Cast:
TURQ – an energetic little monster from the hills
MISS REBECCA – the teacher who sets him straight
ABIGAIL – one of the kids in class
Props:
Rubber chicken
(TURQ enters.)
TURQ: Hoo wee! Howdy-do, Miss Rebecca.
MISS REBECCA: Hi, Turq. What's up?
TURQ: Not much, I jes… (pauses then zeroes in on one of the students) Is that Abigail?
MISS REBECCA: (confused) Yes.
TURQ: Well, I ain't seen Abigail in a month o' Sundays. Come up here, Abigail, I have somethin' fer ya.
(Abigail approaches the front of the puppet stage.)
ABIGAIL: Hi, Turq. What do you want?
TURQ: No, come closer.
ABIGAIL: (gets closer) OK.
TURQ: That ain't close 'nuff. Come over here to the side.
ABIGAIL: (goes to the side of the puppet stage) How's this?
TURQ: That's perfect. (Disappears from puppet stage. Suddenly, he hits ABIGAIL over the head with a rubber chicken. Stays back stage.)
MISS REBECCA: Abigail! Are you OK?
ABIGAIL: I'm fine.
MISS REBECCA: I'm so sorry. Why don't you have a seat.
(ABIGAIL sits.)
MISS REBECCA: Turq?
TURQ: (enters) Is you all still here?
MISS REBECCA: Yes. I can't believe you did that.
TURQ: Did what?
MISS REBECCA: Hit Abigail with a rubber chicken.
TURQ: What is you talkin' about. I did no such thang.
MISS REBECCA: Yes, you did.
TURQ: No, I didn't.
MISS REBECCA: You did.
TURQ: I didn't.
MISS REBECCA: Did.
TURQ: Didn't times infinity.
MISS REBECCA: (taking a different tack) Well, whoever did it must have a terrible mother.
TURQ: I telled ya I didn't do it. And stop talkin' 'bout my mama.
MISS REBECCA: I'm just saying that whoever did such a terrible thing must have a terrible mother.
TURQ: Stop bad-mouthin' my mama. And I didn't do it.
MISS REBECCA: Whoever did such a pusillanimous and vindictive act must have a pusillanimous and vindictive mother.
TURQ: I don't know what those words mean, but take 'em back. Nobody sasses my mama.
MISS REBECCA: Are you saying you hit Abigail with a rubber chicken.
TURQ: I tryin' not to.
MISS REBECCA: Turq!
TURQ: Fine! I did. I did. Ar' you happy now?
MISS REBECCA: I'm glad you decided to be honest.
TURQ: And do you take back what you said about my mama?!?
MISS REBECCA: Your mother is a fine woman, Turq.
TURQ: Thank ye.
MISS REBECCA: But, it does reflect badly on her when you do bad things.
TURQ: But it ain't her fault.
MISS REBECCA: No, it's not, but people will judge your mother based on your actions.
TURQ: Well, that ain't far.
MISS REBECCA: Maybe not, but that's the way it is. If someone has never met your mother, they only know her through you.
TURQ: Well turn me over and paint me blue.
MISS REBECCA: And as a Christian, your actions reflect on God, too.
TURQ: Tarnation! That ain't far neither.
MISS REBECCA: If someone doesn't know, they only know Him through you.
TURQ: Spit fire and save the matches. Hittin' someone with a rubber chicken makes my mama and God both look bad.
MISS REBECCA: That's right.
TURQ: 'Cause a cream pie to the face would be much funnier.
MISS REBECCA: That's not really what I meant…
TURQ: That would reflect much better on my mama…
MISS REBECCA: I need to clarify…
TURQ: and God.
MISS REBECCA: Not exactly…
TURQ: See y'all later. Bye!
MISS REBECCA: (giving up) Bye, Turq.
