I'd Cotton to Some Candy

Scripture Reference:  Daniel 3

A lesson that God is always God.

Cast:

TURQ – an energetic little monster from the hills

MR. MIKE – the teacher who sets him straight

Props:

            None

(MR. MIKE is on stage when TURQ enters.)

TURQ:  Hoo wee!  Howdy-do, Mr. Mike.

MR. MIKE:  Hi, Turq.  What's up?

TURQ:  O, not too much.  I got me a new toothbrush, I decided I ain't gonna believe in God, and I'm a-thinkin' about gittin' a haircut.

MR. MIKE:  What was that?

TURQ:  I was studyin' as to whether to get a haircut.  Well, actually, I'd probly get more than one o' my hairs cut, but…

MR. MIKE:  No, no, no.  The one before that.  The one about God.

TURQ:  O!  I decided that I ain't gonna believe in God no more.

MR. MIKE:  Is it because you prayed it would rain soda and it didn’t?

TURQ:  No, I reckon that was a silly, childish prayer.  I had a more grown-up prayer that didn't come true.

MR. MIKE:  And what prayer was that?

TURQ:  That it'd snow cotton candy.

MR. MIKE:  How is that more mature than raining soda?

TURQ:  Is you a few clowns short of a circus, Mr. Mike?  Everyone knows cotton candy is one of the five major food groups and sody is for kiddies.

MR. MIKE:  Everyone knows that?

TURQ:  I reckon so.  That's what my momma learned me.

MR. MIKE:  Well, I'm not going to argue with anyone's momma.

TURQ:  Darn tootin'.  So I prayed fer it to snow cotton candy, there ain't no cotton candy snow, so I don't believe in God no more.

MR. MIKE:  This reminds me of today's Bible story.

TURQ:  There's a Bible story about cotton candy?

MR. MIKE:  No.  Today's story is about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.

TURQ:  Shaq, Mack, and a belly button?

MR. MIKE:  No, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.  They wouldn't worship a statue of the king, so the king ordered them to be thrown into a fiery furnace.

TURQ:  Well, that'd be hotter'n a pair of sweat pants full of barbecue.  But I bet the Lord saved them.

MR. MIKE:  Since this is a spoiler free skit, you'll have to wait and see.   But they did tell the king that even if God didn't save them, He's still God and they'll worship only Him.

TURQ:  Nuh-uh.

MR. MIKE:  Uh-huh.

TURQ:  No way.

MR. MIKE:  Way.

TURQ:  Even if they didn’t get what they wanted, they wouldn't give up on God.

MR. MIKE:  That's right.

TURQ:  Even if they got burnt up like a marshmallow that gets all squishy on the stick and plops into the campfire?

MR. MIKE:  Even then.

TURQ:  Even if they are like that burnt up little French fry that gets put in your tator tots at Sonic?

MR. MIKE:  I think so.

TURQ:  Well, hoo-wee!  Then I shouldn't give up on God, should I?

MR. MIKE:  No, God will always be faithful.

TURQ:  And I shouldn't give up on God makin' it snow cotton candy.

MR. MIKE:  I didn't say that.

TURQ:  Then I reckon the problem is that I just ain't been per-sis-tent enuff.

MR. MIKE:  That's not really what I meant when…

TURQ:  I think I'm gonna head down to the fishin' hole and do me some prayin' about cotton candy snow.

MR. MIKE:  Before you go, I need to clarify…

TURQ:  See y'all later.  Bye!

MR. MIKE:  (giving up) Bye, Turq.

He's a Prophet, Dude

Scripture Reference:  OT Prophets

A skit about Biblical prophecy.

Cast:

            PROPHET – an OT prophet

            DUDE – a lizard

Props:

none

(PROPHET enters.)

PROPHET:  Good morning.  I am an Old Testament prophet.  I understand that you will be studying Old Testament prophets, (DUDE enters) so I thought I'd make myself available to see if you have…

DUDE:  (nudges PROPHET) Hey!

PROPHET:  …to see if you have any…

DUDE:  (nudges PROPHET) Hey, prophet man!

PROPHET:  (quickly) …see if you have any questions.  (turning to DUDE, annoyed) Yes?

DUDE:  I have a question.

PROPHET:  Very good.  What is it young…  Um.  Uh.

DUDE:  Dude.  My name is Dude.

PROPHET:  What is it, Dude?

DUDE:  So you're a profit?

PROPHET:  Yes, I am.

DUDE:  Great!  I'm trying to buy a new Nintendo DS and could use some profit.

PROPHET:  Not P-R-O-F-I-T profit.  P-R-O-P-H-E-T prophet.  A person who speaks for God.

DUDE:  So you can't help me make money?

PROPHET:  I'm afraid not, Dude.  Most prophets lead a humble life.  At one point, the prophet Elijah was eating food brought to him by ravens.

DUDE:  Do you think you could get one of those ravens to bring me a Nintendo DS?

PROPHET:  No.

DUDE:  A Chase McCain video game?

PROPHET:  No.

DUDE:  Then can you tell me when I'll have enough money to buy a Nintendo DS?

PROPHET:  I'm not a fortune teller.

DUDE:  But I thought prophets could see the future.

PROPHET:  Prophets speak for God.  Sometimes God gives us a glimpse at the future to warn people to change their ways or to give hope to people feeling hopeless.

DUDE:  It would make me feel a lot less hopeless if I knew when I'd have enough money to get my Nintendo DS.

PROPHET:  Sorry, that's not the way God works, Dude.

DUDE:  Hmmm.  Well, do you have any gold?

PROPHET:  What?

DUDE:  Or silver or diamonds or rubies?

PROPHET:  What are you talking about now?

DUDE:  I just thought maybe you were a miner prophet and had some gold or gems or something.

PROPHET:  Not M-I-N-E-R miner.  M-I-N-O-R minor.  It refers to prophets who wrote shorter books and has nothing to do with mining.

DUDE:  Bummer.  So can you do anything to help me get a Nintendo DS?

PROPHET:  I can tell you that if you continue to make a Nintendo DS your idol, you will come to ruin.

DUDE:  Not really what I was looking for.

PROPHET:  That's all I got, Dude.

DUDE:  Oh, well.  Dude abides.  (exits)

PROPHET:  Thank you for your time this morning, children.  And remember you are loved with an everlasting love and underneath are the everlasting arms!  (exits)

This Looks Like a Job for Job

Scripture Reference: Job 1:13-22

A skit that demonstrates that we should worship in times of trouble.

Cast:
TURQ – an energetic little monster from the hills
MISS REBECCA – the teacher who sets him straight

Props:
Bible for MISS REBECCA opened to the book of Job.

(During the third song (God You're Good to Me), TURQ enters but does not sing. He looks sad and dejected.)

MISS REBECCA: What are you doing, Turq? Don’t tell me you're still embarrassed by singing?

TURQ: No.

MISS REBECCA: You don’t still think it’s girly or undignified?

TURQ: No.

MISS REBECCA: Then what is it?

TURQ: Nuttin'.

MISS REBECCA: It’s not nothing. You look like someone popped your balloon.

TURQ: I’ve just had a bad week. I don’t want to go into detail.

MISS REBECCA: Well, if you want to talk…

TURQ: It’s just that I had to take my yearly bath this week…

MISS REBECCA: That doesn’t sound so bad.

TURQ: Well, I is youngest of 13 young'uns. That means I get in the warsh tub after everyone else. By the time I get there, it's like bathin' in murky pond water.

MISS REBECCA: I’m glad you don’t want to go into detail.

TURQ: Wut? Oh, sorry. Anyways, I just ain't up to worshipin'. Worship is all about feelin's, and I'm feelin' lower'n a bowlegged caterpillar.

MISS REBECCA: Worship is a lot more than just about your feelings. It isn’t just supposed to engage your heart, it's supposed to engage your mind, body, and spirit. In the book of John, Jesus says that “true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth.”

TURQ: Yeah, but if'n you had a bad day…

MISS REBECCA: Ever heard of Jōb? [NB: ō indicates to use a long O, as in "robe".]

TURQ: I don’t reckon I have.

MISS REBECCA: You know, Jōb – in the Bible. J-O-B, Jōb.

TURQ: I thought it was pro-nounced job.

MISS REBECCA: No, it’s Jōb.

TURQ: Did he have a brother named Bōb?

MISS REBECCA: What?!?

TURQ: Bōb. B-O-B.

MISS REBECCA: That would be Bob.

TURQ: And did he eat corn on the cōb?

MISS REBECCA: No.

TURQ: What about him?

MISS REBECCA: What about who?

TURQ: Job

MISS REBECCA: That’s Jōb, and he had a REALLY bad day. One day a messenger came to him and told him that his enemy had stolen all his oxen & donkeys and killed all his servants working in the fields.

TURQ: I bet that made him sōb.

MISS REBECCA: That’s sob. Then another messenger came to tell him that fire had fallen from the sky and killed all the sheep and shepherds.

TURQ: That’s bad, but…

MISS REBECCA: Then another messenger came to tell him that raiders had carried off his camels and killed his servants.

TURQ: That’s really bad, but…

MISS REBECCA: Then another messenger…

TURQ: Not another messenger!

MISS REBECCA: Yep, another messenger. This one came to tell him that while his sons and daughters were all together, a huge wind came up, blew down the house, and killed them all.

TURQ: Hoo wee! That's stanks worse than an ole polecat!

MISS REBECCA: That's probably one of the worst days anyone’s ever had.

TURQ: And you’re a-tellin' me that Jōb worshiped God after all that?!?

MISS REBECCA: Yes. Jōb 1:20-21 says: Then he fell to the ground in worship and said, "The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."

TURQ: How could he do that? He just had his family wiped out?

MISS REBECCA: When we remember that God is our Redeemer and that He truly loves us, we can rest in the knowledge that He is in control even when we don’t understand the reasons for what is happening.

TURQ: But how can I do that?

MISS REBECCA: You have to prepare. You can’t wait until things get hard to trust God. You have to practice that when things are good. Spend time in His Word, talk with Him in prayer, stand in His presence in worship. You have to KNOW you can trust Him BEFORE the bad times. In the bad times, you will want to doubt, it’s only natural. But if you have a foundation of trust already, you can stand on that foundation when the trust is hard.

TURQ: So worship is like getting' into shape. You cain’t wait til you is in the middle of a football game to start workin' out. You gotta do that before the game, so that you is pre pared.

MISS REBECCA: Exactly. Worship is part of what makes us healthy Christians. And when we are in difficult times in our lives, it reminds us that God is our Rock and our Redeemer.

TURQ: Well, doggies! If Jōb can worship after all of that, I guess I can, too.

MISS REBECCA: That’s our jōb.

TURQ: Now don’t YOU start that!

(The last song plays (10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord)) and TURQ participates. After the song…)

TURQ: (exiting) ♫ Bless the Lord, O my soul, I want a sausage roll, put it in the microwave… ♫

Sprite As Rain

Scripture Reference: 2 Kings 20:1-11, 2 Chronicles 32:24-26, Isaiah 38

A lesson in following God and prayer.

 Cast

:

 TURQ – an energetic little monster from the hills

 MR. MIKE – the teacher who sets him straight

 Props:

 none

(MR. MIKE is on stage when TURQ enters.)

TURQ: Hoo wee! Howdy-do, Mr. Mike.

MR. MIKE: Hi, Turq. What's up?

TURQ: Well, I've been reading the Good Book fer a piece now.

MR. MIKE: Reading the Bible is always a good thing. How's it going?

TURQ: I've been right taken with how the Lord answers prayers.

MR. MIKE: Yes, He does. God hears all of our prayers and answers them.

TURQ: That's what it sez, but I gotta notion that may not be truthful.

MR. MIKE: Why do you say that?

TURQ: 'Cuz my prayers ain't a-comin' true.

MR. MIKE: What are you praying for?

TURQ: I'm a-prayin' that it'd rain sody pop.

MR. MIKE: It's not going to rain soda pop.

TURQ: Is you a-sayin' the Lord cain't make it rain sody pop?

MR. MIKE: He could, but He isn't going to.

TURQ: Is you a-sayin' the Lord don't luv me 'nough to answer ma prayers?

MR. MIKE: No, I'm saying God doesn't work that way. First, think of the mess that would be caused if it rain Coke.

TURQ: It could be Dat Coke. It ain't as sticky.

MR. MIKE: More importantly, God isn't a vending machine or genie. He's not there to grant your wishes.

TURQ: He ain't?

MR. MIKE: He ain't – I mean, He isn’t.

TURQ: Well, bust ma legs and call me shorty. If'n the Lord ain't gonna give me what I want, why am I a-prayin'?

MR. MIKE: We pray for lots of reasons. We pray because, as followers of God, He has told us to.

TURQ: Well, I'm a-follerin', but He ain't lead me to no sody pop.

MR. MIKE: And one of the most important reasons is to get GOD's solutions and to know HIS will. It is not so we can get God to do our will.

TURQ: I reckon that's cause the Lord is whole mess smarter'n we'uns.

MR. MIKE: Yes, He is. But it's OK to come to God with specific requests, and we have God's promise that our prayers are not in vain, even if we don't receive specifically what we asked for. He has promised that when we ask for things that are in accordance with His will, He'll give us what we ask for. Sometimes He delays His answers according to His wisdom and for our benefit. In these situations, we need to be persistent in prayer.

TURQ: So if'n if the Lord's a-willin' fer me to have sody pop, He could make it rain sody pop.

MR. MIKE: I suppose, but…

TURQ: Then I reckon the problem is that I just ain't been per-sis-tent enuff.

MR. MIKE: That's not really what I meant when…

TURQ: I think I'm gonna head down to the fishin' hole and do me some prayin' about sody pop rain.

MR. MIKE: Before you go, I need to clarify…

TURQ: See y'all later. Bye!

MR. MIKE: (giving up) Bye, Turq.

Come on and Dance

Scripture Reference:  1Samuel 4-6, 2 Samuel 6

A lesson in worship.

Cast:

            TURQ – an energetic little monster from the hills

            MR. JUSTIN – the teacher who sets him straight

Props:

            none

(After Shackles, the second to last song, TURQ enters laughing.)

TURQ:  Hooo-weee!  You look like bunch of barefoot jackrabbits on hot ce-ment.

MR. JUSTIN:  Oh, hi, Turq.  You're interrupting our praise.

TURQ:  It that what they was doin'?

MR. JUSTIN:  That's what we were doing.

TURQ:  But why was y'all jiggling around like that?  When I praise, I just move my lips.  (opens and closes mouth without making any sound)

MR. JUSTIN:  Praising God is more than just moving your lips.  It's thanking God for being out Provider.  It's thanking Him with your whole heart.

TURQ:  Yeah, but that's kinda embarrassin'.  I mean, I don't cotton to singin' in front of people.  What if they hear my voice?

MR. JUSTIN:  But you're not supposed to be singing to any of these people.

TURQ:  (stage whisper) There ain't no one else here.

MR. JUSTIN:  You're supposed to be singing to God.

TURQ:  Oh, yeah.  But singin' and hoppin' about is kinda… girly.

MR. JUSTIN:  What about a football player who dances in the end zone after a touchdown?  Would you call them girly?

TURQ:  Not to their faces.  But that there's football.  You're supposed to be quiet and dignified in church, ain't ya?

MR. JUSTIN:  Yes, there are times when you need to be quiet.  We don't want people dancing around while Pastor John is preaching, but there are times when we celebrate God.

TURQ:  Yeah, but…

MR. JUSTIN:  What if told you that I know a famous warrior who danced for God?

TURQ:  Who?!?

MR. JUSTIN:  David.

TURQ:  David who?

MR. JUSTIN:  King David, the fellow we've been studying.

TURQ:  Oh!  That'n.

MR. JUSTIN:  Yes, that one.  Seems the Philistines had captured the Ark of the Covenant and placed it in a tent with an idol, a statue of their fish-god Dagon.  When they came in the next morning, Dagon was lying on the ground.

TURQ:  I guess their idol was bein' idle.

MR. JUSTIN:  They put it back, but the next morning, it was on the ground again with its arms and legs broken off.

TURQ:  I reckon that cost it an arm and a leg.

MR. JUSTIN:  Right.

TURQ:  Dagon had been dis-armed.

MR. JUSTIN:  Yeah.

TURQ:  I guess he didn't have a leg to stand on.

MR. JUSTIN:  Any more?

TURQ:  Jes one more:  Did anyone give him a leg up?

MR. JUSTIN:  Are you done now?

TURQ:  I reckon I am.

MR. JUSTIN:  Are you sure?

TURQ:  I don't chew my cabbage twice.

MR. JUSTIN:  So the Philistines sent word to David to come and get the Ark because Israel's God was too powerful for Dagon.

TURQ:  That ain't sayin' much, since Dagon was jes a rock.

MR. JUSTIN:  David let thirty thousand men to get the Ark.  They danced and sang and played instruments all the way back.  David took off his kingly robes, so he could celebrate with everyone else.

TURQ:  You mean he was neked?!?

MR. JUSTIN:  No, he was dressed like everyone else because he wanted to be just part of the parade.  It was about God, not him.

TURQ:  I reckon the folks loved that.

MR. JUSTIN:  Well, not everyone.  His wife Michal thought it was vulgar and undignified.  Because of her attitude, God cursed her.

TURQ:  Well, I don’t cotton to God cursin' me, so I'll stop pokin' fun at y'all for wigglin' about like that.

MR. JUSTIN:  David, on the other hand, humbled himself.  He didn't praise God to impress anyone or to show how spiritual he was.  He wanted to celebrate God's provision.  2 Samuel 6:14 says that David "danced before the Lord with all of his might."

TURQ:  And the Bible sez that David was a man after God's own heart.  I reckon this is part of the reason why.

MR. JUSTIN:  You got it, Turq.

TURQ:  I reckon if David can do it, so can I.  Let's praise God!

 (The last song, Get Down, starts and TURQ joins in.)

TURQ:  (gradually lowers from the stage, voice fading)  ♫ Get down, get down, get down… ♫

(MR. JUSTIN starts prayer requests.)