
A lesson about conversion.
Cast:
D.B. – a good albeit not very bright bunny
MISS REBECCA – the teacher who sets him straight
Props:
Balance or bathroom scales
2 or 3 toy fish
Sheet music
Bible
SFX:
Truck horn
(MISS REBECCA begins on stage)
MISS REBECCA: While we are waiting for D.B., let’s take a look at our Bible story for today. It is the story about Saul’s conversion., and it can be found in Acts 9. (read Acts 9:1-19)
D.B.: (when MISS REBECCA reads about the scales falling from Saul’s eyes, moves the balance or bathroom scales out on stage; at the end of the reading start shouting) I can see! I can see! The scales have fallen from my eyes!
MISS REBECCA: What are you yelling about?
D.B.: The scales have fallen from my eyes, Miss Rebecca, just like Saul. See? (looks at the scales)
MISS REBECCA: It wasn’t those kind of scales.
D.B.: (disappointed) Oh. (having an idea) Oh. (exits, throws out fish, returns) I can see! I can see! The scales have fallen from my eyes!
MISS REBECCA: Not fish scales.
D.B.: Oh. Hmmm. Ah. (exits, throws out sheet music, returns) I can see! I can see! The scales have fallen from my eyes!
MISS REBECCA: Not musical scales.
D.B.: (dreading) OK. (exits, sounds of straining)
SFX: truck horn
MISS REBECCA: Not truck scales either.
D.B.: (enters) Phew! That’s a relief.
MISS REBECCA: What’s going on with all the different kinds of scales?
D.B.: I want to have a cool conversion like story like Saul.
MISS REBECCA: Sweetie, the important thing is that you’re saved, now how cool your story is.
D.B.: Yeah, but Saul’s story is SO cool.
MISS REBECCA: It is, but do you know who Timothy is?
D.B.: Is he that kid with eleven toes?
MISS REBECCA: What? No! Timothy was a friend of Saul’s. He didn’t have a dramatic conversion story, but he was a very influential in the early church.
D.B.: Really?
MISS REBECCA: Really. You don’t have to have a dramatic conversion to make a dramatic difference for God.
D.B.: I am so happy to hear that. It is a real pain to carry around all of these scales.
MISS REBECCA: I imagine it is.
D.B.: Thank you, Miss Rebecca.
MISS REBECCA: You’re welcome, D.B.
D.B.: Bye, Miss Rebecca.
MISS REBECCA: Bye, D.B.
A lesson about conversion.
Cast:
D.B. – a good albeit not very bright bunny
MISS REBECCA – the teacher who sets him straight
Props:
Balance or bathroom scales
2 or 3 toy fish
Sheet music
Bible
SFX:
Truck horn
(MISS REBECCA begins on stage)
MISS REBECCA: While we are waiting for D.B., let’s take a look at our Bible story for today. It is the story about Saul’s conversion., and it can be found in Acts 9. (read Acts 9:1-19)
D.B.: (when MISS REBECCA reads about the scales falling from Saul’s eyes, moves the balance or bathroom scales out on stage; at the end of the reading start shouting) I can see! I can see! The scales have fallen from my eyes!
MISS REBECCA: What are you yelling about?
D.B.: The scales have fallen from my eyes, Miss Rebecca, just like Saul. See? (looks at the scales)
MISS REBECCA: It wasn’t those kind of scales.
D.B.: (disappointed) Oh. (having an idea) Oh. (exits, throws out fish, returns) I can see! I can see! The scales have fallen from my eyes!
MISS REBECCA: Not fish scales.
D.B.: Oh. Hmmm. Ah. (exits, throws out sheet music, returns) I can see! I can see! The scales have fallen from my eyes!
MISS REBECCA: Not musical scales.
D.B.: (dreading) OK. (exits, sounds of straining)
SFX: truck horn
MISS REBECCA: Not truck scales either.
D.B.: (enters) Phew! That’s a relief.
MISS REBECCA: What’s going on with all the different kinds of scales?
D.B.: I want to have a cool conversion like story like Saul.
MISS REBECCA: Sweetie, the important thing is that you’re saved, now how cool your story is.
D.B.: Yeah, but Saul’s story is SO cool.
MISS REBECCA: It is, but do you know who Timothy is?
D.B.: Is he that kid with eleven toes?
MISS REBECCA: What? No! Timothy was a friend of Saul’s. He didn’t have a dramatic conversion story, but he was a very influential in the early church.
D.B.: Really?
MISS REBECCA: Really. You don’t have to have a dramatic conversion to make a dramatic difference for God.
D.B.: I am so happy to hear that. It is a real pain to carry around all of these scales.
MISS REBECCA: I imagine it is.
D.B.: Thank you, Miss Rebecca.
MISS REBECCA: You’re welcome, D.B.
D.B.: Bye, Miss Rebecca.
MISS REBECCA: Bye, D.B.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Witless for Christ
Scripture Reference: Acts 8:26-40, Mark 13:11
A lesson about witnessing.
Cast:
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
MISS REBECCA – the teacher who sets him straight
Props:
None
(MISS REBECCA begins on stage)
OZZIE: Hi, Miss Rebecca.
MISS REBECCA: Good morning, Ozzie. What’s up?
OZZIE: I’m glad you asked. Before class started, I saw… (starts listing things that happened before church that morning) Then I saw Pastor John…
MISS REBECCA: Ozzie, why are you telling me all of this?
OZZIE: I heard the lesson today is about witnessing, so I thought I would tell you all the stuff I witnessed this morning.
MISS REBECCA: Ah! We’re not talking about that kind of witnessing.
OZZIE: Are you certain? Cause I got lots more stuff I witnessed.
MISS REBECCA: I’m sure you do, but I’m certain that we are talking about something different this morning.
OZZIE: (disappointed) Oh. (confused) What other sort of witnessing is there?
MISS REBECCA: We are talking about sharing our faith in Jesus Christ with others.
OZZIE: How is that witnessing?
MISS REBECCA: Let me explain it this way: If there was a trial and you had information about the case, you’d be called as a witness to testify about the facts of the case.
OZZIE: Oh, so someone here broke the law. (stage whispers) Was it Nikki? She’s pretty suspicious.
MISS REBECCA: Nikki is not on trial. No one here broke the law.
OZZIE: Then what’s the trial about?
MISS REBECCA: The trial was hypothetical.
OZZIE: Is that against the law?
MISS REBECCA: No, I mean it is an analogy. As a witness for Christ, we tell others the facts about Jesus.
OZZIE: Like how he was born in a stable and died on a cross?
MISS REBECCA: Yes, but not just historical facts. We testify about how He has changed our lives.
OZZIE: That sounds really hard. I don’t think I’d know what to say.
MISS REBECCA: You just have to tell the truth, just like you would in a courtroom.
OZZIE: That doesn’t sound so bad.
MISS REBECCA: Jesus also tells us not to worry beforehand, because the Holy Spirit will speak for us.
OZZIE: That’s even better.
MISS REBECCA: So you understand now what we mean by witnessing?
OZZIE: I certainly do, and I’m glad it’s this kind of witnessing.
MISS REBECCA: Why’s that?
OZZIE: Cause I don’t want anyone witnessing me eating all the doughnuts. (exits quickly)
MISS REBECCA: Ozzie!
A lesson about witnessing.
Cast:
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
MISS REBECCA – the teacher who sets him straight
Props:
None
(MISS REBECCA begins on stage)
OZZIE: Hi, Miss Rebecca.
MISS REBECCA: Good morning, Ozzie. What’s up?
OZZIE: I’m glad you asked. Before class started, I saw… (starts listing things that happened before church that morning) Then I saw Pastor John…
MISS REBECCA: Ozzie, why are you telling me all of this?
OZZIE: I heard the lesson today is about witnessing, so I thought I would tell you all the stuff I witnessed this morning.
MISS REBECCA: Ah! We’re not talking about that kind of witnessing.
OZZIE: Are you certain? Cause I got lots more stuff I witnessed.
MISS REBECCA: I’m sure you do, but I’m certain that we are talking about something different this morning.
OZZIE: (disappointed) Oh. (confused) What other sort of witnessing is there?
MISS REBECCA: We are talking about sharing our faith in Jesus Christ with others.
OZZIE: How is that witnessing?
MISS REBECCA: Let me explain it this way: If there was a trial and you had information about the case, you’d be called as a witness to testify about the facts of the case.
OZZIE: Oh, so someone here broke the law. (stage whispers) Was it Nikki? She’s pretty suspicious.
MISS REBECCA: Nikki is not on trial. No one here broke the law.
OZZIE: Then what’s the trial about?
MISS REBECCA: The trial was hypothetical.
OZZIE: Is that against the law?
MISS REBECCA: No, I mean it is an analogy. As a witness for Christ, we tell others the facts about Jesus.
OZZIE: Like how he was born in a stable and died on a cross?
MISS REBECCA: Yes, but not just historical facts. We testify about how He has changed our lives.
OZZIE: That sounds really hard. I don’t think I’d know what to say.
MISS REBECCA: You just have to tell the truth, just like you would in a courtroom.
OZZIE: That doesn’t sound so bad.
MISS REBECCA: Jesus also tells us not to worry beforehand, because the Holy Spirit will speak for us.
OZZIE: That’s even better.
MISS REBECCA: So you understand now what we mean by witnessing?
OZZIE: I certainly do, and I’m glad it’s this kind of witnessing.
MISS REBECCA: Why’s that?
OZZIE: Cause I don’t want anyone witnessing me eating all the doughnuts. (exits quickly)
MISS REBECCA: Ozzie!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
The Gift Card of God
Scripture Reference: Acts 8:9-25
A lesson about giftedness.
Cast:
DILLY – a southern fried chicken who doesn’t always get things straight
MR. MATT – the teacher who sets her straight
Props:
None
(MR. MATT begins on stage)
DILLY: How y’all doin’, Mr. Matt?
MR. MATT: Great, dilly. How are you?
DILLY: I’m finer than frog hair, but I having a mite of trouble.
MR. MATT: Maybe I can help.
DILLY: I hope so. I’m looking for your gift shop.
MR. MATT: We don’t have a gift shop.
DILLY: Fiddle-dee-dee.
MR. MATT: Is that a problem?
DILLY: Flora’s birthday is coming up, and I wanted to get her something extra special.
MR. MATT: What did you have in mind?
DILLY: Well, I was reading in the Bible about the gift of God, so I thought I’d get that for her.
MR. MATT: Get what for her?
DILLY: The gift of God.
MR. MATT: (incredulous) The gift of God?
DILLY: Actually, I don’t know her size, so I thought I would just get her the gift card of God.
MR. MATT: You can’t get Flora the gift of God.
DILLY: My heavenly days! Why not? She’s sweeter than Tupelo honey.
MR. MATT: It’s not a question of how sweet she is. That’s just not how you get the gift of God.
DILLY: Oh, is it something I have to get off the interwebs?
MR. MATT: No. First, you can’t give someone else the gift of God. That’s something that only God can give.
DILLY: Do tell.
MR. MATT: Second, the gift has already been paid for by Jesus’ death on the cross. You just have to accept it. That’s why it is called a gift.
DILLY: Well, butter my tail and call me a biscuit. I’ll have to be sure to tell Flora that she can get this gift straight from God.
(Pause)
MR. MATT: Is that it?
DILLY: I believe so. Why?
MR. MATT: You usually get all worked up and go rushing out of here.
DILLY: I realized that I’d gotten into that rut, so I’m turning over a new leaf. I’ve decided not to run around like a squirrel in a cage any more.
MR. MATT: Good for you. I figured you’d be frantic about coming up with a different gift for Flora’s birthday.
DILLY: (frantic) A gift! For Flora! Oh my! It plum skipped my mind! And she’s so hard to shop for, bless her heart. I must get to the store directly. (exits quickly)
MR. MATT: (stares at stage surprised at Dilly’s sudden departure)
DILLY: (reappears) I almost forgot – bye, y’all! (exits)
A lesson about giftedness.
Cast:
DILLY – a southern fried chicken who doesn’t always get things straight
MR. MATT – the teacher who sets her straight
Props:
None
(MR. MATT begins on stage)
DILLY: How y’all doin’, Mr. Matt?
MR. MATT: Great, dilly. How are you?
DILLY: I’m finer than frog hair, but I having a mite of trouble.
MR. MATT: Maybe I can help.
DILLY: I hope so. I’m looking for your gift shop.
MR. MATT: We don’t have a gift shop.
DILLY: Fiddle-dee-dee.
MR. MATT: Is that a problem?
DILLY: Flora’s birthday is coming up, and I wanted to get her something extra special.
MR. MATT: What did you have in mind?
DILLY: Well, I was reading in the Bible about the gift of God, so I thought I’d get that for her.
MR. MATT: Get what for her?
DILLY: The gift of God.
MR. MATT: (incredulous) The gift of God?
DILLY: Actually, I don’t know her size, so I thought I would just get her the gift card of God.
MR. MATT: You can’t get Flora the gift of God.
DILLY: My heavenly days! Why not? She’s sweeter than Tupelo honey.
MR. MATT: It’s not a question of how sweet she is. That’s just not how you get the gift of God.
DILLY: Oh, is it something I have to get off the interwebs?
MR. MATT: No. First, you can’t give someone else the gift of God. That’s something that only God can give.
DILLY: Do tell.
MR. MATT: Second, the gift has already been paid for by Jesus’ death on the cross. You just have to accept it. That’s why it is called a gift.
DILLY: Well, butter my tail and call me a biscuit. I’ll have to be sure to tell Flora that she can get this gift straight from God.
(Pause)
MR. MATT: Is that it?
DILLY: I believe so. Why?
MR. MATT: You usually get all worked up and go rushing out of here.
DILLY: I realized that I’d gotten into that rut, so I’m turning over a new leaf. I’ve decided not to run around like a squirrel in a cage any more.
MR. MATT: Good for you. I figured you’d be frantic about coming up with a different gift for Flora’s birthday.
DILLY: (frantic) A gift! For Flora! Oh my! It plum skipped my mind! And she’s so hard to shop for, bless her heart. I must get to the store directly. (exits quickly)
MR. MATT: (stares at stage surprised at Dilly’s sudden departure)
DILLY: (reappears) I almost forgot – bye, y’all! (exits)
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
How Much Does a Pente Cost?
Scripture Reference: Acts 2
A lesson about Pentecost.
Cast:
D.B. – a good albeit not very bright bunny
MR. MATT – the teacher who sets him straight
Props:
None
(D.B. enters and remains very still.)
MR. MATT: What are you doing, D.B.?
D.B.: (trying not to move his mouth) Waiting.
MR. MATT: Waiting for what?
D.B.: I am not sure.
MR. MATT: Then why are you waiting?
D.B.: Jesus said to wait, and he would send great power.
MR. MATT: That’s what he told the disciples in the book of Acts, but…
D.B.: (forgetting to be still) What kind of power do you think I will get, Mr. Matt?
MR. MATT: I don’t think…
D.B.: Maybe super speed like the Flash. (races back and forth until he gets winded)
MR. MATT: That’s not what…
D.B.: Or maybe super strength like the Hulk. (in Hulk voice) D.B. smash puny stage. (hits stage and hurts himself) Ow!
MR. MATT: D.B., you can’t…
D.B.: Or maybe I will be like the Professor in the X-Men and be able to read and control minds. (stares at Hanna)
MR. MATT: What are you doing?
D.B.: (continuing to stare) I’m trying to see if I can control Hanna’s mind. (to Hanna) Bring me a doughnut. Bring me a doughnut.
MR. MATT: You can’t read or control minds.
D.B.: (to Mr. Matt) Laser beams?
MR. MATT: No.
D.B.: Power beams?
MR. MATT: No.
D.B.: High beams?
MR. MATT: No.
D.B.: Can I make energy-based multiples of myself?
MR. MATT: No!
D.B.: How about…?
MR. MATT: D.B.! That’s not the great power Jesus was talking about.
D.B.: It was not?
MR. MATT: No, he was talking about the Pentecost.
D.B.: Oh! (beat) Well, I have money. How much does a Pente cost?
MR. MATT: No, D.B. Pentecost was the day that the early church received the Holy Spirit. With the Holy Spirit, they received great power.
D.B.: And with great power comes great responsibility.
MR. MATT: Yes, but that’s a different story. With the power of the Holy Spirit, the early church was able to boldly share the Good News about Jesus, and the church grew quickly.
D.B.: That is even cooler that super powers!
MR. MATT: I think so.
D.B.: Thank you, Mr. Matt.
MR. MATT: You’re welcome, D.B.
D.B.: Bye, Mr. Matt.
MR. MATT: Bye, D.B.
A lesson about Pentecost.
Cast:D.B. – a good albeit not very bright bunny
MR. MATT – the teacher who sets him straight
Props:
None
(D.B. enters and remains very still.)
MR. MATT: What are you doing, D.B.?
D.B.: (trying not to move his mouth) Waiting.
MR. MATT: Waiting for what?
D.B.: I am not sure.
MR. MATT: Then why are you waiting?
D.B.: Jesus said to wait, and he would send great power.
MR. MATT: That’s what he told the disciples in the book of Acts, but…
D.B.: (forgetting to be still) What kind of power do you think I will get, Mr. Matt?
MR. MATT: I don’t think…
D.B.: Maybe super speed like the Flash. (races back and forth until he gets winded)
MR. MATT: That’s not what…
D.B.: Or maybe super strength like the Hulk. (in Hulk voice) D.B. smash puny stage. (hits stage and hurts himself) Ow!
MR. MATT: D.B., you can’t…
D.B.: Or maybe I will be like the Professor in the X-Men and be able to read and control minds. (stares at Hanna)
MR. MATT: What are you doing?
D.B.: (continuing to stare) I’m trying to see if I can control Hanna’s mind. (to Hanna) Bring me a doughnut. Bring me a doughnut.
MR. MATT: You can’t read or control minds.
D.B.: (to Mr. Matt) Laser beams?
MR. MATT: No.
D.B.: Power beams?
MR. MATT: No.
D.B.: High beams?
MR. MATT: No.
D.B.: Can I make energy-based multiples of myself?
MR. MATT: No!
D.B.: How about…?
MR. MATT: D.B.! That’s not the great power Jesus was talking about.
D.B.: It was not?
MR. MATT: No, he was talking about the Pentecost.
D.B.: Oh! (beat) Well, I have money. How much does a Pente cost?
MR. MATT: No, D.B. Pentecost was the day that the early church received the Holy Spirit. With the Holy Spirit, they received great power.
D.B.: And with great power comes great responsibility.
MR. MATT: Yes, but that’s a different story. With the power of the Holy Spirit, the early church was able to boldly share the Good News about Jesus, and the church grew quickly.
D.B.: That is even cooler that super powers!
MR. MATT: I think so.
D.B.: Thank you, Mr. Matt.
MR. MATT: You’re welcome, D.B.
D.B.: Bye, Mr. Matt.
MR. MATT: Bye, D.B.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
The Harvest Is Plentiful And the Workers Are Exhausted
Scripture Reference: Matthew 28:16-20, Acts 1:1-22, Matthew 9:37-38, Luke 10:2
A lesson about The Great Commission.
Cast:
DILLY – a southern fried chicken who doesn’t always get things straight
MR. MIKE – the teacher who sets her straight
Props:
None
(DILLY enters exhausted.)
MR. MIKE: Hey, Dilly. How are you doing?
DILLY: I’m so tired I’m left-handed.
MR. MIKE: Why are you so tired?
DILLY: I was reading in the Bible that the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.
MR. MIKE: That’s great that you’re still reading the Bible, but how did that make you so tired?
DILLY: Rein back your horse; you’re getting ahead of me.
MR. MIKE: Sorry. Go on.
DILLY: I’ve learned the hard way to be more obedient to what I read in the Bible, so I went to a farm and started harvesting crops.
MR. MIKE: Oh.
DILLY: (indignant) “Oh” what?
MR. MIKE: I’m glad you’re taking the Bible seriously, but that’s not what that means.
DILLY: Well, don’t that just take the cake. Then what in the wide, wide world of sports does it mean?
MR. MIKE: It means that there are lots of people in the world who need to hear the Good News, but not enough people to tell it.
DILLY: Well, flip me over and call me done. That’s a whole lot easier. (talking to the kids) Hey you! God loves you. Hey you! Jesus died for your sins. Hey you! Accept Jesus or you’re going to H-E-double hockey sticks. Hey next kid! ...
MR. MIKE: Dilly!
DILLY: Hush! I’m busy spreading the Good News. (turning back to the kids) Hey you! Jesus loves you this I know. (continue until all of the kids have been spoken to)
There. That wasn’t so hard.
MR. MIKE: Dilly, there’s a lot more to it than that.
DILLY: Do tell.
MR. MIKE: Jesus said to go and make disciples of all nations and baptize them.
DILLY: Well, that’s easier than falling off a greased log. We can go down to the bathroom and baptize the whole lot of them right now.
MR. MIKE: We’re not baptizing these fine young ladies and fellows in the bathroom.
DILLY: Suit yourself, but if we did, we’d be done with it all.
MR. MIKE: That’s what I’m trying to say. We wouldn’t be done with it. Being saved is eternally important, but that’s not the end. Jesus said to make them disciples.
DILLY: I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Mr. Mike, but the disciples are all dead.
MR. MIKE: The original ones are, but we are supposed to be disciples, too.
DILLY: Pull the other one.
MR. MIKE: Truthfully. Christians are supposed to be disciples, or students, learning to serve God and be pleasing to Him.
DILLY: Well, don’t that just pop out your monocle. All those people I told about Jesus left high and dry. I must go find them and make them disciples. (running back and forth) I gotta go to my neighbors. I gotta go to the feed store. I gotta go to my neighbors. I gotta go… (exits quickly)
MR. MIKE: (stares at stage surprised at Dilly’s sudden departure)
DILLY: (reappears) I almost forgot – bye, y’all! (exits)
A lesson about The Great Commission.
Cast:
DILLY – a southern fried chicken who doesn’t always get things straight
MR. MIKE – the teacher who sets her straight
Props:
None
(DILLY enters exhausted.)
MR. MIKE: Hey, Dilly. How are you doing?
DILLY: I’m so tired I’m left-handed.
MR. MIKE: Why are you so tired?
DILLY: I was reading in the Bible that the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.
MR. MIKE: That’s great that you’re still reading the Bible, but how did that make you so tired?
DILLY: Rein back your horse; you’re getting ahead of me.
MR. MIKE: Sorry. Go on.
DILLY: I’ve learned the hard way to be more obedient to what I read in the Bible, so I went to a farm and started harvesting crops.
MR. MIKE: Oh.
DILLY: (indignant) “Oh” what?
MR. MIKE: I’m glad you’re taking the Bible seriously, but that’s not what that means.
DILLY: Well, don’t that just take the cake. Then what in the wide, wide world of sports does it mean?
MR. MIKE: It means that there are lots of people in the world who need to hear the Good News, but not enough people to tell it.
DILLY: Well, flip me over and call me done. That’s a whole lot easier. (talking to the kids) Hey you! God loves you. Hey you! Jesus died for your sins. Hey you! Accept Jesus or you’re going to H-E-double hockey sticks. Hey next kid! ...
MR. MIKE: Dilly!
DILLY: Hush! I’m busy spreading the Good News. (turning back to the kids) Hey you! Jesus loves you this I know. (continue until all of the kids have been spoken to)
There. That wasn’t so hard.
MR. MIKE: Dilly, there’s a lot more to it than that.
DILLY: Do tell.
MR. MIKE: Jesus said to go and make disciples of all nations and baptize them.
DILLY: Well, that’s easier than falling off a greased log. We can go down to the bathroom and baptize the whole lot of them right now.
MR. MIKE: We’re not baptizing these fine young ladies and fellows in the bathroom.
DILLY: Suit yourself, but if we did, we’d be done with it all.
MR. MIKE: That’s what I’m trying to say. We wouldn’t be done with it. Being saved is eternally important, but that’s not the end. Jesus said to make them disciples.
DILLY: I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Mr. Mike, but the disciples are all dead.
MR. MIKE: The original ones are, but we are supposed to be disciples, too.
DILLY: Pull the other one.
MR. MIKE: Truthfully. Christians are supposed to be disciples, or students, learning to serve God and be pleasing to Him.
DILLY: Well, don’t that just pop out your monocle. All those people I told about Jesus left high and dry. I must go find them and make them disciples. (running back and forth) I gotta go to my neighbors. I gotta go to the feed store. I gotta go to my neighbors. I gotta go… (exits quickly)
MR. MIKE: (stares at stage surprised at Dilly’s sudden departure)
DILLY: (reappears) I almost forgot – bye, y’all! (exits)
Monday, May 23, 2011
I Can’t Believe I Ate the Hole Thing
Scripture Reference: John 21
A lesson about forgiveness and hope.
Cast:
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
MR. MIKE – the teacher who sets him straight
Props:
None
(OZZIE peeks out of the puppet stage and talks to the kids.)
OZZIE: (whispering) Pssst. Have you guys seen Mr. Mike.
MR. MIKE: (steps into view) I’m right here, Ozzie.
OZZIE: (startled) Oh. Hi, Mr. Mike.
MR. MIKE: What’s going on?
OZZIE: Not much. What’s going on with you?
MR. MIKE: I mean why don’t you come all the way out here?
OZZIE: Oh, I’m fine just here. No worries. Not feeling guilty about nothing. Nope, no guilt here. No reason for anybody to be mad. No reason for anybody to accuse anybody else of doing anything wrong. No reason for anybody to be so racked with guilt that I can’t see straight.
MR. MIKE: I do not know what you’re talking about.
OZZIE: Doughnut! I don’t know anything about any missing doughnuts. Are there doughnuts missing? Did Jessie tell you something? I never did trust her.
MR. MIKE: What? Oh. I didn’t say “doughnut.” I said “do not.” You are acting stranger than usual, Ozzie, and that’s saying a lot.
OZZIE: (coming on stage completely and flailing his arms) I can’t stand it anymore! You’ve forced the confession out of me! Yes, I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I stand before you as guilty as guilty can be.
MR. MIKE: What are you talking about?
OZZIE: You mean you don’t know?
MR. MIKE: Know what?
OZZIE: Oh. Never mind.
MR. MIKE: Ozzie!
OZZIE: OK, OK, OK. You know how you bring doughnuts to church every week?
MR. MIKE: Yes.
OZZIE: I ate ‘em.
MR. MIKE: That’s OK. I bring them, so people can eat them.
OZZIE: No, you don’t understand. I at all of them.
MR. MIKE: (surprised) All of them?!?
OZZIE: Uh huh.
MR. MIKE: Oh my. That’s a lot of doughnuts.
OZZIE: I know. I’m a terrible little monster. I’ll understand if you never forgive me and hate me forever and ever and ever.
MR. MIKE: I’m not very happy with what you did, but I could never hate you.
OZZIE: Really?
MR. MIKE: Really. And I forgive you.
OZZIE: You do?
MR. MIKE: Of course I do. More importantly, God forgives you, too.
OZZIE: He does?!?
MR. MIKE: Never give up hope with God. If you go to Him and confess, He’s always ready to forgive you.
OZZIE: Wow! No matter what?
MR. MIKE: No matter what.
OZZIE: No matter how despicable I act?
MR. MIKE: No matter how despicable you act.
OZZIE: No matter how big I sin?
MR. MIKE: No matter how big you sin.
OZZIE: You’ll forgive me too, Mr. Mike.
MR. MIKE: Always. God forgives me. The least I can do is forgive others.
OZZIE: That’s great news.
MR. MIKE: Why’s that?
OZZIE: Cause I drank all the coffee, too. (exits quickly)
MR. MIKE: Ozzie!
A lesson about forgiveness and hope. Cast:
OZZIE – an excitable little monster
MR. MIKE – the teacher who sets him straight
Props:
None
(OZZIE peeks out of the puppet stage and talks to the kids.)
OZZIE: (whispering) Pssst. Have you guys seen Mr. Mike.
MR. MIKE: (steps into view) I’m right here, Ozzie.
OZZIE: (startled) Oh. Hi, Mr. Mike.
MR. MIKE: What’s going on?
OZZIE: Not much. What’s going on with you?
MR. MIKE: I mean why don’t you come all the way out here?
OZZIE: Oh, I’m fine just here. No worries. Not feeling guilty about nothing. Nope, no guilt here. No reason for anybody to be mad. No reason for anybody to accuse anybody else of doing anything wrong. No reason for anybody to be so racked with guilt that I can’t see straight.
MR. MIKE: I do not know what you’re talking about.
OZZIE: Doughnut! I don’t know anything about any missing doughnuts. Are there doughnuts missing? Did Jessie tell you something? I never did trust her.
MR. MIKE: What? Oh. I didn’t say “doughnut.” I said “do not.” You are acting stranger than usual, Ozzie, and that’s saying a lot.
OZZIE: (coming on stage completely and flailing his arms) I can’t stand it anymore! You’ve forced the confession out of me! Yes, I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I stand before you as guilty as guilty can be.
MR. MIKE: What are you talking about?
OZZIE: You mean you don’t know?
MR. MIKE: Know what?
OZZIE: Oh. Never mind.
MR. MIKE: Ozzie!
OZZIE: OK, OK, OK. You know how you bring doughnuts to church every week?
MR. MIKE: Yes.
OZZIE: I ate ‘em.
MR. MIKE: That’s OK. I bring them, so people can eat them.
OZZIE: No, you don’t understand. I at all of them.
MR. MIKE: (surprised) All of them?!?
OZZIE: Uh huh.
MR. MIKE: Oh my. That’s a lot of doughnuts.
OZZIE: I know. I’m a terrible little monster. I’ll understand if you never forgive me and hate me forever and ever and ever.
MR. MIKE: I’m not very happy with what you did, but I could never hate you.
OZZIE: Really?
MR. MIKE: Really. And I forgive you.
OZZIE: You do?
MR. MIKE: Of course I do. More importantly, God forgives you, too.
OZZIE: He does?!?
MR. MIKE: Never give up hope with God. If you go to Him and confess, He’s always ready to forgive you.
OZZIE: Wow! No matter what?
MR. MIKE: No matter what.
OZZIE: No matter how despicable I act?
MR. MIKE: No matter how despicable you act.
OZZIE: No matter how big I sin?
MR. MIKE: No matter how big you sin.
OZZIE: You’ll forgive me too, Mr. Mike.
MR. MIKE: Always. God forgives me. The least I can do is forgive others.
OZZIE: That’s great news.
MR. MIKE: Why’s that?
OZZIE: Cause I drank all the coffee, too. (exits quickly)
MR. MIKE: Ozzie!
Monday, May 16, 2011
Happily Ever After
Scripture Reference: 
Luke 24:13-35
A lesson about the nature of Jesus.
Cast:
DILLY – a southern fried chicken who doesn’t always get things straight
MR. MATT– the teacher who sets her straight
Props: None
(MR. MATT is on stage.)
DILLY: Hi, Mr. Matt. How y'all doin'?
MR. MATT: Hi, dilly. I'm doing well. How are you?
DILLY: I'm finer than frog hair.
MR. MATT: I understand you were reading the Bible for Easter. How's it going?
DILLY: Oh, I had to stop before they killed Jesus.
MR. MATT: Why?
DILLY: 'Cause that's sadder than a dog without a nose.
MR. MATT: But you can't stop reading there.
DILLY: I most assuredly can. I don't do tragedy. I do the same thing in movies.
MR. MATT: What do you mean?
DILLY: When it looks like a movie is going to be a tragedy, I stop watching and make up my own ending.
MR. MATT: Like what?
DILLY: In my version of Old Yeller, the dog has a full recovery, he lives to a ripe old age, and they all live happily ever after.
MR. MATT: Dilly...
DILLY: And in my version of Titanic, the ship misses the ice berg, they make it to New York City, and they all live happily ever after.
MR. MATT: But that's not what happened.
DILLY: And in my version of Chicken Run, ...
MR. MATT: Wait. Chicken Run wasn't a tragedy.
DILLY: I know, but in my version Rocky Rhodes doesn't marry Ginger.
MR. MATT: Why not?
DILLY: Because he marries me, and we live happily ever after. That Rocky is handsomer than a timber wolf in a sport coat.
MR. MATT: I'm not even sure what that means, but you should watch the whole movie.
DILLY: I told you, I don't do tragedy. That's why I had to stop reading the Easter story in the Bible.
MR. MATT: That's what I was trying to tell you. That story is not a tragedy.
DILLY: I don't know how you define tragedy, Mr. Matt, but havin' the snot beat out of you and being murdered on a cross certainly sounds like a tragedy to me.
MR. MATT: I agree that those are horrible things, but that's not the end of the story.
DILLY: He was deader than a doornail. How can that not be the end of the story?
MR. MATT: Because he rose from the tomb three days later.
DILLY: Do go on.
MR. MATT: It's true. Most of Jesus' followers didn't believe it either, but he rose just as he said he would and just as it was prophesied in the Old Testament.
DILLY: Well, don't that just pepper my gumbo. Not finishing the story was a foolish has yankin' a dog's ear. (excited) I must go directly and finish the story. (exits quickly)
MR. MATT: (stares at stage surprised at Dilly’s sudden departure)
DILLY: (reappears) I almost forgot – bye, y’all! (exits)
Luke 24:13-35 A lesson about the nature of Jesus.
Cast:
DILLY – a southern fried chicken who doesn’t always get things straight
MR. MATT– the teacher who sets her straight
Props: None
(MR. MATT is on stage.)
DILLY: Hi, Mr. Matt. How y'all doin'?
MR. MATT: Hi, dilly. I'm doing well. How are you?
DILLY: I'm finer than frog hair.
MR. MATT: I understand you were reading the Bible for Easter. How's it going?
DILLY: Oh, I had to stop before they killed Jesus.
MR. MATT: Why?
DILLY: 'Cause that's sadder than a dog without a nose.
MR. MATT: But you can't stop reading there.
DILLY: I most assuredly can. I don't do tragedy. I do the same thing in movies.
MR. MATT: What do you mean?
DILLY: When it looks like a movie is going to be a tragedy, I stop watching and make up my own ending.
MR. MATT: Like what?
DILLY: In my version of Old Yeller, the dog has a full recovery, he lives to a ripe old age, and they all live happily ever after.
MR. MATT: Dilly...
DILLY: And in my version of Titanic, the ship misses the ice berg, they make it to New York City, and they all live happily ever after.
MR. MATT: But that's not what happened.
DILLY: And in my version of Chicken Run, ...
MR. MATT: Wait. Chicken Run wasn't a tragedy.
DILLY: I know, but in my version Rocky Rhodes doesn't marry Ginger.
MR. MATT: Why not?
DILLY: Because he marries me, and we live happily ever after. That Rocky is handsomer than a timber wolf in a sport coat.
MR. MATT: I'm not even sure what that means, but you should watch the whole movie.
DILLY: I told you, I don't do tragedy. That's why I had to stop reading the Easter story in the Bible.
MR. MATT: That's what I was trying to tell you. That story is not a tragedy.
DILLY: I don't know how you define tragedy, Mr. Matt, but havin' the snot beat out of you and being murdered on a cross certainly sounds like a tragedy to me.
MR. MATT: I agree that those are horrible things, but that's not the end of the story.
DILLY: He was deader than a doornail. How can that not be the end of the story?
MR. MATT: Because he rose from the tomb three days later.
DILLY: Do go on.
MR. MATT: It's true. Most of Jesus' followers didn't believe it either, but he rose just as he said he would and just as it was prophesied in the Old Testament.
DILLY: Well, don't that just pepper my gumbo. Not finishing the story was a foolish has yankin' a dog's ear. (excited) I must go directly and finish the story. (exits quickly)
MR. MATT: (stares at stage surprised at Dilly’s sudden departure)
DILLY: (reappears) I almost forgot – bye, y’all! (exits)
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